Follow your heart
by Skyforger
Summary: story takes place 6 months after the events of GSD. Features pairings like AxM[mostly] AxC KxL and maybe some more. How will the relationships between these people develop? read on to find out CHAPTER 9 reposted for grammar
1. Chapter 1

Ok, this is my first time writing a fic, so please comment on it and give some tips. I apologize for any grammar mistakes, since English is not my first language  This story takes place 6 months after the events of GSD. Features pairings like AxM(mostly) ; AxC ; KxL and maybe some more. No Meyrin or MxA bashing and flaming. If you want to flame someone flame me about their pairing, since I don't give a damn. Constructive criticism welcomed. Rating T for events that will follow in next chapters.

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

**Follow your heart**

Athrun was sitting on a soft chair with a cup of tea in his hands. He hadn't touched it in a while, he was just staring in the cup, his thoughts wandering elsewhere. Cagali looked at him with concern in her eyes. "Are you ok, Athrun ?" she asked while trying to catch his gaze with her eyes.

"M … ?" Athrun rose his head and looked at her with empty eyes and blank expression on his face.

Cagali looked at him and started to laugh. It looked like her laughter brought him back to the reality. She stopped laughing and looked him with a look on her face that showed that she is quite displeased with him. "have you been listening to what I have been saying for the past 30 minutes ?" she asked with calm and displease in her voice, because she already knew the answer.

Athrun sighed "I'm sorry Cagali, I'm afraid haven't". It was Cagali's turn to sigh.

She stood up and went to her desk and placed her empty cup on it, while observing Athrun at the same time. "I was telling you about how things are going in the government but it seems you don't care much".

Athrun nodded his head and leaned back in the chair "sorry, but lately almost anyone I try to talk to starts telling me about some official stuff – when I called Lacus she started to tell me about her council meetings. And Kira said he's too busy helping Lacus to prepare for some meeting to talk right now.

Yzak started to tell me about things like ZAFT's fleet status and some data about its restoration, and when I come to see you, Cagali, you start to tell me about….." he stopped and took a quick look at Cagali and sighed again "sorry, I'm just tired of politics and all that. Isn't there anything else we can talk about ?"

Cagali smiled a sad smile and sat on a chair besides Athrun and placed her hand on his. "Yes, I also wanted to talk about something else, but…" she turned her head to side trying not to look in Athrun's eyes.

Athrun took a deep breath and prepared himself for another not so pleasant topic. "Its about us, is it ?" he asked slowly, while observing her expression. Cagali rose her head and looked Athrun in the eyes. Those green eyes she was so fond of. The eyes that once used to look at her with warmth and love. Now she saw none of that in them. She felt sad. Sad because she wanted to see those feelings in his eyes again.

'Athrun' she said with her voice trembling a bit. Athrun found this very unusual with her, but decided to let it slip his mind. "can you ever truly forgive me ?" She asked with her eyes watering up. "I'm sorry that I acted the way I did back then without even talking to you.. without even trying to contact you…. I can only imagine how it must have felt to find out that the woman you proposed to is marrying someone else from some stranger, but i.."

she stopped because Athrun had placed a finger on her lips. "Athrun ?" she asked with surprise when she saw the sad look on her loved one's face.

Athrun removed his finger from her lips "Cagali, we have talked about this a lot of times. I'm also to blame for the events that happened between us. Please, lets not talk about that. I said I don't know how I feel about you at the moment."

Cagali felt tears gathering in her eyes. "why do you always try to avoid this conversation? She yelled at him, her hands in knuckles and quivering. Why do you always say you don't know ? well then how am I supposed to know? How am I supposed to know what to do?" A tear fell down her cheek on to the floor leaving a small mark at the spot. "How the hell am I supposed to know what to do to make you forgive me?"

She dropped down from the chair on her knees and started to cry. She didn't care about anything at this moment, besides the man near her. How could she make him understand ? How could she make him forgive her…. She felt two arms wrap around her and looked up with surprised expression on her face, as Athrun pulled her in a hug. After holding her for a few seconds he let go of her and wiped the tears from her face.

"Cagali, please don't cry. I have forgiven you long ago" he said as he helped her up from the floor and back on the chair. After that he went to the desk to place his still untouched cup there and looked at her. She looked confused. He went back to his chair and sat down, taking her arm in his.

"I don't blame you for anything, so don't be so hard on yourself" Athrun said while holding Cagali's hand. She looked at Athrun's face with great deal of confusion in her eyes. Then a smile slowly crept on her face and she started to feel happy. Its been a long time since she had felt happy, although she never showed it on the outside. _Does it mean he still….likes….me? ….Maybe he still…wants to be…with me ? _

Her trail of thoughts were interrupted with Athrun's next words. "I have to go now, sorry. I'll see you later" He was about to stand up when Cagali grabbed his hand. "Cagali ?" he looked down on her with surprise on his face.

"Why… why are you leaving ?" he couldn't see her face, since her head was bowed down , but he could hear sadness in her voice. "Please, don't go…stay with me". Athrun sighed, then slowly removed her arm from his. Cagali felt like crying again. "W….why ?" was all she could make herself say, despite the fact that her hearth was full with emotions and things she wanted to say, this one word was all she could make her mouth to say.

"Because I have a meeting with someone, and it would be rude to make that person to wait" Athrun calmly explained , then turned around and started to walk towards the door. But Cagali was not about to give up yet.

"Its that Meyrin, isn't it ? Your going to meet her, aren't you ?" anger was easily heard in her voice. Athrun sighed again. Looks like it was becoming a habit of his when talking to her.

"Cagali, please stop. Why would I have a scheduled meeting with her when I can talk to her anytime I want? We are staying in the same house after all." _Not that I talk much to her … although I sure would like to talk more to her … I just don't know what to say… no, I know what I want to tell her...ask her, but.. _

he brushed that thought aside, when he saw Cagali crying again. He thought for a moment if it was wise of him to remind her that Meyrin and he was living in the same house, but he really didn't have time now, he didn't want to be late for the meeting.

"Sorry, I have to go. We will talk other time" with those words he left the room, closing the heavy wooden door behind him and started to walk towards the exit. He walked out of Athha mansion and looked at his watch. Realizing he would be late, he quickly jumped in his car and throttled down the mountain road at a dangerous speed and headed towards the city. He felt bad that he had to leave Cagali in the state he did but he really didn't want to be late for this meeting.

* * *

A young woman sat by a table in a restaurant and was looking towards the entrance. She took a sip from the glass she was holding and looked at the clock that was attached to wall in front of her.

"he's late." She quietly said as she placed the glass back on the table and leaned back in the chair. It was unlike him to be late. He had called her yesterday and told her that he wanted to talk about something. He sounded nervous , and that also was unlike him. She continued her trail of thoughts as she heard a voice right behind her, that made her jump a bit because it was so sudden.

"I'm sorry I'm late, its good to see you again". He watched as the girl with wine colored hair turned her head and looked at him with small smile on her face. 'I'm sorry, did i startle you, Luna ?'

Luna watched as Athrun stood there looking uncomfortable. Looks like he thought she might be angry at him for startling her or being late, although he was late only 5 minutes. She smiled at him with her charming smile, although it seemed not so bright as he used to remember it.

"You are forgiven form being late and for startling me, if that is what keeps you so uneasy, Athrun" she said while watching Athrun loosen up a bit after hearing her words and voice that really showed that she didn't mind at all.

Athrun felt relieved and took a seat on the opposite side of the small table and smiled at her. "You sure have not changed, Luna" She looked and acted just like he remembered her from 6 months ago.

Luna smiled back "you haven't also, Athrun. I'm sure you want to talk about something important, but before that I must tell you one thing". She looked very serious while saying that. Athrun had no idea what was the important thing, and he sure as hell couldn't guess it either, so he just decided to ask her.

"What's that?" His tone also sounded serious. Luna looked at his serious face and let out a small giggle, which seemed to confuse him. "I'm hungry". She said with her cheeks slightly blushing. "Do you mind if we order some food before starting our conversation ?"

Athrun looked like he was stunned for a couple of seconds and then stared to laugh. He had forgotten how fun it could be just talking with Luna, he shouldn't have expected her to bring up any really serious matters. Luna didn't understand what to make of his laughter and pouted. Athrun stopped laughing

"Sorry, I didn't mean to offend you if that is what you are thinking, I'm just happy to be able to talk to you, its always fun" It seemed to him that he was apologizing a lot lately, but didn't let it bother him.

Luna dropped the act that she was angry and smiled one of her charming smiles – "So can we get something to eat and get this show on the road ?" Athrun nodded. They ordered a dinner and started to eat it in silence, both focusing on their thoughts. After they were almost finished Athrun spoke up. "Um…so, Luna, How are you doing since you left ZAFT and decided to live here, in ORB ?"

Lunamaria rose her head and snapped back to reality from land of her thoughts. "Oh, thanks for asking. I found a job in a company and now I'm a manager" she grinned. Athrun was surprised

"wow, congratulations Luna, you sure made it fast to such a high position… but given your nature and determination I'm not that surprised. Must be good working there". Luna shrugged

"Its kinda boring, but it pays well, so I'm not complaining, and the job is not too hard. And how are you doing ?"

Athrun felt a little embarrassed "Well…i….um… just been lying around and thinking .. I haven't been doing anything" Its not like he had to – money he had was more than he could spend in his lifetime, and a lot of his friends were wondering why he was living in a small house instead of a castle or something.

"Anyway, how are things going with Shinn?" he asked but realized this probably is something he shouldn't have done, seeing how Luna got sad suddenly. "Sorry… I didn't mean to.." Luna just smiled a sad smile and shook her head

"Don't be Athrun. Shinn broke up with me 2 months ago. I'm kinda over it now" From the look on her face he figured she was not over it , but it did seem she wanted to talk about it so he decided to ask.

"What happened? Off course you don't need to answer if you don't want to" he quickly added. Luna just smiled her sad smile at him

"No, its ok, Athrun. I guess I would feel better if I would talk about it to someone, just I really didn't have anyone to talk to until now." She took another sip from the glass of wine and continued "He told me that he couldn't get his mind of some girl that died in the war that he loved….

He said he can't love yet, and he doesn't want to hurt me so we shouldn't be together"….. she sighed… "well it ended up hurting me anyway, but I guess it was useless to go on if he doesn't feel like he can. He wouldn't tell me about that girl, but I often saw him crying … I guess he really did love her very much."

Athrun knew what Shinn was talking about. That girl who died … Stellar. Athrun was Shinn's friend, but they hadn't talked for about 3 months, that day Shinn had told him about what he felt about Stellar, and that he doesn't know what to do with his life… especially with Luna.

_Flashback_

"_I don't know Athrun." The red eyed boy said while sitting on a couch near Athrun with his head bowed down. "I cant forget her … the last words she said to me before she…before she…" tears started to flow down Shinn's cheeks. The war and all his loses had left him truly broken._

_Athrun could see that, he just didn't know of any way to help his friend. 'I failed to protect her' Shinn sobbed "I failed to protect her… I promised to protect her … but I failed her. I…I even failed to avenge her. I'm such a miserable person. Maybe…maybe I should just die."_

"_SHINN" Athrun yelled at him, making Shinn snap out of his trance. _

"_Sorry, Athrun…its just that… lately I can't get rid of such thoughts. I miss her so much" he quietly said before wiping the tears from his face. Athrun was shocked. From all people he never thought he would see Shinn completely broken, saying such words. _

"_But I thought you are dating Luna now?" He was trying to cheer Shinn up, but this was a rather poor attempt. _

"_I am Athrun…I just don't know what to do… each night I dream of her … whenever I'm not busy with something I think of her… of her dying in my arms…saying she loved me…" His eyes were watering again but he pulled himself together "I'm not sure what I feel about Luna… _

_Maybe I could love her, but as things are now, I can't. I have realized I have never loved her, I just found someone who was willing to comfort me… I'm so miserable. Athrun … what should I do? What should I do with Luna and my life?"_

_He looked up at Athrun with hope in his eyes that his friend would have some advice for him. Athrun always had acted like a mentor to Shinn, he had always known what to say. But this time he wasn't sure. Athrun looked at Shinn's eyes filled with sadness. He had to say something. But what could he say ? Shinn himself was the only one who could clear up his feelings. _

"_Shinn." Athrun slowly said while placing a hand on his friends shoulder. "Just follow your hearth."_

_End of flashback_

"Yes, he did…" Athrun slowly said while remembering his conversation with Shinn. He noticed that Luna was staring at him with puzzled look on her face and snapped out of it. "Sorry, never mind me" he smiled. Luna sighed and then asked Athrun a question he didn't want to discuss.

"And how are you doing with Cagali ?" Her eyes continued to stare at him, which made him feel uneasy. "I hear you are living in one house with my little sis. Does that mean… ?" She couldn't continue as Athrun quickly spoke up with his cheeks gaining a slight color of red

"It doesn't mean anything, Luna, she just had no place to go so I invited her to stay at my place"

Luna grinned at him. He might be saying that there was nothing, but color of his cheeks told her otherwise. And the excuse was kinda lame. But since Athrun didn't ask her about Shinn more than she wanted to tell, she decided to stop teasing him. If Athrun wants, he will tell her. Luna decided to change the subject.

"So" She leaned back in the chair while moving the glass closer to her lips "what's the thing you wanted to talk to me about?" Athrun took a deep breath and looked Luna in the eyes.

'I want to ask you few things about Meyrin' Luna almost choked on the wine she was drinking. _So much for changing subject. Ok, lets see what he wants to know. _Athrun saw a grin on Luna's face. He knew she was probably going to tease him about this. To his surprise she only asked

"Hm, I wonder what is the thing you want to ask me about my little sis that you couldn't find out during the 5 months you two have spent living in the same house" Athrun blushed a little, before speaking up

"I want to know what kind of flowers she likes … " Before he could continue Luna started laughing. He knew she was going to laugh at him. Probably thinking he cant make himself to ask Meyrin what flowers she like. But it wasn't that, there was more reason to it.

When Luna was done laughing she looked at Athrun with amused look and asked "Why didn't you just ask her ? I'm pretty sure she doesn't bite" Luna chuckled at her little joke and started at Athrun for his response. Athrun sighed.

"Its not that I'm afraid to ask if that's what you are thinking, Luna. I just want it to be a surprise to her."

Luna was sitting at the edge of her seat. "You are going to confess to her ?" She had a mischievous look at her face. She expected Athrun to blush again but much to her surprise he didn't.

Athrun sighed again and looked Luna in the eyes. "Luna , stop saying that, its just that …" He couldn't finish before Luna quickly spoke up

"Oh, come on, stop denying it, what else could it be ?" Athrun glared at Luna with semi-angry look in his eyes and said

"Her birthday is in 4 days and I just wanted to get her some flowers she likes" Luna dropped her glass spilling it on the table with a shocked look in her face. She looked at Athrun with that shock in her eyes and then, much to Athrun's surprise, started to cry, covering her face with palms and placing it on the table.

Athrun looked as much surprised as Luna did a few moments ago. He knew for sure that he had no idea what the hell just happened and why Luna is crying. It certainly didn't help that other people in the restaurant were starting to look their way. Athrun stood up, went over to Luna and kneeled by her side, placing his hand on her shoulder.

"Luna, I'm sorry if I sounded angry, I wasn't I just…. um… sorry … i …umm…. Didn't mean to…"

He stopped when he saw Luna shake her head. She removed her hands from her face and looked Athrun in the eyes.

"I'm such a horrible sister" She said with voice filled with guilt and sadness. Now Athrun was really confused.

"Wha… Luna, what are you talking about?" Luna wiped away some tears

"I … I …I had totally forgotten about Meyrin's birthday. What kind of sister am I ?" She started to cry again.

"Luna. Luna!" Luna lifted her head, but avoided looking Athrun in the eyes. "What are you talking about Luna, her birthday is two days away, its not like you are late or anything, is it ?" Athrun said trying to calm her down.

"Athrun… you… you don't think I'm a terrible sister ?" He knew that the relationship between the two Hawke sisters was not the best, but sure as hell wasn't going to tell her that.

"Why would I say that ? Stop being hard on yourself, Luna. You have done nothing wrong, its not like you missed her birthday." He stood up and went to sit on his chair. At least no one was watching them anymore.

"Thank you, Athrun" She wiped away her tears and said almost happily "yes, I haven't missed it yet, because you reminded me. Thank you" Before Athrun could reply she quickly added "now, about that flower issue". Athrun dropped whatever it was he was going to say, not to let this important piece of information slip his ears.

"As I remember, she was always very fond lilies and red roses. She always said that those roses look like her hair" Luna smiled a bit "I guess that is why she likes red roses". Athrun nodded

"Thank you, Luna. Could I ask another thing ?" Luna shrugged "off course, that's why I'm here, right ?"

Athrun was glad Luna was starting to look happy again, so he just continued with his next question.

"And I was wondering… what would she like for a present ?" Luna thought about it, then finally answered.

"Honestly ? I have no idea" Athrun looked surprised

"well…. Then maybe I could get her something she doesn't have … any ideas ?" He looked at Luna in hope that she would suggest something, but Luna just shrugged, and said something that left Athrun confused

"you should ask what does she have, that would be easier to answer"

"what…do you mean ? I have no idea what kind of things she has in her house in PLANT, nor do I know what she likes and would need, so I really don't know what to get her" Luna smiled at him sadly "She has never told you, has she ?"

Athrun looked even more confused "about what ?". Luna looked in his eyes and said with pained expression on her face

"We don't have a home in PLANT.. We lived in Junius 7, along with all our relatives and parents… Meyrin and me were visiting some friends on Aprilius, when… when Junius was destroyed … that is the reason we joined ZAFT .. we didn't have anywhere to go" Athrun turned his eyes away from Luna, expression of sadness and pain covering his face.

"I'm sorry. I didn't know that… "

Luna shook her head. "Please don't tell Meyrin I told you … it was very hard for her to get over this, I don't want to remind her." Athrun nodded

"I wont" Before he could say anything else Luna stood up

"Ok, lets get going".

Athrun raised and eyebrow "to where?"

Luna smiled at him "I'll help you to find her a present, its obvious I cant leave it to you, or else you will decide you have to get her a whole house or something" she left out a giggle. Actually, a thought of getting her a house after the things he just learned had come across his mind

"why not ? is that a bad idea ?" Luna's jaw dropped "You can't be serious ?"

"well…" He started but Luna interrupted him again

"You sure are dumb, Athrun. Think for a second, how do you think she would feel about something like that? She would probably die from embarrassment"

Athrun had to agree to that, after giving that a little thought. _How the hell did I come up with that anyway ?_ _I better just let Luna help me, or I would end up getting something inappropriate. _He stood up, placed some money on the table and nodded to Luna, walked to the door and held it open waiting for Luna to go outside, then followed.

* * *

They stopped by a flower saloon, the biggest one in ORB. Luna shook her head "you know, you should probably get the flowers the day you are supposed to give them , not keep them around for 4 days."

Athrun just smiled at her "I'm not buying the flowers yet. I simply want to take care of something. Luna just shrugged and followed Athrun inside the saloon. The place was filled with flowers and plants of all kind, giving Luna the feeling she was walking trough an alley in paradise. Athrun obviously couldn't care less. They found the salesman and Athrun explained his wishes to him.

When he was done Luna asked him "you sure you are not overdoing it ?" Athrun looked at her with confused gaze

"you think she wont like it ?" Luna giggled

"I think she is going to faint" Athrun laughed a bit , with a smile on his face. Then he turned back to salesman who summarized Athrun's request and gave him his bill. Luna felt like _she_ would be the one to faint.

"what kind of money is that ? I never thought flowers could be so expensive. Are you really going to spend that much on this ?" She turned her sight from bill to Athrun. Athrun just smiled sadly and looked away

"They say you can't buy happiness for money. But you said that Meyrin would love this. If she will, then every bit of the money will be more than well spent". Luna raised an eyebrow

"I never knew you had a poetic side to you, Athrun Zala". Athrun felt heat rising in his cheeks. After settling things in the flower shop they went to shopping centre, to find a present.

After looking for a while they stopped at a thing that was so cute in Luna's opinion that she couldn't help but let out a 'squeee' sound.

"Athrun, this is perfect. She is absolutely going to love it." Athrun had no idea why Luna was getting so emotional about this thing. Its not like it was anything grand.

" it's nothing much, Luna. Why do you think she will like it ?" Luna couldn't help but let out a loud sigh and look at Athrun with tired eyes.

"You might be the best pilot of ZAFT and a great soldier, Athrun, but you are clueless when it comes to women, aren't you ?" This comment made heat gather up in Athrun's face again. Looked pleased with the result Luna started to laugh.

After getting the thing purchased and buying an undersized hearth-shaped pillow on which Luna insisted they finally got out of the centre. It was already late and Athrun offered Luna a ride to her house, which she gladly accepted.

While driving Athrun spoke up "Thank you, Luna. I don't know what would have I gotten without you." Luna couldn't help but laugh

"Lets try not to imagine that, ok ?" Athrun couldn't help but agree on that, which made Luna with satisfied look on her face. "By the way, Athrun, how did you find about Meyrin's birthday ? I bet you didn't ask her."

Athrun just shrugged – I found it out in ZAFT files, I checked it up. Luna looked surprised. "how did you manage to do that ? I mean, you are not a part of ZAFT anymore."

Athrun just grinned "you would be surprised how much more secret information gets thrown at you when your ex fiancée is the current chairman, your best friend her right hand man and one of your friends the supreme commander of ZAFT forces" Luna nodded

"true, I forgot about that" … The car drove further in the town towards Luna's house.

* * *

Cagali was about to sit down for supper. She thought about today's events with Athrun. She was mad at him for leaving her just like that. But then again, it was Athrun, and she very well knew that if he had decided on something he will get that done, no matter what.

This meeting must have been something important to him, so she had no rights to complain. They were becoming close again, and he said that they will talk about it, so she decided to cut him some slack – after all she can't just demand him to spend all time with her.

Happy with that thought she sat down to table when suddenly the door bell of her mansion rang. Since she had already sent all the maids home she just had to answer it herself. Wondering who could it be at this hour, she proceeded to door and opened it.

Her eyes widened and the look on her face could have made anyone burst out in laughter. She stood like stupefied for few seconds, then finally started to speak "you…how… what are you doing here ?"

* * *

A/N

End of chapter 1. Please R&R, criticism and any tips welcomed, seeing how this is my first time writing a fic, hope its not too horrible :D Will update in a couple of days, since I unexpectedly have a large amount of spare time at my hands. More of the cast will appear in the next chapter. Hope you will enjoy it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thanks for the reviews, really appreciate them. I'm not going to tell how this is going to end, you will have to read on to find out.  and about Meyrin being too young for Athrun – Athrun is 18 , Meyrin is 16 (17 in 4 days in my story :P ) so I don't see much problems there. Hope my grammar is not too terrible and that you all enjoy my story.

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

_Flashback_

"_Why are we doing this again, Lacus "? Kira was sitting near the window of space shuttle that was heading for ORB. Lacus had decided to take one month vacation from her Chairman's duties. Normally such a thing was not allowed, but since she was still only 18 year old council members agreed she does need some rest. Kira was initially worried about that some things might get out of hand while they would be gone._

_Some members of council, despite all Lacus efforts, still held grudge towards Naturals. Kira was worried that something could happen that would have negative impact on PLANTs relationship with Earth, but Lacus had found a perfect substitute for her – Yzak Joule. Much to everyone's surprise the former radical had joined the Clyne faction._

_But that didn't affect his personality. He was still angry and cocky most of the time. Former elite Red pilot of ZAFT and merciless killer in battle – not many wanted to clash swords with this guy. Kira had to admit it was good to know that Yzak was left in charge – he was feared by everyone. It was unlikely anyone would try anyone to upset him._

_Lacus giggled and looking at Kira with innocent look on her face. "Doing what, Kira? " she asked with her eyes sparkling. She was teasing him, and he knew it. _

"_You know very well what I'm talking about, Lacus. Why are we visiting without telling about our arrival ?" Lacus giggled again with mischievous look in her eyes. _

_Ever since they had decided to go to ORB during their vacation she had told him not to inform their friends. "I want to surprise them". Kira raised an eyebrow. "Or do you think Cagali wont let us stay because of that, Kira ?" _

_She was playing around and looked so childish. She hadn't looked so relaxed for a long time, and Kira decided that it's a good thing, so he let Lacus have her way._

_And so they ended up standing on Cagali's doorstep later that day. "Maybe we should call ? It's pretty late after all." Lacus wasn't going to do that. _

"_Why, Kira?" she had that mischievous look again. "afraid she might be asleep ? If we are going to wake her with a phone call might as well wake her with a doorbell. Why are you so worried, Kira ? you are her brother so this must be your house as well."_

_Kira lowered his head. "I'm not even sure if I can be called that … after all I was created in an artificial womb as an experiment." Lacus looked at Him with worry in her eyes and all excitement gone from her pretty face. Lately Kira had started to remember things about the war and his past, and she didn't like it. It made her feel upset. She placed her hand on Kira's cheek. _

"_Kira ?" He raised his eyes and their gaze met for a moment, and then Kira suddenly snapped back to normal._

"_I'm sorry, Lacus. Please don't mind me. I'm fine, don't worry about it." He added when he saw worry in her eyes. Lacus decided to let it slip and nodded, smile returning on her face. _

"_now then" She reached out and pushed the doorbell button._

_In a few moments door opened revealing owner of the mansion, dressed in her evening gown. Lacus started to giggle and Kira couldn't help but smile at expression on her sister's face. "you…how… what are you doing here ?"_

_End of flashback_

Cagali stood there for few seconds before being able to act. Then she jumped forward and hugged Lacus, who squealed at the sudden actions by the blonde princess but returned the hug. "i'm happy to see you too, Cagali. Kira couldn't help but grin, It was not often that his sister would display such emotions.

Cagali turned her attention to the brunette. "And what are you smiling about, little bro ?" She punched him lightly in the arm.

"Little?" he asked with surprise in his voice. This always seemed to irritate her.

"of course ! There is no doubt that i'm the oldest twin. She exclaimed while putting on an important look on her face.

"Mind if we come in?" despite it being a summer this was turning out to be a cold evening, mostly because of the sharp winds that blew from the ocean. "we can talk inside you know."

"of course , come in, I hope you will be staying here for your visit" she paused for a second "wait a minute.. why are you here without telling me first … and why are you here ?"

"Lacus wanted to make this a surprise, so she told me not to call" Kira explained while shutting the door behind him. Lacus happily nodded, obviously happy that her surprise worked. Cagali showed them to their rooms.

"So" she looked at them with evil grin on her face. "you lovebirds need one room, right ?" Kira and Lacus blushed slightly.

"No"

"Yes"

was the answers Cagali received. She looked to the pink haired princess who had said yes, then to her brother who had said no.

"Huh ? so what's it going to be?"

"I guess we will take two rooms if that is what Kira wants" Lacus sadly said while lowering her head. Cagali shot an evil glance at Kira, that made him feel uneasy. After showing them their rooms Cagali left Kira to unpack and left for kitchen with Lacus.

Her supper was cold already, but she decided she wasn't hungry so she placed it in the fridge. She prepared some tea and sat besides Lacus handing her a cup of tea.

"Thank you" Lacus took the cup and took a sip of the tea. Cagali wanted to learn the reason behind their visit, but decided to do it later and use the opportunity while Kira wasn't here.

"So, Lacus, mind telling me how things are going between you and my little bro ?" Lacus sighed. She was expecting this question.

"He's really nice and sweet to me, he's a real gentleman. He's always protecting me and is concerned about me. He's a very good friend." She took another sip of the tea. Cagali looked at Lacus with observing eye

"But you want him to be more than just a friend, right ?" Lacus silently nodded and quietly continued

"I like him very much, you know that, Cagali. But I don't know how he feels about me… i'm not sure if he feels the same way. It seems that maybe… maybe he doesn't want to be anything more than a friend to me. And lately he has started to think about the past again… about war… "

Cagali didn't like one bit of what she heard. "Don't worry, ill talk to my little bro and beat some sense in to that thick head of his" She looked at Lacus who looked worried and sad. It didn't suit her at all. "Try to cheer up, Lacus, i'm sure things will work out. And besides, Kira will be down here soon, you don't want to let him see yourself like this, do you ?"

"Thank you, Cagali" Lacus took in a deep breath and took another sip of the tea. Cagali noted that she looked a lot better already. Kira came in the kitchen few moments later and sat down at the table and Cagali handed him his coup of tea. She asked the reason behind their visit and Kira told about the vacation and that they wanted to see how their friends are doing.

"I'm surprised they let you go without an army of bodyguards" Kira smiled back at her

"It's not like they didn't try. We were arguing that we didn't want any, but they insisted. Yzak seemed to be extra grumpy that day , and that means something, considering that he's always very grumpy. He slammed his fist on the desk and yelled that if Lacus doesn't want any bodyguards that there will be no bodyguards." Lacus let out a small laugh.

Kira continued "Yzak said that he's responsible for security of Lacus and that if someone doesn't like anything they must talk to him. Needless to say that none wanted to try to convince him" Cagali burst out laughing. She sure liked Yzak's attitude. "So that's why we are here" Kira finished his story.

"Aww, how cute of my little brother to come and visit me" Cagali teased. Kira frowned.

"So, where is Athrun ? He can't be asleep already". Cagali sighed

"Athrun's not here. He's at his own house." Kira looked at Cagali with suspicious glare.

"I thought you two were living together"

Cagali shook her head "what makes you think that, Kira ? Sure, we are close and we might get back together soon, but at the moment he's living in his house together with Meyrin Hawke".

Kira widened his eyes in surprise. Lacus, however, didn't look surprised at all. "You mean that red haired girl from ZAFT ? Why is he with her and not you ?" He sounded a bit angry. Cagali didn't like it. She didn't like it when he was being the overprotective brother. She was ironing things out with Athrun and she certainly didn't need comments from Kira who didn't know anything, since neither she nor Athrun didn't bother to tell him anything.

"Look, Kira, she is simply living there. Athrun told me she didn't have anywhere else to go since she decided to leave ZAFT and he offered her a place to stay. Don't tell me you have forgotten that she helped a great deal when Athrun was wounded o Archangel ?"

Kira looked shocked at his sister's response. Of all things he didn't expect her to be so content with fact that Athrun was living with another girl. Lacus didn't feel like listening to this chatter, plus she was tired.

"Cagali, if you will excuse me I would like to go to sleep, i'm exhausted from the trip and work I had to do in last few months.

Cagali nodded. "Sure, see you tomorrow, Lacus." Lacus smiled at her and Kira, then stood up and left the kitchen, leaving the two siblings alone. After a brief moment of silence Kira spoke up.

"Cagali, don't you care that Athrun is with another girl ?" Cagali felt an urge to throw something heavy at her brother. He was saying it almost like Athrun was sleeping with Meyrin. Athrun had told her that they were not even dating and she had no reason not to believe that. Since nothing expendable was in the reach she chose to sigh instead and looked at Kira with tired look.

"Kira, stop making assumptions, this is not like you at all. She is just living there, she is not going out with Athrun."

"and how do you know that ?" Kira's voice held a hefty amount of anger. Cagali was starting to get angry as well. It wasn't like Kira at all to bug her about her personal life.

She raised a tone in her voice "Athrun told me so. Are you saying to me that you consider him a liar?" She knew very well that hell would freeze over the day Athrun Zala would start lying. And she knew that Kira knows that as well. "And besides, what do you want me to do about it ? Go over there and throw here out and drag Athrun with me ?"

"And why not ?" Kira snapped, slamming his fist against table almost yelling. Now Cagali was really confused, which could be seen on her face. This wasn't like Kira at all, and she was started to feel that if there is someone she would like thrown out it would be him.

Much to Kira's surprise (and to her own) she stood up and slapped Kira across his face. "What the hell is wrong with you, Kira ?" She yelled at him. Looks like that did the trick and Kira snapped back to reality, there was no more anger in his eyes.

"I'm …i'm sorry, Cagali…i…didn't mean to…" he was mumbling while rubbing his red cheek. "Cagali still looked angry.

"I think you should go get some rest, Kira" she firmly said.

"Cagali, i… " he started again but was interrupted by his sister.

"Now, Kira. Don't make me regret I let you stay here." Kira decided it's best to comply.

"Sorry" he quietly said while retreating from the kitchen and going up to his room. Kira himself couldn't understand what had gotten in to him and caused him to start yelling. He sighed. Maybe he also needed some rest as well.

Cagali sat back on the chair looking mighty pissed. _What a day. I argue with Athrun in the morning, then go over some unpleasant discussions with the council, I didn't get to eat my supper, Lacus and Kira show up from nowhere and I get in to a fight with my bro after finally meeting him after 6 months about matters that don't concern him. Sheesh._

"maybe I should get some sleep too. Things always look better in the morning" She mumbled while lifting herself up from the chair and moving forwards her room.

* * *

Sun shined trough the window, slowly creeping towards the girls face. "Mhmm…" The red haired girl turned to other side but it didn't help. She was awake. Meyrin sat up in her bed and stretched like a cat while yawning. _Morning already ?_ She stood up and stretched again. She hated mornings like this. She was definitely not a morning person.

And since her rooms windows were located in the East wall, sun always shined in there very early during summer. Athrun had asked her why doesn't she sleep longer if she felt so sleepy in mornings. When she had told him about the sun he immediately had offered her to swhich rooms with him. His was on the North side.

She had declined immediately. Last thing she wanted was to be any kind of burden to him. Meyrin thought she was a burden enough by simply staying in Athrun's house. Speaking of Athrun, he didn't come back home yesterday. She was slightly worried, but Athrun definitely could take care of himself , so she didn't let that bother her for too long.

Maybe he came back during night. Anyway, her head felt too heavy to be used for thinking. She decided to go take a cold shower. Not that she liked it one bit, but it helped her to wake up. She opened her room door and , still yawning, stepped outside, but bumped in to something.

She opened her eyes and looked at the blue haired boy she had bumped in to. Apparently Athrun was passing her room when she was walking out and she just had not to look where she was going. "Athrun... i'm sorry, i…". Athrun looked at her and smiled a warm smile.

"What are you apologizing for, Meyrin." Then he quickly turned away.

Meyrin was kinda lost. _Did I do anything to upset him ?He said it was ok, so why did he turn away…_

"Um, Meyrin…" He sounded kinda nervous. Meyrin looked down and suddenly she understood. She was still wearing only her bra and panties. She quickly retreated to her room, closing the door behind her.

Athrun stood outside with his face as red as a boiled lobster. "Uh…Meyrin, i'm sorry…I dint mean to…. Sorry" He quickly walked away from her room, trying to get himself together.

After his face had returned to its original color he sighed. What a morning. Not that he had anything against it… a picture of previous Meyrin again flooded his mind and his face again gained a shade of pink. _Have some decency, Zala_ he said to himself.

After realizing that standing here and trying to forget it while thinking about it at the same time was having very limited success he decided to go do something. He shook his head and headed downstairs to listen to some news.

Meyrin sat on the floor in her room, back laid against the door, face about the same color as Athrun's. _Boy, Meyrin. Of all the things you have to run in to Athrun while being almost naked. _After a moment she stood up. Well, at least now she could have a normal shower instead of a cold one – this incident had awoken her completely.

What she noticed strange was the fact that she didn't feel too embarrassed. She had always been very shy around boys. She never even had gone on a date with one, although many had asked her. Yet somehow she didn't feel too bad about Athrun seeing her in the situation he did.

She loved Athrun. She knew that. She had fallen for him the moment he set his foot on Minerva's deck. Yet she could never tell him. Athrun was Cagali's. She was content by simply living beside him. She would never try to interfere with his and Cagali's relationship. She didn't want to be any kind of trouble to him.

She sighed at herself. _You are pathetic, Meyrin Hawke. _She said to herself. She loved him so much. Yet she never dared to tell him. He belonged to someone else. And what could possibly someone like Athrun – rich, handsome, a legendary war hero and elite pilot, yet at the same time gentle and caring, a perfect gentleman, possibly see in her ?

Athrun was like a dream to her – a perfect man. A dream that she wanted more than anything else. If he would love her she would die from happiness. But, he didn't. And she didn't expect it either. She didn't expect someone like Athrun to love a simple girl like her. She was just happy to love him and being able to see him every day. _You truly are pathetic, Meyrin Hawke. _

She opened her door and stuck out her head. After confirming that this time she wouldn't bump in to a certain some one she proceeded to Bathroom. After that she got dressed and went down to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. She had been doing so for past 4 months.

In the beginning Athrun didn't want to let her – he was a pretty good cook himself and he didn't want Meyrin to have some obligations. Meyrin, off course, thought she was being even more of a burden and had practically beg Athrun to allow her to cook their food.

She had to do double the amount of begging before he allowed her to clean the house. She felt extremely bad about living in his house and not doing anything. She even wanted to pay him rent in the beginning. Athrun of course had answered that it would be the end of the world when he would allow her to do that.

Not like she had much money anyway, the main reason she couldn't stay in the hotel any longer. Her previous job in ZAFT didn't pay much, and now she didn't have a job. She tried to find one, but Athrun had told her to stop worrying about such things and that she can live here as long as she wants.

So in the end she ended up cleaning the house, biggest mess being her own room, since Athrun was very tidy. And cooking. Athrun wouldn't let her do anything more, although she felt like she should.

Meyrin went down stairs and in to the kitchen. Athrun was already there, baking pancakes. Meyrin felt sad inside, since she thought she was being a burden again. Not that anything in Athrun's mind even remotely associated Meyrin as a burden, but she really thought she was.

He heard her enter, looked away from her and said in a silent voice. "Meyrin…look, i'm sorry about what happened upstairs…I dint mean to…you know…" Meyrin felt heat rising in her cheeks.

"Don't say that, Athrun-kun, I didn't mean to bump in to you, it was my fault, I wasn't looking where I was going.."

_Is she really that worried about running in to me ? Does she really think I will get angry for that ?_ Athrun let out a small chuckle, which confused Meyrin. "Meyrin, please stop apologizing for everything. Do I really look that angry ?" He smiled at her. He looked as far from angry as they come.

"I'm sorry, Athrun-kun, I didn't mean that…"

Athrun sighed. "please stop apologizing Meyrin, you are saying that as if you have done something bad. And please don't call me Athrun-kun. It makes me feel old or like we would be total strangers. There is no reason to be so uptight around me"

Meyrin wanted to apologize again, but stopped in time. _I really am uptight, aren't I ? _Encouraged by Athrun's words she simply nodded and said. "Ok, Athrun, thank you"

_I wish she would stop thanking me for everything, it makes me feel uptight._

"Breakfast is ready" He claimed. He carried a plate of pancakes to the table and held her seat while she sat down. _He is just too good for me._ They ate the pancakes in silence. After they were done Athrun proceeded to wash the dishes, but was stopped by Meyrin.

"Meyrin ?" he asked as the red haired girl jumped between him and the kitchen sink.

"Athrun (she almost added kun but remembered not to in the last moment), you already made the breakfast, which was my job. The least I can do is clean up"

Athrun sighed _Why does she always want to find some 'job' to do? _But he didn't want to argue since he know how long it takes to talk her out of doing something, so he just nodded, told her thank you and went out of the kitchen.

He didn't have anything planned for today. He had nothing better to do, so might as well mess around with his bike. It was a sports bike, which, thanks to Athrun's modifications, already was probably the fastest one in the world. But he still wanted to see how far he could upgrade it.

Then his cell phone rang. He looked at the display to see whose calling and was quite surprised at the caller. Cagali

"Um.. yes, Cagali ?" Lame answer, and he knew it.

"Hi, Athrun. I was wondering if you could come over to my place in the evening ? Say, at 7pm ? " It wasn't unusual for them to meet. Unusual was the fact that she called him.

"Um, sure. I don't have any plans today, so ill come" "Thanks, Athrun….i love you" With that she hang up.

Athrun was a little confused about that, but didn't let it bother him. He had lots of time till evening, so he resumed to his previous activity. Meyrin was done washing the dishes and proceeded to clean the house.

Later that day Athrun was done with his bike (ok, he was far from done, but he wanted to wash up and get ready for his visit later in the evening.) and Meyrin was in the kitchen making a dinner. She was a fantastic cook and anything she made tasted godly to Athrun, who hadn't had much chance to eat good food during his military days.

Suddenly the TV Athrun was watching turned off. _What the ?_ He tried to turn it on, but no luck. A bit confused he walked in to the kitchen to find just as confused Meyrin who was standing in front of the now un-operational electric range.

"A…Athrun ?" Meyrin looked at the blue haired Coordinator.

"Looks like the power is gone" He sighed, then went over to the radio and turned it on. _Luckily this thing runs on batteries_. He set it to the emergency announcement channel.

'_we apologize for the inconvenience, but_ _due to a breakdown in the main power generator living blocks A – F will be left without power for about 15 hours. We are sorry for any trouble this has caused and we assure you that we are working to fix this problem as fast as possible……… I repeat' _Athrun turned the Radio off.

_Figures. Oh well, no point getting upset about it._ He looked at Meyrin who looked kinda unhappy. "What's the matter. Meyrin ?" She looked at Athrun and said with discontent

"I couldn't finish cooking the dinner, now we won't be able to have a normal dinner – we will have to settle with some sandwiches. I..i hope its ok with you, Athrun ?"

_Why does she always worry about me ? And why does she sound guilty about it ? It's not like its her fault. Not that I would blame her even if it were. And I have eaten plenty of stuff worse than sandwiches. Hm… but this doesn't mean we cant have a normal dinner._

"Meyrin ?" he asked while looking her in the eyes.

"Yes?".

"Would you like to go out to eat ?" Meyrin felt like blushing. _Come on, Meyrin, stop thinking like that. It's not like he's asking you out on a date or anything. He's just offering you to go to get some dinner because the house is without power._

"Thank you, Athrun. i... i would love to" she nervously stated. Athrun didn't notice it. "Ill just go change my clothes" Athrun nodded

"Ill just wait here then" She appeared soon wearing her white trousers and white shirt with red Jumper. She really looked good in those casual clothes.

_But now that I think of it, its not like she has many outfits. She only has this one and the other one she usually wears around the house – the pink shirt with short, black skirt and black tights. Maybe I should get her a dress for her birthday. I'm sure she would love that._

"Athrun, what are you smiling about ?".

"Mmm ? Oh, its nothing, I just remembered something".

"Oh, ok. I'm ready to go". Athrun nodded and stood up.

"Do you mind if we walk instead of driving ? The place I have in mind is only in 10 minute walk from here and traffic is awful during these hours.

Meyrin shook her head. "Not at all, Athrun". It didn't matter to her how or where they went, as long as it would be with him. Athrun noticed she had her hair straight, instead of the usual two pigtails. _It looks good on her._

"Shall we ?" Athrun asked while opening the door and holding it open. Meyrin quickly nodded and rushed out of the house, Athrun followed her and locked the door behind them.

* * *

They were walking for about 10 minutes now in complete silence. Athrun was caught by his memories of past and simply walked automatically towards his destination, blank expression on his face.

Meyrin was walking one step behind him. She always seemed to do so, whenever they went together somewhere. Which wasn't often. She wanted to walk beside him. Just walk beside him holding his hand. But she didn't know if Athrun wanted her to walk beside him. People could mistake them for a couple. And that they were not.

Meyrin Shook her head, trying to chase away the unhappy thoughts. It was like always – she stood somewhere behind him, admiring him from afar. Just like always. She was happy just to be able to love him and to watch him. He had touched her one time – in the fake Lacus concert in Gibraltar, when someone bumped in to her, she had been pushed in to Athrun.

Then he had placed his arm around her waist and guided her out of the crowd. She wished he would do that again. To feel him touching her… _You really are pathetic, Meyrin Hawke. _She heard that inner voice for the third time this day. And she couldn't help but agree.

"Here we are" Meyrin shook of her load of thoughts and took a look at where Athrun had brought her. She felt like her jaw would drop to the floor, her eyes widened in astonishment.

They stood in front of a large glass building, which was very high and occupied a large part of the small park in which it was located. This was the most famous high-class restaurant in ORB. But she could never afford to eat there.

"Athrun…" she started while blushing from embarrassment and turning her head away"you know…i…I can't afford to eat in such place…i..". Athrun couldn't help but feel bad. Sometimes he simply used to forget about these issues. It was easy to forget when money was not an issue. He couldn't help but feel bad how he made her feel.

But one thing he knew – _Is she really thinking I expect her to pay for her dinner ? Give me a break. What kind of man would that make me ?_ Certainly not one he would ever want to be, and certainly a man he wasn't.

"Meyrin" he quietly said while looking in her eyes. She stopped talking and looked back at him. "I'm sorry if I have made you feel uncomfortable, it was never my intention. As was never my intention to ask you to pay for anything. Do you really think that low of me ? You have done more than enough for me, Meyrin. More than anyone has ever done for me, please… allow me to show at least some gratitude"

Meyrin felt tears gathering in her eyes. She shook her head and wiped her eyes with her hands, to stop tears from forming. "Athrun…i… everything I did for you… I did because I wanted to…I ..you …you don't have to pay me back…i… "

"Meyrin !" Again she was stopped by Athrun's voice. "Meyrin, i'm not doing this to pay back if that is what you are thinking. I'm also doing this because I want to. So please… stop thinking such thoughts, Meyrin."

Meyrin couldn't believe how happy these words made her feel. _Maybe...if he isn't doing this to thank me for helping him escape that ZAFT base … then maybe… maybe he doesn't see me as a burden to him… "_

Athrun saw a weak smile appear on her face and he took that as a good sign. "So, shall we ?" he extended his hand in direction of the restaurant. Meyrin just nodded and they went inside. Athrun could have sworn he had seen Lacus on the street further away. But quickly disbanded that thought. Lacus was on PLANT so there is no way she could be here.

Meyrin couldn't remember when was the last time she had eaten such tasty food. At first she almost fainted from the prices in the menu. She would probably be broke just by eating once here.

At first she ordered a very little dish and a tiny piece of salad. But after Athrun told her that he would be unhappy if she wouldn't order everything she really would like, she gave in and tried everything she wanted.

Athrun couldn't understand how she could eat so much, but looks like she was happy for a change, and that was good enough for him. Then he remembered he had a meeting at Cagali's place at 7pm. He took a quick look at his watch. 6:10 pm. It took 20 minutes to get to Cagali's mansion from here.

He asked Meyrin if she wouldn't mind if they would stop by Cagali's house on their way back. Meyrin didn't mind at all, and Athrun was grateful for that.

* * *

On their way to Cagali's mansion they talked about few things. Nothing special or meaningful, just some small talk. Athrun laughed a few times as she told about few awkward situations she had in her academy. She still walked one step behind him though

For a moment Athrun thought if it was wise to bring Meyrin with him but he didn't have any choice at the moment.

"Athrun, you are a good friend" As much as these words hurt her she had to say them. She just felt like she had to.

"You too, Meyrin, you too" was Athrun's answer. She turned her head not to let Athrun see a single tear making its way down her cheek.

They stopped in front of Cagali's mansion gate. For the second time today Meyrin felt like her jaw would drop. To her it seemed more like a castle. The gigantic 'house' had two floors, each as big as a golf field. Immense garden was filled with fountains and statues and a maze of hedgerow.

She felt out of place here, just like in that restaurant. Athrun opened the gate and waited for Meyrin to pass trough it. They walked up to the door and Athrun pushed the door bell.

Some servant opened the door and guided them in. he asked the two guest to wait and went to inform Cagali.

She soon appeared, looking very not Cagali-like. She was wearing a green dress and her hair looked like they were finally tamed. Athrun had to admit she looked very beautiful.

Cagali was smiling, but her gaze darkened when she saw Meyrin standing there.

"Athrun" She hugged Athrun, who returned the gesture. After that She turned to Meyrin, who bowed and said.

"its good to see you , Cagali-sama" Cagali waved her hand in front of her.

"Please, just Cagali is fine. I hear all those titles all day long enough to get sick of them" Athrun couldn't help but chuckle. Cagali turned to Athrun. "Athrun… not to sound rude or anything… but why did you bring her ?" Athrun knew this was going to happen and he had prepared an answer long ago.

"You know about the power plant being damaged, right ?" Cagali nodded "Well, my house lost electricity and we couldn't prepare dinner, so we went out to eat. I had to come to see you, and I had no time to walk her home. I couldn't tell her to go home alone, that would be extremely rude."

Meyrin bowed her head "I'm sorry if I'm causing you trouble, I can leave…

" "No, Meyrin, stay". Meyrin stared in surprise

"Cagali ?" Cagali smiled at her.

She wasn't very fond of the fact that Athrun had brought her with him, but she had to agree that he acted correctly. Athrun was very gentle and a true gentleman, leaving a girl alone wouldn't be something he would do. And Cagali wouldn't like it if he would have done so either. More than bringing her with him.

"Meyrin, could you wait while and Athrun talk for a while? You can stay in the guestroom" Cagali pointed at a door just a few meters away. Meyrin nodded and went over to the room, while Cagali and Athrun walked to the room that was across the hall.

Athrun leaned forward and whispered in her ear "you are beautiful, Cagali" and gave her a peck on the cheek. She blushed red like tomato.

About two hours had passed and Meyrin started to get bored. She had quickly listed trough some magazines in the guestroom, watched TV a bit and now she was bored. She decided to look around the house a bit.

She walked forward the hallway looking at the various pictures at the walls. She had to admit the house was impressive as well as cozy. As she went forward she noticed that door to some room was not closed tightly, leaving a small gap. She thought she could hear crying from there.

She approached the door, thinking whether she should watch or not. Curiosity won and she leaded toward the gap.

Cagali was embraced by Athrun, and she was crying, while he was patting her hair. She lifted her tear filled eyes and looked in Athrun's.

"Athrun…would you…. Marry me ?"

"Yes"

Athrun leaned down and kissed her, while embracing her tightly.

A single tear found its way down Meyrin's beautiful face for the second time today

* * *

A/N:

Second chapter done, hope i'm not writing too horribly and I hope you are all enjoying this story. Please R&R, tips, comments, criticism all welcomed. Character bashing unwellcomed.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N:

Thanks for the reviews, I wish there were more but oh well. Time for chapter 3, and don't worry, things are not over yet :D

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

Meyrin backed away from the door and leaned against the wall. She wiped away the tear from her face and dried her eyes to prevent more from forming. She noticed she was trembling. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down.

She should feel happy for Athrun, right ? After all she knew all along this was supposed to happen. Athrun had been engaged to Cagali before, right ? So it shouldn't be surprising that after the war had ended that he and Cagali started to see each other again.

She had always worried about Athrun's happiness. So she should feel happy for him now, right ? If that was so, then why did she feel so miserable now ? She shook her head while trying to get hold of herself, after that she hurried back to the guest room.

She sat down and took another deep breath. She couldn't let Athrun see her like this. Athrun would be worried if she looked unhappy. He always did. But for some reason she couldn't help but feel sad. It's not like she had lost Athrun – he was never her's to begin with. Then why… ?

Her trail of thoughts was interrupted by footsteps coming down the hallway. She could already guess who it would be and she tried hard not to show any of the feelings, that were currently tearing her hearth up, on her face.

Athrun entered the room together with Cagali, arm around her waist. Athrun looked more stiff than usual and Cagali looked happier than usual. "Sorry to keep you waiting so long, Meyrin". Meyrin shook her head at Athrun

"Don't worry about it, Athrun"

"By the way, we have some news" Cagali exclaimed with her face shining.

Meyrin tried to put on the best surprised face she could muster and asked with fake curiosity in her voice, as she could already guess what the news were. "Really, and what would that be ?"

Cagali was literally shining as she pulled Athrun closer to her "Athrun and I are getting married" she squealed.

Although Meyrin already knew that, she couldn't help but feel like a dagger would be piercing her hearth at this very moment. "R… Really ? wow. i…i'm happy for both of you, congratulations." She sure didn't look like she would be very happy, at least in Athrun's thoughts.

Cagali leaned in and gave Athrun a small kiss on the lips, which made Meyrin feel even worse inside. "I have to go now, Athrun, I have another damn meeting tonight. Although now I feel like it wont be so bad" Cagali let out a small giggle and kissed Athrun again.

Athrun only nodded "Sure, good luck to you… so…um…ill see you in 5 days at the ball."

Cagali smiled at him "yeah… too bad I have work to do for 5 days, so I wont be able to see you." Then she shot an angry glare at him "You better show up there, Athrun Zala, after all that's when we are going to announce it to the public that we are engaged"

"Yes, dear "

Cagali grinned at him. "Good. Now I got to run, love you" and she rushed out of the room..

Athrun sighed out of relief and turned his attention to Meyrin. "Sorry about making you wait, Meyrin. Shall we go home?"

It looked like she didn't hear him. He walked over to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. "You ok, Meyrin ?"

She snapped out of it and nodded at him. "Yes, i…i'm fine".

Meyrin sure didn't look like she was fine to him. But he was not the one to ask about other people feelings – if they wanted they would tell themselves. Of course the chance that Meyrin would tell him her feelings was flat, but he didn't know that. "If you say so. Then shall we ?"

Meyrin answered with a 'yes' and they left Cagali's mansion and headed home. They were silent all the way home. Athrun was wondering what had happened today and why did he agree to marry Cagali, when yesterday he had told her that he's not sure how he feels. Did his feelings change that quickly ?

Meyrin was walking two steps behind him, her head bowed down , so no one could see her eyes , since they reflected the storm that was raging in her heart.

* * *

After they got home Meyrin thanked Athrun for the dinner and quickly rushed up to her room. Athrun could tell that something is bothering her, but he had no idea what. After deciding not to ponder about it, since she would tell him if she wanted to, he decided to get to bed and reflect upon what happened today.

He laid down in his bed and sighed. Today was full of events that didn't happen to him everyday. First there was the power failure and he took Meyrin out to dinner because of it. He sure enjoyed talking to her while they were walking to Cagali's place.

And she seemed happy about it. Although she still walked behind him. Then there was his conversation with Cagali which ended up with something he sure as hell hadn't planed.

_Flashback_

_They had been talking for about 10 minutes when suddenly Cagali informed him. "By the way, Athrun, some old friends have come to visit us." _

_Athrun looked confused, and this could be seen in his face as he stared at Cagali, which made her grin. He knew very well she was teasing him and wouldn't tell anything if he didn't ask, so he just had to play along. "What friends ?". he really couldn't think of any old friends that would appear out of nowhere without telling him, if they really are his friends._

"_Oh, no one special. Just Kira and Lacus". The confusion on Athrun's face made her feel all worm inside. She never grew tired of teasing him. _

"_Kira ? L…Lacus " Athrun stammered "B… but aren't they on PLANTs ? I mean… Lacus is the chairman and…"_

_Cagali couldn't help but laugh at Athrun's confusion. "Yes, but now Lacus is on a vacation and they decided to visit us". _

"_Vacation ? Since when can chairmans go on vacations ?" Athrun was pretty sure that they couldn't. _

"_Normally, they can't. But since Lacus is only 18 the Council decided she needs some rest, because the burden of being a Chairman is quite heave you know"_

_Athrun thought about it. It did make sense. After all, they all were so young. Yet they had to experience so many things it seemed a lifetime had passed already. He sure wished they wouldn't have to live in times like these._

"_So, are they here ?" _

_Cagali shook her head. "Lacus insisted that they go out on a dinner and they still haven't come back yet. She thinks Kira is in bigger need for vacation than herself." _

_This caught Athrun's attention. "How come?"._

_Cagali Leaned back in her chair and looked at Athrun with semi-worried face. "She says he has been acting kinda weird lately. She says he sometimes drifts in his memories about the past… the war. And that he is thinking about her."_

_Athrun raised an eyebrow "Fllay ?" Cagali nodded. "I thought he had gotten over her… and the war. At least that is what he told me, and I don't think he would ever lie to me."_

"_I know, Athrun, I know… its just that Lacus is worried… and she usually doesn't worry over nothing. You know that she is strong. She also says he gets angry at times, for no apparent reason at all". _

_Athrun looked like he was in deep thoughts. That definitely didn't sound like Kira at all. Usually Kira was peaceful and quiet. Hardly anything could get hem angry, even if the reason was apparent._

"_And" she continued "yesterday, when I was talking with Kira, he got angry, he even started to yell". Now Athrun was really confused. It sure didn't sound like it was Kira they were talking about. He couldn't imagine Kira yelling at his sister about anything._

"_Lacus says it must be stress. I hope she can get Kira backing shape". _

_Athrun was getting really worried now. Stress ? Not like Kira hadn't been in stress situations before. A lot. He was pretty sure that no stress in an office could compare the stress Kira had gone trough in war._

_And he wasn't worried only about Kira. He was worried about Lacus as well. He had never been that close to Lacus, despite them being engaged in the past. But one thing he knew – he had the ability to see trough her mask._

_The mask of happiness and smile she put on so often, just because everyone around expected her to be that way. As far as he knew, he was the only one who could see trough her mask. That fake smile, one he didn't like one bit._

_Because each time she put on that smile he knew she was unhappy deep inside. And he had seen that fake, perfect smile far too often during the war to like that. She wasn't as strong as everyone thought she was. _

_And definitely not when matters concerned Kira. He decided to have a talk with Lacus later about this, since he doubted Kira would be happy to talk about this matter to him. "I hope she and Kira will be alright"._

_Cagali nodded "I hope we all will be, Athrun"._

_Athrun looked at her. She was looking down, with her head resting on her palms, with elbows placed on her knees. He had to admit she looked very pretty in this dress. Just looking at her made some old memories come back. _

_Their first meeting. He almost chuckled at that. Talk about mother of all bad meetings. She had shot him. Twice. And he had almost sliced her throat with a knife. Their first kiss before the last battle of previous war. How she came after him when he was about to self destruct together with Justice inside GENESIS._

_The day he gave her a ring… The day when she almost married another guy. He winced at that thought. The day she removed the ring … the day he escaped from ZAFT with Meyrin. Meyrin… somehow she has been on his mind lately._

"_Athrun?" former pilot was brought back to this dimension from the land of his memories. He realized he had been staring at her all this time. His cheeks gained a slight color of red. _

"_Cagali, i… " He fell silent in surprise as Cagali launched herself against him and hugged him tightly. "Cagali ?" She looked up at him , tears falling from her eyes. He placed his arms around her, returning the embrace._

"_Athrun… what happened between us? Why did we ever separate ?". tears were falling down her face "I love you so much, Athrun…please, don't leave me again". He was struck dumb for a moment. _

"_Cagali, i… " he was interrupted by Cagali_

"_Athrun…would you…. Marry me ?"_

"_Yes"_

_He leaned down and kisser, while pulling her closer to him at the same time… _

_They stood like that for a while, before finally breaking up. Athrun wiped the tears away from her face with his thumbs. "I'm so happy Athrun. I love you so much". She took a seat again, looking up at Athrun. _

"_Athrun ?". _

"_Yes, Cagali ?"._

_She blushed a bit. "Um… i'm having a big ball in 5 days, do you mind coming… we could also announce the news to all our guests". Athrun sure wasn't fond of such things, but he couldn't say no to her now. _

"_off course I will…_

_End of flashback_

And then there was Meyrin. She looked really enjoying herself in the restaurant, and the talking they had while walking. He really liked to talk to her. Just then he realized something – he had never talked to someone about simple, completely unimportant things.

Yet he could freely talk about such things with Meyrin. And she also seemed to enjoy the talk. _I guess…I really like her… _picture of Meyrin in her 'morning outfit' came to his mind. Athrun slapped himself on the head.

_Stop it, Zala. You are engaged to Cagali now, stop thinking about Meyrin…_Meyrin… she did seem very upset after their visit to Cagali's house. He hoped he didn't do anything to upset her. He didn't like it when she was upset, it didn't suit her, just like it didn't suit Lacus.

Anyway, her birthday was in three days, and he hoped she would enjoy it. He decided to go to Luna's place tomorrow to ask her to help with purchasing a dress for Meyrin.

He slowly fell asleep, thinking about a certain red haired girl.

* * *

Meyrin woke up in the morning, her eyes red and puffy from crying. Yesterday she had cried herself to sleep. Her hair was also a complete mess. She decided that she must wash up and calm down – last thing she wanted was to worry Athrun, since she knew he would be worried if she would look like that.

It was Tuesday, and they usually went to the store, to buy food for the whole week. After she was done with her morning procedures she went downstairs and found a note from Athrun, that said he had some business to take care of and that he would be gone for some hours.

_Great, now what do I do ? I cant even make us a diner since there is nothing to make it from…_ then she noticed something

_p.s. I'm sorry but I cant go shopping with you this morning. I have left some money on the fridge, so you can go to the store alone if you don't want to wait for me. And please take a taxi – I don't want you carrying all groceries._

Off course she did want to wait for him to get back… but then again she wanted to meet him home with dinner ready. So she went to the fridge and found the money Athrun had left on top of it. _What ? This much ? what does he think I will buy ? Its like he wouldn't worry about money at all_. Which off course was the case actually.

Meyrin put on her shoes and headed towards the mall. _I'm not going to take a taxi… they are expensive you know… I cant afford to spend Athrun's money so carelessly. Its not like I cant walk or carry some weight a bit._

* * *

Doorbell rang for the third time, and Luna had no choice but to answer it. "Ok, ok, i'm coming. Sheesh." Just great – just when she got a day off, someone has to arrive early and weak her up. She proceeded to unlock the door.

She was determined to read a little lecture to whomever was behind that door about waking people up in the mornings during their holidays. Her intentions quickly changed once she saw the visitor.

"Oh, good morning, Athrun" she yawned and stretched "what brings you here?"

Athrun felt heat gathering in his face. Luna sure reminded him of her sister in the morning – only Luna was wearing a purple nightgown, which was a bit too transparent for him to consider it decent.

"Good morning, Luna… um…would you mind putting some clothes on ?"

Luna sleepily looked at Athrun's red face, then down at her. "Oh, this is what's bothering you ?" She let out a slight laugh. "Fine, come on in and ill go get dressed." She sure wasn't as shy as her sister.

Athrun sat down on a sofa and started to wait. After 10 minutes Luna came back, this time properly dressed and it looked like she was properly woken up. Athrun looked at her with confused gaze and asked "Luna, please don't tell me you open doors to anyone without asking who it is dressed like that ?"

Luna giggled at that. "Depends how sleepy I am" she shrugged "besides, what can happen ?"

Athrun thought about it. Well, after all Luna was a former elite red pilot of ZAFT, and she sure knew how to take care of herself. If someone would try anything funny he sure would get his arse kicked.

"You were as red as a beet, Athrun. Do you always get so embarrassed around girls ?"

Athrun felt his face heating up again. _Just leave it to Luna to get me embarrassed. I swear, that must be her specialty. _Seeing him blush again made Luna giggle.

"Don't answer that, Athrun" she said with grin on her face. Not like he was going to anyway. "So, what brings you here ?" She put on a fake angry face "You better have a good reason for waking me up so early in a holiday. We are not in military anymore you know, and I like to get some sleep when I can"

"Sorry, Luna. I didn't know you would be sleeping. I you see…i…". So he told her he wants to purchase a dress for Meyrin and he needs her help with that obviously".

Luna raised an eyebrow, but her eyes showed she was kinda excited. "You sure are going to spoil her, aren't you ?".

"Spoil ? I don't think so, Luna. After all she has done for me… at least I can try to repay her somehow by making her happy. And its not like she has a great deal of clothes to wear, so I thought she might like it".

Luna was looking at Athrun's face while he was talking. _Damn, Meyrin. If you and Athrun will end together you will be the happiest girl in the world. He has a pure heart of gold, despite everything he has been trough._

Luna got up and nodded her head. "Ok, Athrun. Its not like I have anything better to do, so we might as well go look for that dress. And besides – this is not something I can leave to you anyway, is it ?" She added with a grin on her face . Athrun couldn't help but agree.

* * *

After scouting around some tailor shops in the town they finally agreed on one dress. It was an elegant black dress, made from silk, which reached down almost to knees and a v-neck cut, without sleeves.

"Meyrin is going to faint when she sees it" Luna's eyes were sparkling. "So you better be ready to catch her". Athrun felt like blushing again. "So, what are you planning to do on her birthday ? I'm sure she hasn't thought about it"

"Well… I was thinking of bringing her to the new theme park. Think she would like it ?"

Luna giggled "off course she will" she shot a mischievous glare at Athrun "I think she will be happy to go anywhere with you".

"wha... what makes you say that Luna?"

Luna's eyes widened in surprise. "Come on, don't tell me you haven't noticed how much she likes you during these 5 months ?"

Athrun turned a tad redder than he normally is. "You… you think she likes me ? I don't know… she doesn't even walk beside me, she always stays a step or two behind…"

Luna couldn't help but stare at him with a glare that clearly had a 'you sure are helpless cause" written all over it. _You sure are dense, aren't you, Athrun…_ She just shook her head and said. "Well, if you are getting her a dress, you might want to consider getting her proper shoes as well…."

* * *

When he got home Meyrin had already gotten back from the mall and just finished cooking dinner. The smell was gorgeous. He preferred Meyrin's cooking over any high class restaurants. When he told her that she just had blushed and said that he is just saying that.

"Oh, hello Athrun, how was the meeting ?"

"Thank you, Meyrin, it went ok" well, he did get her a beautiful dress and a pair of elegant shoes. Not to mention a glimpse of Luna dressed in a transparent nightgown. So the day really did go well.

He took a look at what she was cooking. "I see you already went shopping"

"Yes, I wanted to have dinner ready by the time you get home" she smiled at him.

_She is such a kind person… she always thinks about others before herself…_ "Thank you, Meyrin. You are being too kind to me"

Meyrin blushed a little. "I'm already being trouble to you by staying at your hose, so the least I can do is…"

"Meyrin !" she was interrupted by Athrun . "Why do you always say things like that ? I'm truly thankful that you are here… have I ever made you feel like you are not welcomed here ?"

Meyrin bowed down her head. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean that… its just that … you are being so good to me… I … I don't deserve it, i'm just a…"

"Meyrin !" she was interrupted again. She raised her eyes and looked at Athrun, afraid that he might be angry. Instead he looked at her with warmth and kindness in his eyes. "Meyrin, stop thinking like that. Please. If anything, i'm not being nearly good enough to you… you deserve much more than I could ever give. I even rarely talk to you…"

Meyrin stood there her cheeks red like traffic lights. _Does he really mean it ? He is just too good for me… I don't deserve any of this… yet he thinks he can't give enough to me… just by having him would be like living in a dream…"_

She brushed that thought aside. It would make her sad to think about that, and she didn't want him worrying about her.

Athrun went to her and placed a hand on her shoulder. Surprised by her touch she looked up at him. "Please, don't ever think like that Meyrin. You were never a hindrance if that is what you are thinking. I'm truly happy that you are here. So please…ok ?"

Since she felt like she had lost her voice she could only nod. Then she remembered something. "WHAAAAH, the roast is burning !" She quickly rushed toward the oven to save it.

After the dinner, which Athrun enjoyed to the fullest, she quickly stood up and rushed over her purse. Athrun was left wondering what she was doing. She returned quickly.

"Here is the money that's left over after I bought the groceries. You might want to count it, just to make sure I haven't lost any…" She stopped when she saw Athrun let out a sigh and bang his head on the desk. "A… Athrun, are you ok ?" She quickly asked with worry in her eyes.

Athrun slowly turned his head toward Meyrin. "Please…stop worrying about things like these. I'm pretty sure you didn't loose anything. And even if you would I sure wouldn't care. He shot a suspicious glare at her "You did at least take the taxi, did you ?"

Meyrin shook her head in a negative manner. "N..no, I didn't want to spend your money on something like that, its not like I cant carry some bags and walk a bit….

Athrun felt like banging his head on the desk again. _Darn. Meyrin, please understand that your happiness matter to me more than all the money in the world…_

* * *

Athrun was nervously walking around his house. 2 days had passed since he went on his little shopping trip to get Meyrin a dress with Luna. Today was Meyrin's birthday. He had arranged so that she had to leave the house a bit. He took the time to get everything ready.

He prepared the presents, and the car from the flower shop arrived with his order. He set everything in place and started waiting for Meyrin to come back. Short after he spotted her coming back the road trough the window.

He had told her that he wouldn't be home, so he could make this a real surprise. He had never been good at organizing things like these. But he rally had tried his best this time. He heard her unlocking the door. He positioned himself to the left from the door so she wouldn't spot him right away when she would open the door.

Meyrin unlocked the door and stepped inside. What she saw made her jaw drop and eyes widen. In front of the door was placed a huge arc made from vines, about 2.5 meters high and 3 meters long, and attached to it were hundreds of red roses and white lilies, filling the room with wonderful aroma.

She was standing there like hypnotized. She had no idea what this is about. She didn't even see Athrun coming up to her. He stood in front of her , obviously pleased with the expression on the girl's face.

"Meyrin" he said. She slowly turned her amazed gaze towards him. Athrun smiled at her with a gentle smile and held forward a red, heart shaped pillow with a golden heart shaped necklace on it and gave her a peck on the cheek. "Happy birthday, Meyrin"

Meyrin stood there for a moment feeling that water was gathering at her eyes. Then she suddenly jumped towards Athrun , hugging him tightly, tears falling from her eyes. Normally Athrun would have probably lost his balance, but since Luna had warned him he was ready for something like this.

He returned the embrace, still holding the pillow with the necklace in his hands.

"Athrun… i…" Her voice was trembling as she tried to say something, but it looked like her mouth wouldn't give in so easily. So she just stood there for about half a minute in Athrun's embrace, crying tears of joy and happiness.

When she finally calmed down she let go of Athrun. She looked like she had been born anew. Athrun could literally see happiness radiating from her. "At…Athrun… I …" she wiped away her tears "Thank you, Athrun… I … I even had forgotten myself… i… I really didn't expect you to know… "

She eyed the flower arc that was above them. "I… I didn't even dream you would do something like this for me… i… " Athrun just smiled a warm smile at her. He was immensely pleased that she liked this. Athrun shook his head. "It's the least I could for you."

Meyrin couldn't believe it all. No one but her sister had given her anything for her birthday after their family and relatives died at Junius 7 incident. She was almost starting to forget when her birthday was.

Only Shinn had given her a present for the last two years beside her sister. Shinn always remembered her birthday, since its was one week before his own. And Shinn didn't receive any presents either from anyone except from Meyrin and Luna. But she was too happy now to be thinking such thoughts.

Athrun handed her the pillow and locket. "I hope you like it". She took the necklace in her hands and looked at it.

"its beautiful" she whispered. Athrun took the necklace from her hands and placed it around her neck. "It looks twice as beautiful on you". She blushed and hugged the pillow close to her. "Thank you , Athrun. I… this is the best birthday I have had during the last few years, i…"

"Had ?" Athrun raised an eyebrow with smile on his face. "Don't say it like its over already. She looked at him with surprised look on her face, and the blue haired boy smiled at her, took her hand and led her further in to house.

She felt like her eyes would pop out of her head. There, on a standard hang a beautiful black dress. Athrun held a hand in the direction of the dress. "For you, Meyrin, I hope you like it " The fact that she was speechless was a good sign that she did like it.

"Meyrin, would you like to go to the theme park that recently opened ?"

Meyrin just stood there still struggling to believe that this was a reality, not some kind of a dream that would disappear. Athrun's voice convinced her that this was no dream. "Of… off course !" she quickly responded.

She looked over to the dress "Do you… do you mind if I wear this ?"

It was Athrun's turn to be surprised. "Meyrin, why would I mind ? I was hoping you would wear it" that made him remember something. "Oh, by the way" he pointed to the small box near the dress. "that is also for you. I thought you might want to have some shoes to match the dress, so.."

Meyrin was speechless once again. She took the box and the dress, tears of joy forming in her eyes, went over to Athrun and gave him a kiss on his cheek and said "Thank you… ill be ready soon" and hurried to her room leaving the slightly blushing Athrun behind.

About 10 minutes later she came down dressed in her new dress. Athrun couldn't help but stare at her and admire her beauty. Although he tried not to stare too bluntly not to make her feel uncomfortable.

While she was changing he had driven his car to the front of his house. He held the door open while she got in, then he closed the door, took a seat in the drivers seat and drove towards the theme park.

* * *

They spent a lot of time there, they went on a few rides, and spent a lot of time simply walking around, talking, and laughing. She was finally walking beside him, not behind, holding his hand.

After few hours of activities Meyrin said she is a bit tired, and Athrun suggested they move to park so they can find a bench to sit on and rest. She agreed and they proceeded to the park, still laughing and holding hands.

Half way there he noticed a pink-haired girl and a brown-haired boy approaching them. Athrun's eyes widened. "Lacus! Kira !" Athrun still hadn't been able to meet their friends since their arrival here.

Lacus seemed happy as usual, Kira seemed grumpy about something, but Athrun didn't pay it much attention, since he was in too good mood. Lacus nodded her head "nice to see you, Athrun, Meyrin-chan"

Meyrin bowed and returned the greeting. Athrun turned to Kira and extended his hand "Long time no seen, old friend". Kira seemed to ignore the hand, but instead shot an angry glare towards Meyrin, then Athrun.

"Kira ?" Lacus turned her head while grabbing Kira's arm. She was troubled by something.

Kira still was angrily looking at Athrun. "Why is she here ?" he quickly asked, with anger in his voice. "And why are you with her ?" Smile had disappeared from Athrun's face. He had no idea what his friend was up to, but he didn't like it one bit.

Kira freed himself from Lacus arm and took a step closer. "I asked you something, Athrun."

"I'm having a walk with her, got a problem with that ?" He was starting to get angry himself. Lacus and Meyrin both had frightened expressions on their faces.

"You are engaged to my sister, are you not ? Why are you walking around hand in hand chatting and laughing with a girl like her ?" He begun to rise his voice.

Athrun was in no mood to listen to something like this. "So ? I can walk with whom I want as far as I can remember… and what do you mean by a 'girl like her' ?"

"Oh, you mean to tell me you don't know anything about her ? Why does she go out with you ? I checked on her a bit. She has no family and relatives, no home, no nothing. Isn't it obvious all she wants from you is your money ?"

Lacus couldn't believe what she was hearing, she only knew that she couldn't take any more of it. She shot a quick glare at Athrun and it looked like he couldn't take much more either. She had no idea what had gotten in to Kira but she had to stop him. Poor Meyrin looked Like she was about to break down and cry.

"Kira" she started and touched Kira's hand.

"WHAT ?" He barked at her, making her startle and back away few steps. Her eyes were watering up. Kira turned his head back – towards Athrun. "If you are engaged with Cagali then why are you walking around with this slut ?" Now he was yelling.

Meyrin broke down on the ground, covering her head with hands, tears flowing down her eyes.

Kira turned his enraged gaze at her "Why the hell are you with her ? Isn't it obvious all she wants is to get in your pants and get her hands on your…"

He fell silent as something hit his face with great force, sending him flying a few feet backwards and making him fall to the ground, causing a light concussion.

Lacus gasped and looked over to Athrun – he stood there clinching his hands in to fists, anger radiating from him. His eyes were filled with disgust and fire. Lacus had never seen Athrun so angry, she could almost see the flames of anger engulfing him.

Kira's nose was bleeding, as well as the corner of his lip. But it looked like the punch to his face had made him snap out of it. And he felt truly terrible about what he had just said, seeing the crying Meyrin on the ground.

"A…Athrun, i…"

"One more word, Yamato" Athrun almost growled, grinding his teeth. "One more word out of you, and I swear, you wont be able to walk away from here on your own." He was shaking from anger.

Kira decided that its better to just lie there and say nothing, because Athrun really looked like he was going to beat him in to the ground the moment he would open his mouth. So he just lied there with his nose bleeding, blood dripping down on his shirt.

Athrun stood there, trying to suppress the urge to go over to Kira and hit him again. Then he noticed the crying Meyrin. He quickly hurried over to her, trying to comfort her. Meyrin was in a state of shock from what had just happened, so she couldn't make herself stop crying, let alone stand up.

Since his car was nearby, he picked Meyrin up, placing his arms below her legs and back, and started to carry her away from here, after giving Kira one final glare which clearly stated : this isn't over for you, and hurried away with sobbing Meyrin in his hands.

After Athrun had left Kira slowly sat up and got out his handkerchief to wipe away the blood from his face. He knew that Athrun was strong, but he never really knew how strong. Well he had just found out, but that, or the zumming in his head that was left there by the punch was his last worries.

He couldn't understand what had gotten over him that caused him to say all those pretty horrible things. He didn't blame Athrun one bit for hitting him, he blamed himself. He slowly stood up, still feeling a bit dizzy. Athrun sure packed a punch.

Once he got to his feet, he slowly turned around to face Lacus. She looked pretty similar to how Athrun had looked few moments back. He bowed his head. "Lacus, i'm sorry…I … I don't know what came over me, i…"

He was stopped with a slap across his face. Lacus stood there, shaking like Athrun had before. In all her life he had never hit anyone, this was the first time, and she felt it was well deserved. "It's not me who you should apologize to, Kira. But I doubt that you will get anywhere near Meyrin to do so without getting in to a hospital in the process."

She was angry. Angrier than she has ever been. "And you know what ? I wouldn't blame Athrun if you would be put in a hospital. I never thought I will hear such things from you, Kira. I don't know what has gotten in to you, but I don't like it one bit."

She turned around and left, leaving ashamed and beaten up Kira behind.

* * *

Athrun was driving his car quickly towards his house. Meyrin was sitting in the passenger seat, still crying. Athrun was trying to cool down. He had no idea what the hell had gotten in to Kira, but he was not going to stand it.

If he wouldn't have had to take care of Meyrin, he probably would have beaten Kira up in to unconsciousness. He stopped by his house, went to unlock the door, then took Meyrin out of the car and carried her in to her room and gently placed her on the bed.

She was still crying, oblivious to her surroundings. Watching her tear stained face made his heart break. He gently placed his hand on her cheek and said "Meyrin, it is going to be alright, ok ?". She didn't say anything, she didn't even react, just continued to cry quietly.

Athrun clenched his hand in a fist. _Damn you, Kira…_

A/N:

Phew, chapter 3 done. Pretty weird, eh :) before you start bashing me about Kira acting 100 ooc I can tell you that there is a reason why he acts that way. What ? you will have to wait for more chapters to find out :) Hope you can still bear with me :D will update in about 1-2 days. R&R please.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N :

Thanks for the nice reviews, made me feel all warm inside . Here is chapter 4, hope you enjoy it.

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

Kira just stood there watching Lacus walk away. He couldn't remember ever seeing her so angry. Then again, he had never seen Athrun so angry either. _Athrun… Lacus… _Feelings of guilt filled his heart. _Oh god… what have I done… i… did I really say all that ?_

_Of course you did, idiot. Why do you think they both hit you in the first place ?_ Kira stood there, drifting in his thoughts and feelings of immeasurable guilt, without even noticing that his nose is bleeding again. _How…how could I have said those things ?..._

_Of course she isn't like that… I … I have never said so terrible things to anyone…i…I didn't even mean it … why did I say it ?_ Now that his mind was starting to work clearly again, feelings of guilt engulfed him even tighter. He felt his face hurting from Athrun's punch. He felt like he deserved every bit of that pain and more.

Noticing that his nose was bleeding and blood was dripping on his shirt, leaving red marks, he quickly tried to dry his nose. It felt like it wasn't far from being broken. Athrun sure had hit him hard. He never would have thought that Athrun was this strong. He must have been pretty mad…

_Pretty mad ? Come on, he was furious, I wonder why he didn't kill me on the spot… must have been because he had hurried to help Meyrin…_ Meyrin… first thought of his was to go and apologize to her straight away. He stopped before he had actually started to move.

Meyrin was probably at Athrun's house by now… And showing up there at this time would probably get him in hospital. It was probably better to avoid Athrun at all costs at this time. Kira lowered his head. Poor Meyrin… he remembered how she broke down on her knees and started to cry… his hands clinched in fists.

He wanted to hit himself… Maybe he should go see Athrun – Athrun would be sure to hit him again, and since Kira felt like he deserved every bit of it, and it would probably make Athrun feel better, it would be like killing two birds with one shot. _How could I say all those things ?What had gotten in to me ?... poor Meyrin… i…I insulted her so badly… and I even yelled at Lacus…_

Lacus… he raised his hand and placed it on his red cheek – the one she had slapped before. For some reason he felt like that slap hurt him more than Athrun's punch. _Lacus… I have been so terrible to her again…_ He started walking forward. _First ill find Lacus and apologize…I hope she will forgive me… although I don't deserve it…_

He figured that Lacus must have gone back to Cagali's house, so he started to move. He walked slowly, his head bowed down, still trying to figure what happened earlier… what caused him to say what he did… and what is he going to tell Lacus.

* * *

Lacus entered her room, 'slamming' the door behind her. Not that she really slammed it, but she sure didn't close it as gently as she usually did things. She lied back on her bed and blankly stared at ceiling. She felt angry…sad… confused… uncomfortable. 

She placed her right hand on her chest and muttered "Kira… what is going on with you… how could you…" Tears started to form in her eyes, but she quickly wiped them away. She felt confused, unsure what to do… and she didn't like it, she was the one who usually had answers for anything, but she had no idea what to do now, and what was happening to Kira.

Kira arrived at Cagali's mansion and entered. He was met with a surprised gaze from one of the servants. He watched the brown haired young man with his shirt covered with red stains all over it and his nose slightly bleeding. "M… master Kira, are you alright ? "

Kira nodded. He was far from being alright, but he wasn't going to tell that to some servant. "I'm fine. Has Lacus arrived ?"

"Yes, I believe miss Lacus has gone up to her room "

"Thank you". With that he left the confused servant and headed upstairs. Before entering Lacus room he stopped and looked down at himself. _Maybe I should go fix myself up first… _He really didn't look ok with his blood stained shirt and bleeding nose.

He got to his room, took off his shirt, then turned the water on. After washing his face with cold water he felt that pain and concussion from the punch are fading. In place of those came even bigger feeling of guilt.

He really wanted to apologize to Meyrin… although he had no idea what to say… and he doubted that it would make her feel better… or that she would even want to see him. And Athrun probably wouldn't let him within 10 meters of Meyrin anyway. _What should I do to make it up to her… to all of them ?_

_He wanted to make up to them… Meyrin…Lacus …Athrun…Fllay… the people he killed during the war…_ He shook his head in surprise. Why was he thinking about Fllay and the victims of war now ? He tried to put those memories away. Instead he saw another one.

_Athrun's face. Full of anger and rage, facing him. His eyes wide open, his eye pupils small, radiating with barely visible green light. "You… you killed Nicole. You Killed Nicole. Ill …Ill Kill you!"_ Kira felt like he was getting sick. He remembered that. How could he ever forget ?

The day he and Athrun fought for life and death. The day he thought he died, but survived by a miracle. The day Athrun killed Tolle. Another memory flashed trough Kira's mind.

_He was battling Athrun's Gundam – Aegis, in his Strike, when he saw Tolle's fighter jet approaching. Its shot a missile at Athrun's Gundam. "No ! Tolle ! Don't come !" Athrun easily evaded the missile and tossed his shield towards the small jet fighter with deadly accuracy. "_

_He could hear Tolle gasp in the communicator, as he saw the shield quickly flying towards him, but he couldn't do anything about it. It was too late. He could only watch as the shield crashed in to his friends jet cockpit and tearing off Tolle's head, then making the jet explode. "TOLLE !"_

Kira kneed down near the sink and placed his hands on his head. _Stop it…go away…why am I remembering all this ?_ Another memory flashed trough his head _No ! not that…_

"_Kira" The red haired girl smiled with tears in her eyes trough a window of her shuttle towards Kira's Gundam Freedom, that had just protected her shuttle from being shot down by Rau. Smile found its way on Kira's face, as well as happiness filled his heart. "Fllay…"_

_A beam shot out of a detached DRAGOON unit and shot right trough the shuttle, making it explode. Kira could see the flames engulfing her body… "FLLAY !"_

Kira was now breathing heavily , his hands strongly gripping his head. "Stop" he quietly mumbled. "Stop it… STOP IT !" He felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked back and saw Lacus kneeling near him, looking at him with her blue eyes, filled with concern.

"What do you want ? Leave…lave me alone !"

Lacus was shocked. He knew something was happening to Kira, and she wanted to help him. But hearing something like that from Kira wasn't what she had used to her. She could feel tears gathering in her eyes. But she didn't go away.

Instead she grabbed Kira by his shoulders and shook him.

"Kira. What's happening to you, Kira ?... This is not like you…Kira…." She was crying now. These actions seemed to pull Kira back to reality. As he realized what he has done he felt tears gathering in his eyes as well.

"Lacus !" He suddenly pulled her in a tight hug. "Lacus, i'm so sorry… i… i… please don't leave me, Lacus". He started to cry, while hugging her even more tightly. Lacus was surprised by this, but at least it was an improvement. If you can call a crying Kira clinging on to her as if she was going to disappear much of an improvement. But still, it was an improvement.

"Kira…." She backed away a bit, and looked in his watery eyes. He looked frightened, lost… "What is happening, Kira ? Something is happening to you… why are you not telling me ?"

"Lacus…i…i don't know…i…" Kira was shaking. Lacus could feel that, it made her feel frightened about him.

"Kira…please, try to calm down" She pulled him closer and wrapped her arms around him. "Please, Kira". She had stopped crying and was regaining her usual calmness. It looked like her embrace worked on Kira in a relaxing way. He stopped shaking, and his breathing calmed down.

Although his heart was still racing, she could feel that by hugging him. But at least he calmed down. She loosened her embrace a bit and looked in his purple eyes. "Kira, why don't you get dressed and after that you will tell me everything that's happening to you, ok ?"

Kira nodded and got up from the bathroom floor, holding out a hand for Lacus to help her stand up. Lacus smiled at him briefly. "Thank you". After helping her up Kira found a clean shirt and put it on, after that he went in the bedroom and sat on the bed, with his head bowed down.

He felt the bead lean in a little when Lacus sat beside him. Kira lifted his eyes and looked at Lacus. Lacus sat there patiently waiting for him to talk. Kira let out a deep sigh.

"Lacus… i'm so sorry about the things I said to you…I really didn't man it… I … i'm sorry for the way I acted in the park … i… " His voice started to tremble as he mentioned the park. That made him remember Meyrin, on her knees on the ground, crying, covering her head with hands.

Just remembering that made him feel like the worst person in existence. _How could I have done something like that ?... i…i'm a real jerk…_ For a moment he had a thought that he would have preferred if Athrun would have shot him there. Lacus voice made him abandon his current thoughts.

"Kira, don't say that… its not me who you should be apologizing to about the park, its Meyrin." Meyrin. Hearing her name made him remember her again, in that state which he had caused. It almost made his heart stop.

"I know…I know…but I don't think she would want to see me" He sadly smiled at Lacus. " I could go… but then you better don't expect me coming back"

Lacus blinked at what he had just said. "What are you saying, Kira ? Why?".

Kira's smile disappeared. "She is staying at Athrun's home, right ? I probably won't make it past the doorstep alive". Lacus couldn't help but let a small giggle escape. If he was able to make a joke it meant he has recovered a bit. Although he didn't mean that as a joke.

Lacus put on a serious face, and looked deeply at Kira. "Kira…tell me…what's happening to you … its not like you to be like this…what's going on? You were very rude to Meyrin … You yelled at me… the other day you attacked the boy who accidentally bumped in to me at the mall… you yelled at Cagali… it has been like this for last few months."

Lacus looked at Kira, with sad expression in her face. Kira was staring at floor again. "What's going on, Kira ? you just seem to become violent at times…its not like you…and it happens more often these days ".

Kira gasped. "I..i don't know… i'm having memories…" Lacus leaned closer to him.

"About war ?"

Kira nodded. "I see all those faces from war… the people I killed… the people I couldn't protect… there were so many I couldn't protect…. I couldn't protect her… " He shook his head, his eyes watering up again. Lacus was carefully listening, sad expression on her beautiful face.

"Its like i'm going trough it all over again… all this anger… all the pain… and I cant even control myself when these emotions get to me… i… I start acting the way you saw… and I cant seem to stop easily… i…"

Again, he shook his head and turned to Lacus, who looked over worried about him. "Lacus…you…do you think i'm going crazy?"

Lacus couldn't take it anymore. He quickly leaned on to Kira, hugging him in a tight embrace. Kira blushed slightly. "La… Lacus ?" Lacus simply shook her head, tears falling from her eyes.

"Don't talk like that, Kira. We… you have been trough this before… you have dealt with those memories before… you will do it again. I know it…"

Kira placed his arms around her, pulling her closer to him. "I…I don't know, Lacus. Its not like before. I never lost my head during the last time when I had these memories. I thought I had finally gotten over it… but now… all those memories are coming back again".

He wiped his eyes, but id dint help, since new tears formed quickly. "I never lost control of myself before… i…. i'm scared, Lacus… i'm not sure what's happening to me."

Lacus couldn't stop the stream of tears that was falling down her cheeks. "Kira… please…don't…. we got over it once… we will do it again…. Ok ? Please, Kira…"

Kira nodded his head and took in a deep breath, trying to calm down. He let go of Lacus and looked away. "You… you shouldn't be with me… I …I could end up hurting you again… I don't want that….i.."

"Kira… please…I want to help you… please, don't push me away… please"

Kira turned his gaze to the floor. "But what if I get out of control again ? I don't want to hurt you… or anyone else… I always end up hurting people… in the war… even now… people that don't deserve it… maybe I really should go and try to break in Athrun's house … it might end the best way for all of you… "

"Kira !" her voice was trembling " Don't ever say such things…ever…understand ? You will be fine… so please…"

Kira looked at her face. It was full of fear, sadness, and kindness towards him. _Why does she want to stay with me ?_ Kira simply nodded his head. "Thank you, Lacus".

* * *

Cagali pushed the bell button for the second time. _Come on, come on, what's taking you so long ?_ She was about to rang for the third time, when she heard the door being unlocked. It opened revealing a yawning Athrun. 

"Oh…hi, Cagali Yawn. What time is it ?"

Cagali pouted. "What kind of greeting is that ?" Then she noticed that Athrun's eyes are red and puffy. "You ok, Athrun ? you look like you haven't slept at all."

Athrun stretched and yawned again. "Actually, I haven't." He sleepily said, while gesturing to Cagali to come in. After closing the door behind her he walked over to the sofa in guestroom and heavily leaned on to it. Cagali sat beside him.

"Athrun, you look like you had a rough night. What happened, why didn't you sleep ?"

Athrun closed his eyes to let them rest a bit. "I was sitting up all night, watching over Meyrin, in case she would need anything. She cried herself to sleep. I think she cried about 5 hours straight. I didn't even think that is possible…"

"Why, what happened ? I thought yesterday was her birthday, she should have been happy." Cagali's eyes narrowed. "You didn't do anything, did you ?"

Athrun sighed. "Right. Sorry, I forgot I didn't tell you… Remembering yesterday's birthday made him remember the scene that took place at park. He could feel his anger for Kira rising again, remembering the state Meyrin was in yesterday."

Cagali noticed that Athrun seemed angry. Actually, he seemed very angry. She had never seen him like this. "A… Athrun ?... what happened yesterday… please tell me "

Athrun only nodded and slowly started to retell her the events of yesterdays 'party'.

After he was done Cagali's eyes looked like they were about pop out of her head. "He said WHAT ?" She simply couldn't believe what she heard.

Athrun sighed. "That's why I stayed awake by her side last night… I didn't want to leave her alone like that "

Cagali felt no less angry than Athrun himself at Kira. "Athrun, I came to talk about tomorrow, but ill make it short, seems like you need to rest. Athrun looked at her. Tomorrow was the day they were having that ball at Cagali's mansion during which they were going announce about their engagement.

Cagali told a few details and other minor stuff. "Just be there at 7.pm, ok ?" She leaned forward and gave Athrun a slight kiss. "Don't you dare to forget"

He smiled a weak smile "I won't"

"Good" She looked at Athrun with serious look on her face. "You didn't beat up Kira too badly, did you ?" Athrun looked surprised.

"Honestly ? I punched him as hard as I could. And i'm not going to say i'm sorry, because i'm not"

Cagali grinned "You shouldn't be, I was just asking to make sure there is anything left for me. He's going to get it when I get home. Which will be soon."

She stood up and left the surprised Athrun sitting on the sofa. "Get some rest, Athrun. Leave Kira to me. See you tomorrow, bye, love you."

With that she left the house, and rushed to her car. The reason she left was because she wanted to get home as fast as possible. And beat up her brother.

* * *

Athrun sighed and got up. He decided to go check up on Meyrin. He quietly opened her room door and went inside. She was still sleeping. He put a hand on her cheek and looked at her tear stained face. Anger once again rose up in him. _This isn't over, Kira._

He went downstairs and decided to prepare breakfast. He didn't think she would be hungry, but he wanted to have something ready in case she would be.

He baked some pancakes, while trying to stay awake. Being only half-awake caused him to burn half of the pancakes and get himself slightly burned in the process. He muttered a few curses, but didn't let the burned finger bother him too much – after all he had been trough this wasn't something to keep him bothered.

He threw out all the burned pancakes. Only half were left. Oh well, he had easily do without breakfast as long as Meyrin had one. He placed the pancakes on a plate, poured them with strawberry jam and headed upstairs.

He quietly opened the door and went over to her. He saw her shuffle a bit. "A… Athrun ?"

_Good…at least she is talking. _Athrun moved to the bed and sat beside her. Meyrin sat up and looked around with sadness in her salty-blue eyes. They were read from crying. Athrun slowly spoke up.

"Meyrin… are you ok ?" She didn't answer. _Of course she is not ok. Does she look like she's ok ?_ "Meyrin, I made you some pancakes, in case your hungry…i…" He couldn't finish as Meyrin leaned against his chest and started to cry again.

Athrun was at loss what to do. "Meyrin… " Not knowing what to say he simply put his arm around her, hugging her. Seemed like it calmed her down a bit.

"Athrun…" she quietly whispered while gripping his shirt in her small hands, her head buried in his chest. "Athrun…what Kira-kun said…" Kira…that word made Athrun feel like he would have just eaten something poisonous.

"What he said… is that how he really thinks of me… is that how people think… of me… being here ?" Her voice was trembling, tears staining Athrun's shirt. Athrun could have sworn, that if Kira would enter the room right now, he would kill him on the spot.

Meyrin gasped before continuing. "If that is true… then… then its better for me to leave… i… I don't want to… cause you any problems… Athrun. She let go of Athrun's shirt and tried to stand up, but Athrun suddenly grabbed her hand and pulled her back, Hugging her this time.

She was surprised, but didn't do anything. It felt good to be in his arms… somehow it seemed to calm her mind.

"Stop it, Meyrin… don't … don't say such things. Don't think such things. No one thinks of you like that… and even if they did, I wouldn't care… I don't think like that. I would never ask you to leave. You can stay here as long as you like. So please… don't say such things."

"Athrun…I …I … " her crying , which had almost stopped resumed again. She just sat there in Athrun's arms and cried. Athrun didn't mind at all. As long as she wasn't talking about things like leaving all was fine.

He just sat there holding the crying red haired girl in his arms. Meyrin continued to cry until she finally fell asleep again. Athrun gently placed her slim body on bed and covered her with a blanket, after that he vacated the room, quietly shutting the door behind him.

He decided to get a little rest himself, so he went to his room and got in to bed. As he was falling asleep he was thinking of things he could do to make her feel better … and all kind of things he could do to Kira to make him feel worse.

* * *

Kira looked at Lacus, who hadn't left his side for all day. He wouldn't know how he would feel if Lacus wouldn't forgive him. She always forgave him. She was always so patient with him, although he doubted he deserved any of it. 

"Lacus… i'm sorry… I know that having bad memories is not a reason to start yelling at people for no reason, but i…i… sorry." He bowed down his head, staring at floor. He felt Lacus place her hand on his cheek and looked up. Lacus was looking at him with her blue eyes, a small smile on her face.

"Kira, its not me who you should apologize to, I already said that. So don't. " She leaned against him, placing her head on his chest, listening to his heartbeats. They seemed calm, looks like Kira had calmed down finally.

She looked up at him, and saw him look back at her with his purple eyes. They were so kind. She could hardly believe that owner of these eyes said those terrible things yesterday. "Kira…"

She slowly moved her head closer to his, still holding her hand on his cheek. She could feel heat rising in his cheeks. "Lacus, i…"

Lacus quickly silenced him by shaking her head, bringing her lips closer to his. She could feel his breath on her lips as she slowly was moving her lips towards his…

"KIRA !" a loud yell from downstairs made her stop, startling her.

"Sounds like Cagali is home…" Kira said while moving towards the door "And sounds like she is mad about something" Kira opened his room door and saw Cagali standing right outside his room.

"Hi, Cagali, how was your daUFHHH" he gasped and dropped on one knee, because Cagali had just punched him in the stomach. Lacus let out a small squeal and hurried over to Kira's side. Cagali looked really angry, justified by her actions.

"Kira, you idiot !" Cagali yelled while holding her fist in front of her brothers face. Kira just remained kneeling there, figuring its safer not to do anything. At least until he figures out what's with his sister. The answer came soon enough.

"You better have a good explanation about what you did, or else I swear – there is more where that came from"

It was clear to him that she was talking about his incident with Meyrin. _She must have spoken with Athrun… I … I had this one coming. _

Cagali took a step back and looked at her twin brother. "I went to Athrun's place this morning. He told me what happened at park, Kira. I'm disgusted with you."

Kira bowed his head. He also was disgusted with himself, more than Cagali could have ever been.

"Athrun hadn't slept all night. He stayed up by Meyrin's side all night. He told me she had cried half the night before finally falling asleep.

Kira felt like the most pathetic being on the planet. "Cagali, i.."

Cagali didn't listen to him. "That girl hadn't had a birthday celebration since her family died on Junius 7. Athrun went out of his way to make her feel happy that day. But you

… You have to turn that in the worst day of her life. Why , Kira , why !" Cagali yelled, her hands still in fists.

Her words struck Kira like a bullet trough his heart. He felt his eyes was were watering. "It..was..her..birthday ?" was all he could say, his voice trembling, still kneeling on one knee.

"Yes, you idiot ! Why else do you think Athrun would be taking her to a theme-park ? And you just had to…. "

Kira was shocked to the very core of his being. Like saying all those things wasn't bad enough…now he finds out… that it was her birthday… first she had in the past few years … and because of him, she had spent that day crying…

Tears started to fall down his face "I…I didn't know…i…i'm so sorry…i…"

Cagali wanted to punch that sobbing brat in front of her, but was stopped by a voice.

"Um… Cagali-sama ?" She looked at Lacus, whom she had totally forgotten about. "Could we talk a bit…please ? alone ?"

Cagali shot an evil glare at her crying brother, then slowly nodded to Lacus. The proceeded to Lacus room, leaving the sobbing Kira behind.

"So" Cagali positioned herself against the wall near the door "what was it you wanted to talk about ?" She was obviously still very angry.

"Um … its about Kira…"

After hearing Lacus story about Kira's memories, Cagali fell silent for a while and thought about what she just learned.

"This is not new… he had always struggled with his memories." Lacus nodded

"yes, but this time its different… its completely un-Kira like to act the way he does recently at times. "

"True" Cagali nodded "But being in a bad mood is no reason to say such things and act like and idiot."

Lacus sighed "I'm worried, Cagali… about him… what if something bad happens to him…"

Cagali laughed a little "From the way things go it looks like its others who have bad things happening to them. Nothing bad will happen to him… unless he meets Athrun"

She smiled at her joke, realizing that it was no joke – if Kira would meet Athrun now, a 'bad thing happening ' to Kira would probably be an understatement.

"Its not his physical condition that worries me… i…"

Cagali looked at Lacus and grinned "You love him a lot, don't you ?"

Lacus bowed her head "I'm worried about that too… I don't even know if he loves me"

Cagali sighed and stood away from the wall she had been leaning against. "Look, Lacus. I don't have that much time to talk now. I have to make preparations for tomorrows ball" she smiled at that thought. _Tomorrow…_ "I wont be home tomorrow during the day, so I better have everything prepared by now. Thanks for telling about my little bro. I promise I wont hit him … for now".

With that she left the room, leaving Lacus alone, dwelling in her thoughts.

* * *

Athrun looked at the clock – it was late already. _I should get some sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a long day._ He had stopped worrying about Meyrin a little – after she slept for a few hours, she seemed to have calmed down. She even ate a little and even wanted to start cleaning. Which he didn't allow her to do of course. 

He turned out the lights in his bedroom and got in to bed. He heard a knock on the door. "Yes, Meyrin ? come in" Meyrin slowly opened the door and stepped inside the room. She looked a bit better than she did in the morning. She went over to Athrun's side and sat on the bed.

"Athrun…i… can I stay here tonight ?" The question caught Athrun by surprise. Before he could say anything, she continued. "Please… Athrun…i'm not asking for anything…just… let me stay by your side tonight…i…I don't want to feel alone… please"

After a brief moment of silence Athrun regained his speaking capabilities. "Um… sure… if …if you want to "

"Meyrin laid down on his bead beside him and whispered "thank you, before closing her eyes and falling asleep". _Thank you for letting me be by your side… though this is probably the last time I see you… Athrun…"_

Athrun slowly opened his eyes. It was morning already. He turned his head to the left. Meyrin wasn't there. _She must have gone to get breakfast or something_ Athrun thought, while getting up. He got dressed and went down to the kitchen. "Meyrin ?" There was no answer.

He noticed a small letter on the table. He picked it up and opened it. There were some lines written by Meyrin.

_Athrun, thank you…for everything. I have only brought trouble to you, yet you always have been so kind to me, though I never deserved it. I never told you this, but …I love you. I love you more than anything, but I understand that you can't love me… I never told you, because I was afraid of your answer… i'm sorry I have been a burden to you… but I can't stay with you… I will only get in the way. That's why i'm leaving… i'm sorry for not telling you in person, but I was afraid to… _

_I'm sorry. Thank you for everything. Thank you for allowing me to stay by your side. I was happy I was able to. _

_Goodbye, Athrun_

Near the letter was a small key with a red band – his spare house key he had given to Meyrin.

Athrun clinched the letter in his hand, feeling emptiness and regrets inside him

_Meyrin…_

* * *

It was 4pm , he still had time before the ball. Yet he already had arrived at Cagali's place. He thought he could help with the preparations. He wanted to do something, because just lying around idly made him think about Meyrin and her letter, which he had placed inside his jacket's pocket. 

He entered the mansion, heading upstairs to the fifth floor – where the ball room was located. He ignored all the greetings from servants, he just continued to walk, blank expression on his face. He bumped in to something, hearing a soft "ouch".

He lifted his eyes to see who it was he had bumped in to. "oh…sorry, Lacus…i…I wasn't looking where i'm going… are you alright ?

The pink haired princess smiled at him "Hello, Athrun. Of course i'm ok, i'm not that fragile" Athrun smiled back at her comment. Actually, she did look that fragile. Just like Meyrin. … the thought of that made Athrun sigh heavily.

Lacus looked at him with observing eyes, and said in a few moments. "Athrun, I want to talk to you."

"Huh ?" Athrun was surprised.

"Could you please come to my room in a few minutes ?"

Athrun nodded, then turned around to go to the bathroom. After that he proceeded to Lacus room. Then he saw him. Kira stopped in his tracks as he saw the blue haired coordinator coming down the hall. Just like Athrun he stopped and observed in surprise.

Finally Kira took a step closer and spoke up "Athrun…I .."

He stopped as Athrun glared at him with a gaze that clearly stated that its better to keep distance.

Seeing Kira was the last thing Athrun wanted now… and somehow he felt that Meyrin wouldn't have left it wouldn't have been for the park incident. Athrun felt anger building inside him again. _Because of him, Meyrin had left… and he had no idea to where._

"Stay away from me Kira." Athrun was grinding his teeth in anger "Stay away from me…"

"Athrun…I just… wanted to say i'm …"

"Sorry ? Oh, your sorry now ?" Athrun ran over to Kira and seized the brunette by his collar "Because of you, Meyrin had her only birthday celebration for the last years ruined. Because of you she spent whole night Crying. Because of your words she left !"

Athrun swung Kira aside against the wall, making him collide against it quite hard. After that he walked away, trying to suppress the urge to smash Kira's head against said wall, and proceeded towards Lacus room.

Kira didn't notice the pain at all. He was too shocked from Athrun's words. _She … left ?She left … because of what I said ?_ he dropped on his knees _But… she has no place to go… she…because of my words ?_ Tears started to fall from Kira's eyes. _Athrun…i'm so sorry..._

* * *

The ball was well under way. Cagali was dancing with Athrun and was apparently having a good time. So was Athrun, despite his hatred for dancing. He tried to avoid Kira at all costs. It helped a good deal that Kira seemed to be doing the same effort. 

Yet for some reason Cagali looked a bit sad… as was Athrun. But this went unnoticed by most, only Lacus saw that.

After another dance Athrun led Cagali of the dance floor to the chairs situated by the walls of the ball room., since she looked a bit tired. Cagali sat down and let out a deep sigh. Athrun smiled at her and looked around the ball room.

He didn't expect for so many people to be here. Apparently all the royal families of ORB were invited, and rumors of their engagement have spread, and often he could hear someone mentioning his name, or looking their way. This made him feel uncomfortable.

He caught a glimpse of Cagali – for some reason she was strangely quiet this evening. She even seemed sad. This worried Athrun.

"Cagali, are you ok ?"

"Mhm …?" Cagali lifted her eyes and looked at Athrun. She was wearing the same green dress that Athrun found so attractive the other day. "Oh… it's nothing, Athrun."

Athrun raised an eyebrow "really ?"

Cagali sighed, then turned her head away "Say, Athrun… I" she was interrupted by a loud noise of breaking glass. Eyes of every person in the hall turned towards the source of the noise. It appeared that one of guests had pushed over one of the trays near the door, which was holding ten glasses of wine.

The unlucky guest tried to get out of sight as fast as possible, red all over his face. Athrun chuckled at that. Speaking of red… his eyes widened when he saw a red haired girl standing near the entrance of the room, just a bit outside.

Athrun blinked his eyes in order to make sure he was not seeing things. _M…Meyrin ?_ She was standing there, wearing the black dress, hugging the red heart shaped pillow to her chest. She looked like she had been crying recently again. Athrun's hand clutched the letter inside his pocket, feeling a whirlpool of emotions awakening in his usually calm heart. _Meyrin…_

* * *

Noticing that Athrun was looking this way Meyrin quickly retreated from the door. After few seconds of hesitation she turned around and ran away from the door. She ran trough the empty hallway, without looking where she was going, almost knocking over some man along the way. She didn't stop to apologize, she just kept running. 

Kira almost fell over when some red haired girl almost bumped in to him as she ran forward the hallway. Kira stopped and blinked. _Red haired girl… could it be…Meyrin ?Why is she here…maybe I should go apologize…maybe_

image of another red haired girl crossed his mind. Kira felt he started to sweat. The images got stronger, clearer… _Please… not now…not now…_ he kneeled down, his hands clutching his hair _No…not now…please…_

Meyrin opened the door that was in front of her and stepped trough it. First thing she felt was water dropping on her. _Water ?_ She looked around. She was on the balcony of Cagali's mansion, and it was raining outside.

Her hair and clothes were starting to get wet, but it didn't matter. She liked to feel the cold water touching her skin for some weird reason. _Why did I come here?_ That was the question that was plaguing her mind ever since she crossed the doorstep of Attha mansion.

Although she knew the answer. She came to see him. Not meet him, simply to look at him, just like she always had. But why ? She knew it would hurt her to see him now. Now that he was gone forever, now that she wont be able to see him anymore.

Why did she some ? Why did she come if she knew that it will hurt ? _Because I love him_ flickered trough her mind. Meyrin shook her head. She was supposed to be over him… she told herself this morning when she left she would not cry over him.

The outcome was she was crying almost all day. She thought she could lock away that part of her heart that longed for Athrun. But she couldn't. Because that would require her to pull out her entire heart.

_Stop it, Meyrin… you promised yourself that you would get on with your life…_ She thought it would be easy…it wasn't. It hurt more than she could handle. _Life… what life… what meaning does my life have now ?_

She moved towards the edge and rested herself against the railing, and sighed heavily. She didn't know what to do with her life without Athrun. It all felt so … empty without him around.

She realized just how content she was by simply living in the same house as him… being able to meet him few times a day… sometimes even talk to him. _But I was merely a burden to him… I …I just got him in to trouble… I was so selfish…_

Tears started to fall down her beautiful face, which was now filled with sorrow. Now Athrun was gone , and all that was left was feeling of void and pain in her heart. A feeling of loneliness , emptiness.

Only thing that has held importance in her life had disappeared. Disappear…. She looked down in the darkness below her. _I wonder how it would feel… to disappear…in to that darkness._ She shook her head, wanting to slap herself.

_Stop it, Meyrin, don't even think about it, don't be so foolish._ But the only other thing she could think about was Athrun. And that again led to the same point. This time…the thought of it didn't seem so foolish.

_Would it hurt… maybe… but it wont hurt more than my heart hurts already. And if that would stop that pain… maybe it would be worth it… Its not like I have anywhere to go…I don't have friends… I don't have anyone that would await me coming home… I have no reason to be here at all._

_To live my life on… for what ? For the purpose of existence ? is there any point ?_Visions of her past crossed her mind… The day when Junius 7 was destroyed…. The days she spent on Minerva … the day she betrayed ZAFT to help Athrun… her sister…

All that was gone now. Her only relative was her sister, with whom she didn't even have a good relationship. _There truly is no reason for me to exist, is there…_All her memories of past flooded her mind… it was painful. She started to feel she is losing consciousness, as she started to lean over the railing…

_Maybe… maybe all this pain will stop…Athrun…goodbye… I still love you…please…forgive me for that… _The image of the blue haired boy was the last thing that crossed her mind before she lost consciousness and started to slip over the railing, in to the darkness below…

* * *

A/N 

Weee, a cliffie, how we all love those . So, Kira's being plagued with ghosts of the past ( what else is new ), but is it that simple ? What was the thing Lacus wanted to talk about with Athrun ? Why was Cagali upset ? And most importantly, what happens to poor Meyrin ?

If you can still bear with my horrible writing and haven't fallen asleep while reading this (which I hope you haven't done ), then await the next chapter :D I think it will be up in 2 days. Please, R&R, I really appreciate the coments.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N:

Thanks to all the reviewers, it really helps to keep on writing to know that there are people that like my work :)

About it being sad – well, that's angst for you :) And the whole Gundam seed/destiny is a pretty dark theme in general. There will be some light at the end of the tunnel, but one must first get trough the tunnel, ne :)

About Athrun being mad at Kira – he's got a good reason, don't you think :)

So, here's chapter 5, hope you will like it.

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

Lacus sat on her bed, waiting for Athrun to arrive, still thinking how is she going to say the things she felt she needed to say to him. The pink haired princess let out a small sigh and tried to prepare herself mentally for things that were about to happen.

She felt uneasy about this – something that rarely happens to her when talking to people. Especially those close to her. This was no pleasant thing, she knew that. But it had to be done. For Athrun's sake. She knew he had loved her back then. Back then when she left him to be with Kira.

She knew that he had only ended up with Cagali because he couldn't be with her. She was the first one to inflict a wound to his heart. Although he never showed it, she knew how much it hurt him. He always hid his emotions, locking it within the depths of his heart.

And she knew that it was only breaking his heart slowly, from within. He was fragile and gentle, despite that he looked serious and almost feeling less at times on the outside. But he wasn't. He cared about everything deeply. And it hurt him. He cared for Lacus at that time, but was too shy to say it in words.

She knew that as well. He had never been good with words. He cared deeply for everyone close to him, but never said it. She was good at reading minds, that's why she could see trough the mask he wore. The mask of a soldier, who had been forced to him in war.

She knew that he didn't say anything to her about Kira because he cared for her happiness – to the point he thought it was better to let her be with Kira if that would bring her happiness. Lacus smirked at that thought. Was she really happy with Kira ?

Yes, she liked to be near him, she liked him a lot. But just like Athrun never showed his emotions, Kira did the same. But the difference was she could see trough Athrun, to see that he has genuine feelings and love for her. Sadly, she couldn't see it in Kira's eyes.

She shook her head, pushing these thoughts aside. This wasn't about her. It was about Athrun. The young soldier whose heart she broke once. The young soldier who had found some peace and love with Cagali again. Who also had broken his heart, by tossing him aside for her country.

But even then, he continued to live on, without showing much of emotions – he still upheld the mask of the soldier. Although his heart was ready to crumble, he would never show it to anyone. But she could see that.

But there was something that could heal his heart. Or rather – a certain someone. Someone he could care about. More than he had cared about her. More than for Cagali. But he was too trapped in his past to fully understand it. He still wanted to glue together fragments of the past.

But it would end up hurting him even more in the end. You can't glue together pieces of your heart by hanging on to your past. You have to move forward if there is a place to move to. And he had one. His heart knew it, but his mind was too busy trying to cling to the past.

The soldier was still trapped in the past, trying to gather pieces of it, that would end up breaking them in to even smaller pieces. The soldier stood in the way of his heart.

And she was the one to start it. Now it was her duty to free him of his past. To help him rip off the mask of the soldier that didn't suit him. The only that way could she help him heal his crumbling heart. Which she began to break. She owned him that much.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts. "Lacus ?"

She took in a deep breath and answered "Yes, Athrun. Come in."

The door opened and the blue haired coordinator entered her room, closing the door behind him. She immediately noticed he was angry about something, and she could guess what it was about. "Athrun, what's wrong?" She asked kindly, already knowing the answer.

Athrun walked over and sighed, then looked up and asked "Can I sit down ? I feel a bit dizzy."

Lacus only smiled at his question. Although being a soldier he was still very delicate and polite. Although she wanted him not to be so formal with her – they were old friends after all. He needed to open up. The soldier needed to go.

"Of course you can, Athrun. You don't need to ask me for permission for that." She moved over, Athrun nodded his head and sat beside her on the bed. She looked at him, he still seemed angry.

"Athrun, what happened ? Did you… did you meet Kira ?" She noticed as he pulled his face in a grimace, hearing the name of his old friend. "Did you…do anything to him?"

Athrun smiled sadly and turned his head to take a look at Lacus face. "Not really… I don't know myself why I didn't… " The smile disappeared. "Lacus, if you want me to apologize to him for hitting him, know that it won't happen. I think I had all the rights to do what I did and he deserved it."

Lacus Simply shook her head and smiled one of her gentle smiles. "I wont ask you , Athrun. You did have all the right to do so, and I never said he didn't deserve it."

Athrun looked surprised at her response. He actually was expecting her to say she wants the two of them to kiss and make up. "Then … what did you want to talk about with me ?"

Lacus took in a deep breath, gathering her thoughts. "You, Athrun ".

Athrun looked even more surprised "Me ? Um…ok. What about me ?"

_Cagali arrived home early. She saw Athrun's car and smiled happily at the thought that he's already here. After finding out from her servant that Athrun had gone to see Lacus she hurried up to Lacus room. She was about to knock when she heard voices from the room._

"_Then … what did you want to talk about with me ?"_

"_You, Athrun "._

"_Me ? Um…ok. What about me ?"_

_She stopped and started to listen, knowing it wasn't polite, but she was dying to know._

Lacus smile turned to a sad one, when she looked at the blue haired boys face. "About your feelings, Athrun. About the feelings you are locking away in yourself."

Athrun was starting to get confused. He always had been when talking to Lacus. She seemed to be reading him as a book. A book whose contents even he didn't know. "… feelings ?"

Lacus nodded . _Might as well get to the point… _"Athrun… why did you agree to marry Cagali ?"

This question left him speechless for a few seconds, with his mouth open. He slowly recovered. "L..Lacus, what kind of a question is that. I..i like her…"

"But do you love her ?"

Athrun opened his mouth to say yes, but for some reason he couldn't. _Love ? of course I love her, didn't I just say so ?Wait…I actually said I liked her… not love… but why ?_

Lacus noticed him stalling and smiled a sad smile. _So it means I was right… _"Athrun, why did you do that ? You want to believe you can save the things that once were there, but now seems to be fading away ?"

Athrun was left speechless again. He opened his mouth to protest, but he fell silent before actually saying anything. Some part of his brain couldn't help but agree that what Lacus is saying is right. Other part dint want to accept it .

"Lacus, i…" he was interrupted by Lacus speaking up again.

"Tell me, Athrun. Did you say yes because of the feelings you have now, or because of the feelings you once had, that still are in your memory. Which one is it, Athrun ?. Please… tell the truth."

Athrun was left surprised. He didn't expect Lacus to act so bluntly. She had acted like this once with him – when he came looking for her when she had been labeled as a traitor in PLANT.

"I…" he sighed "yes, its true that my feelings were stronger then, but does it matter ? They are still here"

"But are they love ? Or the will to restore what was taken by time and circumstances ?"

"I…" he rested his forehead in his hand "I don't know… Lacus, is it wrong… is it wrong to try to save what we had in the past ?"

Lacus smiled at him sadly. He looked confused, like a lost puppy. "It is , Athrun. If the feelings you have now are nothing but shadow of past… it is wrong.. You have changed, Athrun."

"C… changed ?" Lacus nodded.

"Earlier you wouldn't have answered anything to my questions, you would have just sat there. You have become more open, Athrun. That's good. It makes me happy."

Athrun felt she had some truth behind her words, but couldn't understand where she was getting to. "Lacus…what are you saying ?"

Lacus was still looking at him wit her blue eyes, that seemed to be deeper than ocean, hiding infinite mysteries and knowledge, under her innocent surface and attitude.

"Can you feel for her the same way you did back then ? You said that time when you met her on the mountains near the sea, after the battle where she had appeared to stop ORB from fighting…you said that there are things even you can understand, but can't accept. You still can't accept, can you ?"

Athrun felt his eyes watering. He couldn't help but feel she is right. He still couldn't accept. He tried to… but he couldn't… that he will always come second in her heart… "But… i… "

Lacus placed a finger on his lips, making Athrun fall silent. "You tried to let it go, I know… but you cant, can you ? You understand… that you never will be the main part of her life. That you will always be second in her heart. That she will leave you to be with her country."

"I know I sound harsh, but I want … I want you to realize this , Athrun. By making this decision, guided by the hopes of the past, hopes that you yourself know are in vain… you will only suffer more. And you will make everyone else suffer as well. Including Cagali."

Athrun felt like he won't be able to hold back his tears for much longer. Everything Lacus said… it was true… he just didn't want to see it for himself… as always… "Lacus, I just…I just wanted to be happy for once… I …I just wanted to…"

"I understand" Lacus sadly continued with soft voice "I understand, Athrun. Everyone wants to be happy, but clinging on to your past won't bring any good in the end. You have to learn to let go "

Tears started to fall down the former soldiers face, as he listened to her words. They hurt. A lot. Because they were true. "Lacus…i…I don't want to be alone… my past is all I had…i.."

"You are wrong, Athrun" Athrun lifted his head in surprise

"Wrong..?"

"You have to move forward… you have someplace to move on to… someone that you can move on to… Cagali could never choose you over her country. She has too much of a responsibility. I know you understand that, but it still hurts you. It hurts you too much. I can see it , Athrun."

"But you can move forward. There is someone waiting for you, Athrun. Someone who gave up on everything she had to be with you. Someone who cares more for you than everything she had. Someone who gave up everything to stay beside you."

Athrun widened his eyes. "You mean…Meyrin ?". Lacus nodded her head. Her eyes were also watering. It was hard for her to say all this. It was hard to talk like that about Cagali. But it had to be said, so that Athrun can finally let go of his past.

_Meyrin… _his hand automatically clinched the letter in his pocket. _I have been a fool…i… I guess I always liked her… but… the way she walked behind me… I … I always thought she never wanted to have anything to do with me… I thought she only was keeping the promise she gave to Cagali…_

… _How could I have been so blind? I lived with her for 5 months… but I barely spoke with her… how could I have made her suffer so much… how could I be so blind… did I really try to hold on to my past that strongly ?..._

Tears were starting to fall down his cheeks, he started to sob quietly. "Lacus…i… I'm so miserable. I have made Cagali suffer…I have made Meyrin suffer… I …i…."

Lacus placed her gentle hand on Athrun's shoulder and shook her head. "Athrun… don't say that… everything will be all right … But tell me one thing…do you…do you have feelings for Meyrin ? Please, tell me, Athrun"

Feelings…yes, now that he was trying to open his heart… to let go of his past… he understood he had some feelings for her… but nothing certain… "I… I guess i… do love her a bit…but"

Lacus didn't hear the rest part of his sentence. She was smiling to herself. She had made Athrun to think of his deeper feelings… she had succeeded in making a crack in the mask of soldier he wore. _He said he loves her a little… that means he cares for her more than for Cagali"_

Lacus had a smile on her face. A happy one. Athrun noticed that and looked at the pink haired princess with a confusion. "Lacus…? Why are you smiling ?"

She looked at him, still having the smile on her face. "Athrun, you can be happy. You said you love her a little. That means you have feelings for her… deeper than you have for Cagali… deeper than you had for me"

Athrun was really getting confused by all this. First of, he couldn't understand why he was here, telling her his heart out. It wasn't like him. _Have I changed that much ?_ And second…where did she draw that conclusion from.

"L… Lacus, what are you saying ?"

Lacus only smiled at him, shaking her head "You said you love her a little… do you have noticed you have never said you loved me… or that you love Cagali ?"

Athrun simply looked at her unable to speak, realizing what she had just said. It was the truth, as always. He never had said to her, nor Cagali that he would love either of them. It was the first time him saying so. _But I don't understand…if… If that is how I feel… why didn't I notice it during all these months with her ?"_

"How… why didn't I notice this before ?" He silently whispered, but Lacus heard that. "because you were caught up in your past, Athrun. You were to busy trying to cling on to your past… to be the same person who you were during the war… to be a soldier to notice what your heart feels."

"You always locked your heart away in the war, Athrun."

"But…I am a soldier… i…"

He stopped when he felt Lacus hand on his cheek. She smiled at him. "Remember, when I brought Justice to you … and you asked if I think you are only a soldier…. I said that you are a soldier…but that you are also Athrun. "

Athrun did remember the scene. It was on board on Archangel… he could barely stand from his injuries he had gotten trying to protect Meyrin when his GOUF was destroyed by Shinn. He remembered the feeling of being only a soldier as he stood there, examining the newly created Infinite Justice Gundam, built for him by Lacus.

"_That's also for you to decide. And you might be a soldier, but you are also Athrun, aren't you ?"_

"Stop being a soldier, Athrun. The war is over. You brought it to an end. Please, be Athrun again. The same I remember from back then, when we were only 14. Ever since when your mother died, you have been locking yourself away. And it hurts you too much."

Tears were slowly streaming down Athrun's face, dropping down on the carpet, leaving stains there. "But… I…I'm engaged to Cagali… I have already made Meyrin suffer without even realizing it… i… I don't want for Cagali to suffer as well…"

Lacus smiled at him, with unlimited sadness in her face. That was just like Athrun. He cared about others more than for himself. He sacrificed himself for others. And unlike Kira, who always cried out his pain, Athrun kept it inside. The soldier didn't let him to cry.

"Athrun, I told you not to think that way. That won't make anyone happy in the end. Think a bit about yourself before thinking about others, Athrun. You have never done that. I know that it sounds selfish, but love is selfish, Athrun."

"You see that Cagali still wants to be with you, and so you try to make it happen, ignoring what your heart feels. You think too much, Athrun. Too much about others, almost never about yourself. You were always ready to sacrifice yourself for others. Don't do that for once, Athrun."

"Your mind is locked in the past. Maybe it's the same for Cagali. _I wonder if i'm locked in my past as well… _Talk to her, Athrun. You should talk more. The war is over, there is no need to hide your feelings, to push them aside. For once, be what you want to be, not what others expect you to be . _I wonder if i'm not the same… haven't I always been the way others expect me to be ?_

_I was always expected to be strong and cheerful, so I was… just like Athrun was expected to be the best soldier. And he was. But I didn't want to be cheerful all the time, when my heart was against it… Athrun didn't want to be a soldier… But we both did what was expected of us by others…_

"Lacus… tell me…how…what should I do ? What would you do ? to follow the obvious path… to do the what everyone expects you to do … what should I do… tell me…please…

Lacus smiled her sad smile. What would she do ? Athrun already knew the answer to that. After all, she and Athrun were engaged… but she left him, to be with Kira. For once she did what her heart told her to do… now she wanted Athrun to do the same.

"Athrun… you already know what I would do… what I did. I…I left you" she turned her head away, not looking in his eyes anymore "I left you to be with Kira… despite us being engaged… that's what I did – I did what my heart told me to do."

Athrun's eyes widened hearing this. He had long forgotten the fact that she already had gone trough this – what he was going trough now. "Lacus… so what are you saying… what should I do ?"

Lacus turned her head back to face Athrun and looked deep in to his eyes, showing that she really means what she says. Her words made Athrun remember the advice he had given Shinn some time ago. The advice he gave to his friend, but never followed himself.

"Athrun… just follow your heart." She smiled, seeing Athrun's expression. "I'm sure that will lead to the better end. Athrun, promise me, that you will think about this. Just not too much. You always think too much. You need to let go of the soldiers way of doing things.

And you can. I know you can. I know, because I have seen that you can. That day when you took Meyrin to restaurant… the day you took her to the park… You smiled, Athrun… you laughed… you finally didn't think hard about everything – you felt at peace.

You had never laughed while being with me… while being with Cagali…" she smiled sadly "It was the first time I have seen you laugh, Athrun."

Athrun wiped away the tears from his face, regaining some of his usual calmness. But Lacus could see he was not as uptight as usual. She knew she had succeeded in making the mask he wore unstuck a bit. That he will at least try to let go of his past. The rest was up to Athrun. And she believed in him. She always had.

Athrun stood up and nodded to Lacus, with a small smile on his face. "Thank you, Lacus. I'm really a fool, am I not ? It always seems you know things better than me when it comes to my feelings…i…I have to think about this. Thank you."

_Cagali backed away from the door, tears in her eyes. It hurt her. It hurt to hear Lacus say such things. And it kept on hurting even deeper because she knew it was true. Athrun never had said he loved her. He had never laughed in her company… and it was true she had tossed him aside for her country. And it was true that she could never care for Athrun as much as for her country._

_And it hurt to realize this. These bits have never really crossed her mind… now, when they were thrown at her, she felt hurt by their boldness, Their truth. He never said he loved. At least that he loved her. He never laughed. At least not with her. _

_Cagali slowly backed away from the door, then turned around and ran to her room. She fell on to her bed, face buried in pillows. And she cried. Cried from the wounds these truthful words have caused._

He turned around and started to walk towards the door. Lacus smiled to herself. So she had made Athrun think a bit how his heart feels. That's good. It was true she always seemed to understand Athrun, because she could see trough his heart… unlike with Kira.

She suddenly stood up, and quickly spoke up, with nervous voice. "Athrun, please wait. I.. I want to ask you something." There was one person who knew Kira better than herself. That has known him since his childhood. Maybe…maybe that person knew the answer. And that person was standing in front of her.

Athrun turned back, surprised how she had changed suddenly. "Lacus, what's wrong ?" He pushed all his thoughts aside, focusing on Lacus. He can think about all that later, now it seemed Lacus was worried about something.

"N..nothing. I…I just wanted to ask you something… about Kira." Athrun raised an eyebrow. He certainly didn't want to talk about Kira. Especially since his mind wanted to think about other issues. But he wouldn't say no to Lacus, who looked worried.

He nodded his head and sighed. "Very well… what is it, Lacus ?"

Lacus gathered her willpower to ask the question. She was afraid of the answer. But she hoped at least he could give her one, be it good or bad, at least it would be an answer instead of a world of uncertainties.

"Athrun, how do you think…. does Kira…. have feelings for me…. Does he love me …."

Athrun was shocked with this question, which showed on his face. He took a step backwards, his emerald eyes widened in surprise. 'Wha…Lacus… what…why…"

Lacus quickly moved forward and grabbed Athrun's hand, as if she would be worried he would run away. He really looked like he could. He looked up at him, with pleading look in her eyes and spoke with trembling voice.

"Please, Athrun. I… I need to know…I need to know. And please… don't lie to save my feelings… it hurts not to know anything at all." She squeezed his hand tighter, her eyes watering. "Please, Athrun"

Saying he was surprised was an understatement. He had never seen her like this. She looked confused… for the first time in her life. He didn't know what to say. Or rather how to say it. "Please…Athrun….if you know…tell me the truth"

Athrun took in a deep breath and let out an even bigger sigh. "Lacus… he… he likes you … who wouldn't like you…he… "

"Does he love me, Athrun? Please…you are the only one who can answer this besides him…and i…I don't want to…to ask him this"

Athrun took her hand in both his hands and looked away. _Love… is such a strong word. You can't use it freely. _Athrun thought he probably knew the answer to her question…

He looked in to her blue eyes, that were pleading for an answer…

"Lacus, I … i'm not sure… I don't think so. He has never been the one to hide his feelings… he never did… so i… I don't think he does." Lacus let go of Athrun's arm and took a few steps back, and sat down on the bed. A tear fell down her cheek.

Athrun thought for a moment if he should have said the thing he said. But he was never used to lying. And he never lied. "Lacus…sorry.."

Lacus shook her head, wiping the tear away with a pink handkerchief. "Don't be. Thank you, Athrun. For telling the truth."

Lacus looked like she wanted to be left alone for a while, so Athrun decided to take his leave. Without saying another word, he went over to the door and opened it, looked over his shoulder at Lacus, who was sitting on her bed, her head bowed down, her pink hair covering her face, and exited the room, quietly closing the door behind him.

* * *

He also wanted to be alone for a while. He also had things to think over about. He went up to the balcony and stepped outside. The wind blowing trough his hair and petting his face was refreshing. He took a deep breath of the fresh air and started to think over things Lacus had told him.

Once Athrun snapped out of his thoughts he noticed it was evening already. He had lost the track of time while dwelling in his thoughts. And even after all this thinking he hadn't come near the conclusion on how he should act.

The blue haired coordinator sighed and looked at his watch. 6:45 pm. The ball was about to start. He better go and freshen up a bit and find Cagali. He looked up at the sky. It looked like it was going to rain – dark clouds were gathering, and this sight certainly didn't lift up his mood.

He turned around and walked inside to prepare for the ball.

* * *

The ball was going well, and Athrun even was having some fun, but something prevented him from truly being happy at this time. And it seemed like Cagali was upset about something, but Athrun had no idea about what, seeing how much she looked forward to this.

He decided that maybe she was tired and led her to side to have a seat, and sat beside her.

"_Cagali, are you ok ?" _

"_Mhm …?" Cagali lifted her eyes and looked at Athrun. She was wearing the same green dress that Athrun found so attractive the other day. "Oh… it's nothing, Athrun."_

_Athrun raised an eyebrow "really ?"_

_Cagali sighed, then turned her head away "Say, Athrun… I" she was interrupted by a loud noise of breaking glass. Eyes of every person in the hall turned towards the source of the noise. It appeared that one of guests had pushed over one of the trays near the door, which was holding ten glasses of wine. _

_The unlucky guest tried to get out of sight as fast as possible, red all over his face. Athrun chuckled at that. Speaking of red… his eyes widened when he saw a red haired girl standing near the entrance of the room, just a bit outside._

_Athrun blinked his eyes in order to make sure he was not seeing things. M…Meyrin ? She was standing there, wearing the black dress, hugging the red heart shaped pillow to her chest. She looked like she had been crying recently again. Athrun's hand clutched the letter inside his pocket, feeling a whirlpool of emotions awakening in his usually calm heart. Meyrin…_

He started at her for a few seconds, then she suddenly backed away from the door and left his sight. Athrun was still clutching the letter inside his pocket. Lots of questions, feelings and memories flooded his mind. _Meyrin…She came…to see me ?_

As he saw Meyrin backing away from door he strained. He did not want her to leave… he had no idea if he would get the chance to ever see her again. But he couldn't just stand up and go away, leaving Cagali here like that…

His trail of thoughts was interrupted as he felt a hand rested on his shoulder. "Go"

Athrun turned his head to Cagali and blinked in surprise. "Ca..Cagali ?"

Cagali only nodded, as if saying she understands. "Go to her, Athrun." "Go" she added as she saw Athrun opening his mouth to say something. "Go while you still can, Athrun." She pulled her lips in a small, sad smile. "Follow your heart, Athrun."

The blue haired man widened his emerald eyes in surprise. _How does she know…_Before Athrun had a chance to think about that another thought came up his mind. _Go while you still can. That's right… if I don't hurry…I might never see her again…_

He stood up, looking in Cagali's golden eyes, filled with sadness and understanding. He turned around and walked to the door. When he got out, he started running. He had no idea where to run… he just ran, following his heart.

Cagali exited the ball room, trying to hold her tears back. She just wanted to be alone for a while. She turned around a corner and bumped in to someone. She lift up her eyes and saw Lacus, who also looked sad, her eyes a bit red from crying.

"Cagali…how did you… did you hear what i… and Athrun were talking about ?" She placed a hand on her chest and startled a bit when Cagali nodded her head. "Cagali, i…i'm very sorry, i…" She bowed her head.

Cagali just shook her head. "Lacus… you don't need to be sorry…you…you didn't do anything wrong. I also want him to be happy. Besides…" Cagali's voice became more wistful "Everything you said was true. About him being unable to forgive me… and about me loving my country more than I love him… which I have already showed."

Lacus lifted her head, her eyes filling with tears. "I'm sorry, Cagali. I never meant to say anything bad about you, its just…"

"You never did say anything bad. You said the truth. I simply love my country more. I cant be there for him when he needs it. I couldn't break his mask. She on the other hand, can. I just want Athrun to be happy. I believe he will be happy with her. And that's enough for me."

"It just shows that I can't love a person as much as I love this country. No matter how I wish for that to be untrue. Athrun needs someone to support him, and I cant do that. He wouldn't be happy with me. You were right, Lacus. Actually I even don't feel so sad now that he's gone.

Somehow I knew we just were not meant to be. I guess…. I kinda liked Kira back then…before I found out he is my brother." Her cheeks turned a bit red at mentioning this. "I just used him as something to cling on to… I think. He had also just lost you…and I guess he also needed someone to cling on to…"

"But its best if we move on. Its good to know he is ready to move on… to someone who can really care for him… more than for anything else…as for me." She smiled sadly "I guess ill just move on to my country… maybe ill find someone at some point... but now it seems I love my country that my father left me more than I am capable of loving anything else."

Tears were falling down Lacus face, as she was listening to what Cagali was saying. She was strong. She was strong because she could accept truth so easily and without hesitation. _If only I had that kind of strength…_

"Cagali… thank you. Thank you for not hating me. I feel so bad for doing this to you…"

Cagali only shook her head. "Don't be, Lacus. You were right, you know. Clinging on to the past wont do any good to anyone in the end. I guess I was also trying to cling on to it – to the feelings I had for him before my country came in the picture. I should thank you instead"

She was about to continue, when they heard a sound of breaking glass coming from the hallway to their right. Lacus lift her head and turned it in the direction of sound. "What was that ?"

Cagali shrugged "No idea. Lets go and see. Someone better not breaking the vases in the hallways. They are expensive you know…"

Lacus decided that if Cagali is trying to pull a joke, then maybe she really is ok, and followed her towards the direction sound came from.

* * *

Athrun was running forward, without even knowing where to run. He just had a feeling he should come here. Without knowing it he had come to the hallway that led to the balcony he had been standing on today earlier.

He saw a figure standing there. Someone in black dress and red hair. _Meyrin. _As he continued to run, he noticed that her hands let go of the railing she was leaning against and her body began to slide over it.

His emerald eyes widened in horror and realization. _Don't tell me she is going to… CRAP_. His coordinator muscles tensed, as he dashed towards the balcony in an unbelievable speed. _No…this cant be happening… I must reach her in time…I MUST._

Her body was already almost half way across the railing, when Athrun caught her around her chest with his right hand, while crashing in to the railing quite heavily, as he didn't try to slow down before reaching her. This caused him almost to fall over the railing himself, but that was the least of his concerns now.

Without noticing the pain in his right side that was tossed against the railing, he pulled her back away from there. "Meyrin ! Meyrin ?" _She has lost consciousness _he ascertained as he felt her limp body in his hands.

It was raining, and her clothes and hair were soaked with water. He quickly picked her up, placing his hands under her and carried her inside, picking up the red pillow that had fallen out of her hands.

He looked at her face and felt his heart ache. After the danger was over, his heart started to fill with all kinds of emotions, biggest of them being guilt. _Did… did I make her suffer so badly… how…how could I have been so blind for five months ! I'm such a jerk ! _

_She must have felt sad for all that time… and I was too oblivious to notice what's happening right over my damn nose. _Tears were streaming down his face, as he realized how much he had hurt her. How much she meant to him. How close he was to losing her. He would punch the wall right now if his hands wouldn't be busy holding her.

_She must have been suffering for the whole 5 months… and the incident in the park must have pushed her over the edge…DAMN…how could I have been so blind ! She risked everything she had for me… she stayed by my side for 5 months. ! and I just took that for granted. I'm such a miserable person!_

He kneeled down on the floor, not letting go of her slim body, that was resting on his hands, tears still coming from his eyes. "Meyrin" He whispered, bowing his head down. "If…if you can forgive me…I promise…I wont ignore you anymore… I wont cling on to my past… this time I will stay beside you…. If you still want me to be there… i…"

"So, you choose her over my sister" A cold voice pierced the air. Athrun looked up to find Kira standing a few feet away. His words sounded cold. His purple eyes were filled with anger. _Just like the day in the park…_ Athrun felt anger rising in him again.

Kira was the last person he wanted to see now. And he seemed to act hostile again. Athrun slowly stood up, without realizing he was holding Meyrin tighter now. Somehow he sensed that Kira wouldn't just leave them alone.

"Well ? Answer me! Why are you holding that slut ?" Kira yelled at his former friend, his hands clinched in fists. Athrun felt like hitting him again. But he had more important things to worry about right now, than hitting Kira, so he tried to calm himself down, although his mind screamed to jump at Kira and beat him senseless.

"I have nothing to say to you, so move aside."

Kira started to shake in anger at his response. "What do you mean you have nothing to say ? You have to be with Cagali not this homeless creature !"

Athrun felt like he could barely control himself, despite being very calm in nature. He was shaking in anger, but Meyrin needed his attention more than his stupid friend who seemed to have lost his mind again.

"Its not for you to decide, now move aside, or I will make you move" Athrun was grinding his teeth as he said that, he had to bring up all his self restrain not to jump at Kira and strangle him.

Looks like his response angered the obviously irrational Kira even more. But he didn't care about that one bit. Kira could go to hell for all he cared. Then something he didn't expect happened – Kira swung his head back and started to laugh. Athrun stared at him, his eyes widened. _Is he completely cracked ?_

Kira stopped laughing and looked at Meyrin, with malicious sparkle in his eyes, and said in almost whispering voice. "She is making you forget your past, isn't she ? She's making you forget Cagali, isn't she ? But don't worry, Athrun." Evil grin showed upon Kira's face.

"I will save you from her, Athrun. I will set you free. So you can be with Cagali again." With that he pulled a kitchen knife out of his pocket, and started to move forward.

Athrun took a step back, eyes widened in a complete shock. "Kira…what … are you mad ?"

Kira took another step closer, grinning widely. "I'm free, Athrun. I will free you as well." With that he lunged forward, prepared to use the knife.

Time seemed to freeze as Athrun quickly analyzed the situation. He had Meyrin in his hands, so he didn't know how well he could evade the blow. He was obviously stronger than Kira, who never received any kind of training in the military. But Athrun had a precious load that slowed him down, that he couldn't let go.

Then a shocking realization struck him. Kira was not aiming for him. He was aiming for Meyrin. _NO! _He couldn't let that happen. No matter what. He couldn't ! He wont !

Athrun quickly moved to side, just enough to get Meyrin out of the way, moving his arm in the way instead. He could feel the cold steel pierce his arm, he felt his blood flowing down his white jacket. He didn't care about that. His mind was focused on another thing. He completely ignored the pain.

_He… tried to kill her ? He …aimed for her ? KIRA ! You will pay for that. Meyrin…I will protect her… I…will…defeat you ! _An image of a small seed appeared in front of his eyes. The small seed floated in the air, then suddenly it scattered in thousands of little particles of light…

Athrun's eye pupils were narrowed, his eyes radiating a light, barely noticeable green light. He easily dodged Kira's next stab, ducking under his arm and coming up the side of it. He brought up a knee to Kira's stomach, making the boy wince in pain, as he dropped to the floor on one knee.

Athrun let go of Meyrin's legs and grabbed a vase that was situated on a nearby shelf, and swung it against Kira's back of the head, shattering the vase in the process.

The brunette fell to the floor, obviously unconscious from the blow. Athrun picked up Meyrin's legs again and shifted himself against the wall. He was breathing heavily. It was obvious to him that Kira had some mental problems. _Serious problems, that idiot attacked Meyrin…I swear…if he would have done anything to her…_

Athrun looked at Kira , shaking in anger, trying to once again to restrain the urge to strangle the unconscious boy. He didn't even notice that sleeve of his white jacket was soaked red in his blood.

Then he heard footsteps coming from the hallway and turned his head to see whose coming.

Lacus and Cagali stopped at the sight that revealed itself before their eyes. Lacus gasped as she saw Kira lying on the ground, a small stream of blood coming from his head, while gripping a bloody knife, while Athrun was leaning against the wall, with blood soaked jacket, holding an unconscious Meyrin in his hands.

Cagali looked around in confusion "A…Athrun…what… what happened here ?" her gaze stopped at Athrun's arm, which was covered in blood. Her eyes widened in disbelief and worry "Oh my god ! Are you ok, Athrun, your arm… "

Athrun looked at his arm, which looked like it had been painted red. Honestly he hadn't noticed the pain at all. "Oh…its nothing…i'm fine…don't worry about me"

Lacus slowly went over to Kira and carefully removed the knife from his hand, with obvious concern and fear in her eyes. Her hand touched Kira's forehead, where the blood was coming from in a small stream.

She looked at Athrun, who was also bleeding, holding Meyrin in his hands. She probably knew what had happened…but she didn't want to believe it _No…it cant be… Kira would never !_ Tears were gathering in her eyes, as she watched the unconscious Kira lying on the ground.

Cagali still was as confused as ever. "Athrun, what the heck happened ? You…you need to see a doctor! And Kira too !" She was screaming, her voice shaking slightly. She was obviously worried about both friends.

But Athrun had his own worries – the soaked girl in his hands. He had to get her some dry clothes, and get her away fro m this depressing place. He pushed off from the wall and started to slowly walk down the hall.

"Ill be fine, Cagali, don't worry about me. Iv been trough worse. You should both take that idiot to a doctor. And I don't mean just the cut he has in his head. I really think he has lost it. He tried to kill Meyrin.

With that Athrun left, carrying Meyrin with him. He was holding her in his hands the whole time, but he didn't even feel the slightest fatigue. Meyrin was so light he could carry around her all day. And he certainly wouldn't mind doing so.

Cagali watched Athrun leave, her eyes widened in disbelief. _He…tried to kill Meyrin ? That's absurd ! it cant be! _The bloody knife that Kira had and Athrun's bleeding Hand made her rethink her position though.

Lacus was kneeling beside Kira, tears falling from her beautiful blue eyes, shaking her head in disbelief. "Kira…how could you…what is happening to you…" She whispered while leaning down to Kira and placing her hands on his back, gripping his shirt.

Cagali snapped out of it, quickly pulling out her cell phone to call an ambulance. And she didn't forget Athrun's advice either. She would surely find out what's wrong with Kira. It couldn't be that his past was responsible for this, It just couldn't…

* * *

Athrun stopped his car by his house, after driving trough the city like madman. His only concern was to take care of Meyrin. She needed some dry clothes, or else she would catch a fever. Not to mention he was concerned about her state of mind as well.

He had managed to bandage his arm somehow while driving. He decided to take care of it later, Meyrin was more important to him now. Its not like it's the first time he gets injured, and from experience he could tell its nothing serious.

He could feel his heart almost stop as he remembered how close Kira got to Meyrin with the knife. _Kira, what the hell is wrong with you ?_

He unlocked the door and carried Meyrin inside. This seemed awfully familiar. Last time he and Meyrin encountered Kira it ended up with him bringing back Meyrin in his hands, who was in a state of shock.

This time he was bringing her back with her being unconscious and his arm bleeding. He pressed her fragile body closer to him while he carried her up to her room. He swore to himself, that he wouldn't let Kira near Meyrin if it would be the last thing he would do.

Athrun gently placed Meyrin on bed and then he realized something. She was unconscious, and he would have to change her clothes. He froze at that thought, his cheeks gaining the color of a boiled beet. He couldn't do that! She would probably consider him a pervert or something!

_But then again –what other choice do I have ? I certainly can't lave her lying in that wet dress. _Cursing at himself for the situation , Athrun removed her shoes, then carefully removed her dress, trying to restrain his sight as much as possible. To a very limited success. He couldn't help but admit that she is very beautiful.

_Stop that, Zala. She is lying here in such a situation, and you are thinking something like this._ Athrun finished removing the dress and put it down on a chair. Now he turned back to Meyrin. Much to his horror he discovered that her underwear is soaked as well. He blushed fiercely at the thought of having to change that as well.

After a minute of hesitation and inner conflicts Athrun sighed heavily, before proceeding to the task. _After all, it's better than leaving her with wet clothes for the night…right ?_ After the task was done and he had managed to get her in to one of his T-shirts and in to her white trousers he proceeded to bring her wet clothes to the bathroom, and placed them in the washing machine, not to forget to wash them tomorrow.

Then he made his way back to her room, trying to fight of some inappropriate images that were occupying his mind. It proved to be quite futile. He sighed and went over to Meyrin, placing a hand on her forehead. At least it seemed that she didn't have a fever at this moment.

After that Athrun went to the bathroom and tended to his wound. It was quite deep, and it bled quite heavily. After placing several layers of bandages and a patch on it he was finally satisfied. Then he made his way to Meyrin's room to check on her last time before going to sleep himself.

He stopped at that thought, while watching Meyrin. _What if…what if she tries to run away again…or…or…_he felt his heart ache at the thought of Meyrin slipping over the railing… After a bit of hesitation he slowly got on the bed, laying down beside Meyrin, and placed his hand around her. _This time, I won't let you go, Meyrin…please, stay…_

* * *

Cagali was nervously walking back and forth in the hospitals waiting room, growling something about doctors taking so long and them being lazy and incompetent. Lacus was quietly sitting on a chair, her head bowed down. She had been sitting like that without saying a word for the last two hours.

It has been three hours since they brought in Kira. A doctor stepped out of the examination room and approached the two ladies. Cagali looked at him with a look that said 'finally', Lacus raised her worried gaze from the floor and looked at the doctor.

"Well, how is he ?" _Hope he is ok, so I can pound him in to oblivion myself_. She froze at the doctors words, as did Lacus.

"I'm afraid I have some bad news"

* * *

A/N:

Wee, another chappie done. Personally I don't like this one too much, I couldn't get the Athrun/Lacus conversation done the way I wanted to (sad face)

And don't ask me how Athrun found out that Meyrin's underwear is also soaked :D.

Anyway, hope i'm still bearable, I have a fire extinguisher somewhere nearby, so flame away :D R&R please


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks to all my reviewers, you are all helping to keep me writing, I really appreciate it. About Kira being OOC last chapter – well, its obvious he was possessed by his inner demons again, i'm sure you have noticed he doesn't act too rational then :D

About me updating so fast – let's just say that i'm 'enjoying' all the 'benefits' of a broken leg, so I have truckloads of time to spend in front of my PC. (At least till my eyes start to hurt so ill have to take a day off from the PC screen :P )

GSluver – wow, that's a pretty good take on how Kira could see Meyrin and relate her to Fllay ( Ill have to snatch the idea if I write another AxM fic later ), but I have a different explanation this time. What it is – you will find out later :D (but it is kinda related to Fllay )

risingsundynasty – np, I like all kinds of opinions and was expecting some angry KxL and /AxC fans to visit :P (omg, no AxC fans yet X.X muahaha, my camouflage net must be working) Well, about me writing Kira's character that way – this is my story and here he hasn't gotten over his past and it haunts him to insanity :D About their love… from the series it's obvious that Lacus loves Kira a lot, but we see little to none affection from Kira himself.

Sure, there are many ways how that may change and this is one of them in only this fic, so no need to get upset about it :D And hey, don't feel bad about me destroying all the relationships – now that its done, ill have to stitch something together again :D Just don't get your hopes too high if you expect a happy end to all :D

So, here is chapter 6, hope you like it.

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

Cagali was standing near her brothers bed in the hospital's room. Her golden eyes were filled with concern and sadness, while she was stroking Kira's bandaged head. _Kira… how could this happen to you… darn. But… you will be alright. I know you will._

The brown haired coordinator slowly opened his purple eyes, blinking a few times, and then closing them again because the light seemed to hurt his eyes. Cagali noticed that her brother was waking up and smiled happily. _I hope he's alright. _

"Kira. Kira! Can you hear me ?"

Kira slowly turned his head, hesitantly opening his eyes again. At first his vision was blurry, but it slowly sharpened again, enough for him to recognize the person standing beside him.

"C… Cagali ?" he quietly muttered.

Cagali nodded her head, obviously relieved that her brother seemed ok at the moment.

"Kira, how are you ? Are you ok ?"

Kira placed his hand on his aching forehead and looked around the room. For some odd reason this reminded him a lot of a hospital ward. And it felt like his head was bandaged. "Where… am I ? What happened ?" his expression was blank, obviously he hadn't still recovered completely.

"Kira, don't you remember what happened yesterday… at the ball ?" Cagali's voice was trembling a bit as she said those words. Image of bleeding Athrun with unconscious Meyrin on his hands came to her mind. _I really think he has lost it. He tried to kill Meyrin.._

Cagali shook her head, Remembering Athrun's words and the bloody knife Kira had held in is hand.

"What happened…?" Kira repeated watching his sister's worried face. Then his purple eyes widened and he froze, when with a sudden burst all his memories of the yesterday returned his head.

He suddenly sat up, breathing heavily, his hand clutching the hair on his head, startling Cagali in the process.

"Kira ! You shouldn't stand up ! You need to lay down, you…" She stopped as she saw tears starting to fall down Kira's face. Cagali was unsure what to do. She slowly placed her hand on Kira's shoulder and asked with unusually concerned and quiet voice.

"Kira… are you alright?" When the boy didn't answer she slowly shook his shoulder, carefully speaking up again. "Kira ?"

Kira slowly turned his tear filled eyes towards Cagali. His voice was filled with regret and disgust towards himself. "What…what have I done…" he was slightly shaking, his voice trembling, tears rolling down his cheeks.

Cagali knew that something like this was bound to happen. But still she couldn't take seeing her brother so torn up, so miserable, so emotionally shaken to the very core of his being.

"Kira…you…"

Kira shook his head, both his hands clinging his hair, it looked as if he would be trying to pull them out. "I…I stabbed Athrun… i… i…" A picture of Meyrin, resting in Athrun's hands came up in his mind… he remembered how he had dashed forward, trying to reach her with the knife before Athrun had placed himself in the way.

Kira let out a cry and bowed his head down while sobbing, making Cagali worried. "I…I tried…to attack Meyrin…i… she was unconscious… yet i… tried to attack her…i… I insulted her… I even tried to attack her…i…

_Meyrin… she is the most innocent person I have known… even more than Lacus…She is unlimitedly kind… she… she always cares for others… yet i…I said all those things to her…I … I almost killed her !._ This thought made Kira twitch in pain and guilt.

_Why… why am I even alive ? Athrun…why…why didn't you just… _"Maybe…maybe he was right after all…"

Cagali was obviously shocked after seeing Kira like this. She had never seen him so broken. She wanted to do something, but felt helpless…. "Who was right, Kira ?"

"Rau… " Cagali's eyes widened and a shadow of fear could be seen on her face.

"Rau?… Kira, what are you saying ? What are you… "

Kira turned away his head, remembering the words his old enemy was saying once. _Could he have been right all along …?_

"Maybe he was right… that a person like me shouldn't exist…" His hand clinched in to a fist, lightly shaking "Maybe…maybe Rey was right… that I should disappear together with him…

"Kira !" Cagali shouted out, grabbing her brother by his shoulders and forcing him to look at her. "Don't…don't say that! Rau… Rau wanted to end the world… you … you stopped him… you…So don't say such things. Don't…" Tears were starting to fall from her golden eyes, as she breathed heavily while looking at her brothers face.

But only a sad smile crossed Kira's face. "I didn't… it was Athrun who stopped Genesis from firing… he was ready to give up his life… while i…I was too busy with my vengeance to do that … I was too busy trying to kill Rau…"

"But ! But you killed Rau in the end… you did that, remember ? You… "

"Rau existed because of me … "

Cagali's eyes widened in shock. "What the hell are you saying Kira !"

Kira bowed his head down and turned it to a side. He didn't want to look in to Cagali's eyes. "My father… he wanted to create me… as the Ultimate Coordinator… but to do that he had to make Rau in the process… to get the funding for his research…"

"If…if I would have never existed… then there would be no Rau…if i…"

"Kira" Cagali shouted, while starting to shake Kira by the shoulders, tears streaming from her eyes, desperate look on her face. "Kira ! Stop ! Please stop ! Its not your fault…its not…"

"How is it not my fault ? Everything I said to Meyrin… I hurt Athrun, I …" He looked up at Cagali, who was still lightly shaking him by the shoulders. "Cagali…how… how is Athrun… is he ok ?"

Seeing that Kira at least wasn't thinking about depressing things made Cagali calm down a bit. She let go of Kira's shoulders and tried to stop sobbing, while wiping away her tears with a handkerchief. Actually she had no idea how Athrun was doing, but she was certain that he would be ok.

And Meyrin as well. This thought made her heart ache a bit. But Athrun was no longer with her. He had left, and she had told him to go. But it didn't hurt that much. If Athrun could let go of his past, so can she. She realized that she didn't need Athrun as much as she had thought.

But this was not the time to dwell upon those thoughts. She had to convince Kira that Athrun is ok, if she wanted him to calm down.

"Athrun … he's probably fine. He's strong you know. He has been trough worse." She winced at the thought – the day she met Athrun she had shot him. Twice.

Kira sighed and bowed down his head. But seemed like he had calmed down a bit. "And… what about Meyrin ?"

"Physically she is ok… you didn't do anything to her." Cagali turned her head away "Besides…she is…with Athrun, …so she will be all right"

Kira lied down on the bed, placing a hand over his eyes. So, his sister had broken up with Athrun. _Athrun…i'm sorry…I … I actually attacked you…i…_ Athrun's words crossed his mind _"Because of you, Meyrin had her only birthday celebration for the last years ruined. Because of you she spent whole night Crying. Because of your words she left !"_

_Athrun… you… you really do like her, don't you? I…I hope she wont push you away because of what I said…if she will, i…i…I will just kill myself…i…I cause only suffering to those around me…maybe…maybe it would be better if I wouldn't be here at all…_

Cagali saw a look of depression on Kira's face, despite the fact that he was covering his eyes. "Kira, what ever it is you are thinking it is not your fault".

"Why?" the brown haired boy asked, removing his hand from his purple eyes and looking in to Cagali's golden ones. "Why is it not my fault ? It was I who did it. My past problems should be mine, but instead I keep hurting others."

"It's not your fault, because… because…" her hands clinched in to fists and started to shake.

Kira looked at his sister, suspicion. _Why is she being so nice to me ? I tried to… kill…_the thought of this made him want to die, his heart almost stopped at the thought what could have happened if Athrun wouldn't have reacted so fast _…Meyrin…i…I stabbed Athrun…I yelled at Lacus… at her…_

_She punched me when she learned that I insulted Meyrin in the park… now I almost … killed her…I wounded Athrun…yet she is being so nice to me… why ?I… I deserve to be punched…i…I don't even deserve to live… then why …?_

"Cagali…" Kira slowly spoke up, making Cagali focus on him again "Why are you doing this…saying it's not my fault… I deserve to die, not to be comforted"

"Kira ! stop saying that ! Its not"

"It is" Kira quickly interrupted her, for a second looking irritated, but that quickly passed when he saw the look in Cagali's face. Her face was filled with sadness. And concern. And it worried him for some reason.

"It is my fault… we both know it…so why ?... tell me, Cagali."

Cagali was left with surprise in her face, mixed with fear. She had to tell him. She knew that all along, but now that she had to, she felt like she couldn't. But she had to.

"Kira…it's … her eyes started to water

_Flashback_

"_I'm afraid I have some bad news" the doctor announced when he approached Cagali and Lacus. Cagali shot a surprised glare at the doctor, while Lacus quickly jumped up from her chair, where she had sat for two hours without saying a word, and quickly ran closer, obviously worried. _

"_Bad news ?" Cagali raised an eyebrow "Don't tell me that the hit he got to his head is that serious. His skull is thicker than that."_

"_Cagali" Lacus shouted with __reproachful voice__, and the doctor looked at her with surprised look on his face._

"_Sorry" Cagali muttered, lowering her head, trying to hide her slightly red cheeks. "So, what seems to be the problem?"_

_Doctor's face turned serious, and he said in a low voice. "During the testing we have uncovered that your brother has a cancerous growth in his brain."_

"_W…what ?" Cagali's golden eyes widened, she felt that her jaw could drop to the floor at any moment. Lacus brought up her hands and covered her mouth, not to let anyone hear her gasp._

"_D…doctor, he… he's going to be alright, right ?" She nervously spoke up, with an expression of shock and worry on her face, while moving a bit closer to the doctor."_

"_We will operate, and please don't worry miss – these kind of operations have a 97.5 success rate."_

_Lacus sighed with relief and Cagali grinned – she didn't expect some little cancer to bring her bro down while two wars didn't._

_Their relief, however, was darkened with the doctor's next words. _

"_However there is one thing that i'm worried about. Your brother's mental state. You have stated that your brother seems to be experiencing some sort of memory 'flashbacks', and often during or after those seems unable to be in control of his actions, which are expressed in an aggressive manner, correct ?"_

"_Eee… yes…I guess" Cagali slowly said, seeming utterly confused._

"_And that seems to be the problem – while the cancer doesn't affect any regions of the brain that are required for the body to function normally, we believe that the cancer might be the cause to his mental problems."_

"_But… if you remove it, he will be back to normal, right ?Right ?" Lacus quickly spoke with trembling voice, her eyes watering up, hands lifted in a pleading manner._

"_Unfortunately we can't guarantee that, miss. As it stands now, we are unable to detect how big is the damage caused by the cancer, and how its removal will affect it. However we are sure that there are two outcomes."_

"_First" he raised a finger "After the cancer is removed, all the problems connected with Mr. Yamato's behavior and memories will be gone."_

"_And second ?" Cagali angrily asked, almost grinding her teeth. How could the damn doctor remain so calm ? They were talking about a cancer in her brothers brain, and he was giving his speech so blankly that it sounded like a weather forecast._

"_Second" The doctor announced, ignoring Cagali's tone and her glare "If his brain would be badly damaged already, the effect won't disappear, but will continue to get worse even after the cancer is removed. In other words, we are almost certain that the cancer's removal will be successful, but we have no idea if this will improve your brother's condition."_

_Cagali looked really worried now, Lacus looked like she would break down and cry any moment now._

"_And… how good are our chances that his situation improves ?" Cagali asked, not knowing if she wants to know."_

"_We don't know that. We will only be able to determinate that in few days after the operation." Doctor took a look at his watch. "Mr. Yamato is still sleeping after the blow to his head, he should be waking up in few hours, you can visit him then."_

"_And…when is the…operation ?"_

"_In two days. Now if you will excuse me, I have other patients to tend to." With that he left, leaving stunned Cagali and shocked Lacus behind._

_End of Flashback_

"I… see" Kira slowly answered, with unreadable expression on his face. Then he placed his hand on Cagali's head, who was crying in his lap.

"Cagali, don't worry – I will be fine, don't cry."

Cagali lifted her head, trying to stop herself from crying and looked in Kira's purple eyes. "R… really ?"

Kira smiled at his sister. "Really. So don't worry about me, ok ? I'll be just fine"

Cagali nodded her had and brought out her handkerchief to wipe the tears away. "You better keep that promise"

Kira smiled a little more. _That's more like the Cagali I know. There is no need to worry about me._ _I'll be just fine._

"Cagali, i'm a little tired and my head hurts – Athrun must have smacked me pretty hard… I would like to rest."

Cagali nodded and stood up. "I should get back to my house and get some sleep… I have a big meeting early in the morning." She stretched and shot a worried gaze at Kira. "You will be alright, wont you ?"

"Ill be fine, Cagali. Besides, i'm in a hospital"

Cagali hesitated a bit, but seeing Kira's peaceful expression she nodded and vacated the room, closing the door behind her. Lacus had already gone home one hour ago. She was surprised that Lacus didn't wait for Kira to wake up, but she said she wanted to get some rest, and since she did look tired, Cagali hadn't objected.

She looked over her shoulder to Kira's room. _He said he will be alright… he's a coordinator after all. _That thought calmed her down a bit and she started to climb down the stairs, to go home and get the little sleep that was left for her tonight.

Kira sighed heavily and leaned back on the bed, placing his hand on his head, closing his eyes. _So much for being a coordinator… can a coordinator even get a cancer ?_ Foolish question. He was there lying with one.

_So…two days. I have to stay here for two days till the operation So all these thoughts are bothering me because I have a cancer in my brain ? Ill have to thank Athrun for hitting me on the head, otherwise we would have never found out, before it would be too late._

Kira frowned at that thought. _Too late ? I don't even know if its not too late already. After all the doctor said there can be two outcomes if the operation succeeds. _He sighed and opened his eyes, looking up at the ceiling.

"I sure wish all those memories would stop bothering me…" he quietly muttered and yawned. His head still felt heavy. _Ill have to remind myself never to anger Athrun again. Athrun… I'm not angry at you for breaking up with Cagali… we cant control how our heart feels…Athrun…I hope you and Meyrin will be happy…_

_I… I still want to apologize to her…to you…darn…_ The feeling of guilt hurt him more than the aching head. He wanted to apologize to both of them… but he had no idea what to say… or will Athrun ever forgive him… or Meyrin… or even talk to him for that matter.

Kira sighed and closed his eyes, feeling tired and feeling he would fall asleep any second now. He had a lot of time to think of things to say and how to apologize to his old friend.

* * *

Athrun moved slightly and winked in discontent. The sun shining trough Meyrin's room's window was really irritating. He slowly opened his eyes and glared at the window with irritation. _And just why didn't I get curtains for this room in the first place, especially after Meyrin told me about the sun ?_

Meyrin. That thought brought his attention away from the sun and curtains, and turned it to the girl sleeping beside him. Athrun smiled at the fact that at least this time she was still there. He carefully moved the arm he had been holding around her and sat up.

The injury on his hand started to hurt, but Athrun paid it no heed. He gently moved her hair away from her face and placed his hand on Meyrin's forehead. It seemed a tad warmer than it should be. _Looks like she will have a slight fever after all._

Carefully, not to wake her, Athrun slowly got out of the bed and proceeded to the door. He slowly turned the handle and stepped outside, quietly closing the door behind him, after catching one final glance of Meyrin. He yawned, then started to walk downstairs, to prepare breakfast and find some medicine.

After finding the medicine he started to prepare the breakfast. He decided to cook some eggs and bacon. While cooking he thought about what happened yesterday. His talk with Lacus. Athrun only shook his head. How in the world she could see inside people was beyond him.

At first he was unsure how to feel about their talk, but now he was glad they did talk. Then his talk with Cagali. _Cagali._ Athrun twitched at that thought. What was his true feelings for her ? Cagali's for him ? He didn't know, but one thing he knew for both cases. _Not as strong as I thought they are._

_Perhaps Lacus was right – perhaps they were trying to cling to the past. Cagali seemed to understand… she even told me to go after Meyrin…_

Athrun was surprised that that he didn't feel too sad about breaking up with Cagali again. And he was glad that she didn't seem too upset either. He was expecting a lot of tears from her and regrets from himself – but in the end there was neither.

_Maybe…maybe it was for the best. Perhaps I and Cagali were never meant for each other. There was a time that I could love her, but… _words that he himself had said one day to Cagali crossed his mind. _There are things even I can understand, but can't accept._

Athrun sighed at that thought, realizing how deeply those words reflected what he felt. He knew that she left him for the good of her country. That she didn't do it with pleasure. He understood that. His mind understood that. But his heart couldn't accept it. No matter how logical it all sounded, his heart still couldn't accept that she had thrown him aside for her country in an instant.

_I guess that's when my love for her ended… I guess we can be close friends… but nothing more. And it seems she understands that as well. I need to move on, and so does she._

And just like Lacus had said – he had someone to move on to. Someone he had barely noticed, someone his heart had noticed. Quite strongly at that. But his mind was too busy trying to sort out things to let him to notice it. It took Lacus to open his eyes.

Meyrin… she had tossed everything she had aside to help him - a man she trusted with all her heart, despite the fact that he had barely spoken to her. Athrun remembered how he had protected Meyrin when the GOUF was falling in to the ocean with his body.

He remembered that his first words when waking up at the Archangel later, all bandaged up were – how is Meyrin. He remembered the relief he felt when he learned she was safe. Then she took care of him the whole time – she helped him walk around, she tended to his wounds, she was by his side all this time. And yet he was too blind to notice it.

Only yesterday he had his eyes opened. Only yesterday, when he saw Meyrin slipping over the railing, he realized how scared he had felt. _If I wouldn't have made it in time, she would have been…_Athrun's hand clinched in to a fist and trembled lightly.

Athrun took in a deep breath and tried to calm down, slowing down his heartbeat, that had jumped up for some reason.

His relationship with Cagali couldn't happen because of various reasons. The war, her being a representative of ORB, the fact that her country meant more to her than him… all those circumstances ensured that their relationship wouldn't last.

This time… it was different. This time there was no war. Meyrin had left her country just to stay by his side. He had no country that would get in the way anyway. He didn't have a job – he didn't need to work. He had all the time in the world, and so did she. There wouldn't be anything that would get in the way should they form a family.

Athrun froze at disbelief about what he had just thought. _Family ? Zala, you must be really losing it. _He pictured himself living with Meyrin, peacefully spending their time in a small house, two kids running around and playing, laughter filling the room…

Athrun just shook his head at that thought. _Do I really like her that much ? Would I really want to spend my life with her? _The previous image seemed to be the answer to that question. _I guess I do, huh ?_ Such thoughts had never crossed his mind, neither with Lacus, nor Cagali.

_Looks like Lacus was right again, saying that I care for Meyrin more than I had cared for her or Cagali. _

Athrun's thoughts drifted back to the moment when he carried Meyrin away from the balcony and Kira had appeared. _Kira…_ Athrun growled. He had no idea what had gotten in to his friend in the last time, but he sure as hell didn't like it. Kira really seemed out of it.

_Maybe I should ask Lacus…I bet she knows something._ Image of Kira charging towards Meyrin in his arms came back to him. After a few seconds Athrun came to himself and realized he was breathing heavily, and that he was gripping the handle of frying pan so tightly, that his fingers were starting to turn white.

Athrun decided it was time to stop thinking so much about yesterday. Firstly – because it made his head hurt and made him remember some things he wish he wouldn't have experienced. And secondly – the eggs and bacon were starting to burn.

Athrun quickly removed them from the pan and placed them on a plate. Then he filled a glass with apple juice – Meyrin's favorite, took the medicine and proceeded upstairs. He carefully opened the door and walked inside.

Meyrin was still sleeping. Athrun moved over to the bed and placed the plate and glass on a small table near the bed. Then he sat on the bed, once again gently placing his hand on Meyrin's forehead. It seemed a bit warmer than before. Athrun sighed and looked at Meyrin's face with worry in his emerald eyes.

Meyrin moved slightly and let out a weak groan. Athrun removed his hand from her forehead and leaned towards her. "Meyrin ?" he asked with a soft voice. "Meyrin ?"

Meyrin slowly opened her eyes and blinked a few times, trying to figure out where she was. First thing she saw was a bright light, that made her eyes hurt. _Am i… dead ?_ was the first thought that came across her head. Everything sure felt real enough. Even her headache.

Apparently not. _But…why ? how?_ As her eyes adjusted to the light she could clearly see the room she was lying in. It sure look like the room in Athrun's house she used to stay in. _Athrun's house ? Why…am I here ?_

"Meyrin? Are you ok ?"

Meyrin's eyes suddenly widened a bit, as she recognized the voice. She turned her head and blinked in confusion. Athrun was sitting beside her, looking at her with worried expression.

"A…Athrun ?"

Suddenly her memory of the previous evening returned to her – how she went to the Attha mansion. How she watched Athrun dance with Cagali. How she ran among the hallways. How she was falling over the railing.

At that thought she suddenly sat up, causing her to feel a bit dizzy, startling Athrun in the process. Tears were starting to gather in her eyes again. In the past days it seemed she cried more often than not.

"Athrun…i… why…am I here…? What happened ?"

Athrun was at a loss what to do. Of all the things in the world he didn't want her to cry. Her eyes were already red from all the crying she had done in the past few days. He took her hand in his, making her look at him. "Meyrin…why ? Why did you try to…? Why did you run away… ? I…I barely made it in time…i… if I would have been a few seconds late, you would have been…." Athrun's eyes were watering, much to his own surprise.

_Barely made it in time ? Does that mean…that he… stopped me, before I …_

"Meyrin…why ?" Athrun quietly asked, while gripping her hand tighter. There was so much sadness in his eyes. Sadness, confusion… fear. She had never seen him like this. The sight alone made her want to cry more. _Was he worried… about me ?_

"I…I don't know." She answered with a trembling voice, shaking her head. "I…I just…didn't want to …live…"

Athrun's hearth stopped at those words. "Meyrin !...why …why would you do that ?"

"i…i…" she felt like her heart would fall apart. She had to say… once for all…how she felt, her heart couldn't take it anymore.

"I dint want to live without you, Athrun". Athrun froze at these words, staring blankly at her salt-blue eyes. Meyrin bowed down her head and continued in trembling voice, tears streaming down her face "All I wanted… was just to…be with you. I …I just wanted to be with you.

But what … what could I possibly offer to you ?... i..i don't have anything…i…i'm just a burden to you….i… I was just happy to be able to be close to you…i… But all I do… is get in the way… I don't want to get in your way…i… I didn't want to be in your and Cagali's way…i…

But …i'm being a burden just by being here…i… if people think of me…like… like I would only want your money…or… " She shook her head, clinching the blanket with her left hand. "I'm just being more of a burden… if…if people think that of me…it…it might end up inconvenient to you… i…

I understand I can never be with you…i… I know you can never be mine…I … I just…just … forgive me, Athrun… forgive me that I love you… its selfish of me… i… i know you belong to Cagali…i… forgive me, Athrun.

I…just didn't want to live without you…i…I should go… don't worry about me…i…"

Athrun was listening in a shock, unable to bear the sight of Meyrin who had broken down on the bed crying, her body shaking lightly, her hand clinching the blanket, while the other one was clinching his hand.

Tears were starting to fall down Athrun's face, as he heard the Meyrin quietly sobbing. His heart couldn't take the sight of the young, fragile girl crying her heart out in front of him. He couldn't bare the things she said. _Why…why does she always think so bad…of herself ? Why… why didn't she just tell me before…that she…_

"Forgive me, Athrun…i…I will go…I shouldn't be with you, I understand that…i…"

Meyrin tried to stand up, but was suddenly pulled back by Athrun. She was surprised when Athrun pulled her in to an embrace.

Athrun placed his head on her shoulder, wrapping his arms closely around her, pulling her close to him.

"Why…why do you say such things, Meyrin ? Why…why do you always think so lowly of yourself ? Why do you think I would want you to leave ?"

Meyrin buried her head in Athrun's chest, her hand that was previously gripping the blanket was now gripping Athrun's shirt.

"But …but I will only get in the way of you and Cagali...i'm nothing but a burden for you by living here…what Kira said…"

"Forget what Kira said! Why would it matter what that idiot says ? Does it matter more than what I say ?" Athrun realized he was yelling. "Meyrin…sorry, please forgive me…I didn't mean to…i…please, don't mention Kira… nor what he said… it doesn't matter, ok ?"

Still sobbing, Meyrin slowly nodded her head and calmed down a bit. She felt safe in his arms. The feeling that Athrun was right there with her seemed to calm her down. But she still was shaking a bit.

"But…Athrun, I can't stay here…i… I feel that i'm a burden to you… and you are with Cagali now…I should…"

"You will not go" Athrun announced, wrapping his arms even tighter around her. "Meyrin, i'm not with Cagali. And have I ever made you feel that you are a burden ?"

"What… do you mean...not with Cagali ? You are engaged, and…"

Athrun slowly shook his head, feeling happy that Meyrin seemed to have calmed down a bit. "No, we are not. Not any more. Stop saying that you are a burden. You are not. And even if you were, that's a burden I would gladly bear."

Meyrin looked up at his emerald eyes, filled with tears, looking down on her with kindness and sadness.

"Athrun, what do you mean…you are not with Cagali ? You two were dancing that night, i…"

"Meyrin, that day I realized a lot of things. I realized that Cagali and I are simply not meant for each other. She felt the same way I guess." Athrun had stopped crying and was regaining his usual calmness.

"We were just trying to find something that never existed I guess. We are not engaged any more, Meyrin."

Meyrin couldn't help but feel a little bit guilty about the fact that she felt her heart take a leap as she heard what Athrun was saying. She didn't think it would mean that he wants to be with her, no. But it still gave her a little hope in the heart. A slightly positive feeling, if nothing more.

But she still couldn't turn down the reality. That she had nothing. Nothing at all besides her life. Why would Athrun ever want to be with a girl like that ? Its not like Athrun cared about that in the slightest, but Meyrin couldn't see that.

"Athrun…forgive me please. I..i know its wrong that i…love you". There! She had said it again. "I…I know I can never be with you, but "

_Why does she keep saying that ? Why does she think so lowly of herself ? Does she think… that I actually care about the fact that she has nothing in her life ?Does she really think that I wouldn't like her because of that ?How can I make her understand ?_

"Meyrin" Athrun quietly said, while placing his finger on her lips, to make her stop talking. Meyrin looked really surprised and confused. _Is he angry ? what is he going to do ? Did I say something I shouldn't have ? I never should have told I loved him, i.._

"I would never ask you to leave. I…I don't want you to leave. Stay…please ?" Athrun removed his finger from her lips and looked deep in to her salty blue eyes. The eyes that had cried so much over him for the last days. The eyes he was too blind to notice. _I have always screwed up things… I …I wont let that happen this time._

_I have kept quiet so many times when I should have said something. I have always known what to say, but I rarely did. I won't let that get in the way this time._

_Stay ? He…he wants me to stay ? But why would he want that ? _"Athrun…why…why do you want me to stay ?" she asked, her voice trembling a bit, showing that she was a bit scared to ask something like this.

Athrun was struck dumb with such a straight question. Of course he knew the answer, but as always, he couldn't get himself to say it. _Get a hold of yourself, Zala. I said myself that this will not get in the way._

"I...um…" he turned his head away "I… I like that you are here…i…like you."

Meyrin looked at Athrun, who was still facing away, with light shade of pink in his cheeks. She felt so happy that she could squeal from happiness, if she wouldn't be too busy being happy. Those words, although not anything grand made her heart pound faster.

_He… he likes that i'm here? He likes me ?He actually likes me ?_ These words made her heart race, she felt like she would cry again. This time from happiness. Athrun actually liked her being with him. He actually liked her. That was more than she had ever hoped for.

She rested her head against Athrun's chest and started to sob quietly. Athrun was confused by her starting to cry again. He hoped he hadn't said anything to upset her. "Meyrin, is something wrong ? I'm sorry if I said anything that… "

He stopped when he saw Meyrin shake her head and look up at him with her teary eyes. Eyes filled with happiness and shine, that seemed to reflect depths of her heart. He had almost never seen her this happy. Only on her birthday when he gave her the necklace.

"Thank you, Athrun" was all she said. That was all that was needed to calm Athrun down. The look in her eyes, the soft and joyful voice in which she said it, the fact that she wasn't shaking anymore – it all calmed him down.

Athrun smiled at her and slowly pushed her away and reached to the table near the bed. Meyrin felt a little disappointed when she left his embrace – she liked to be held like him. She felt like she could stay in his arms for all eternity. She felt safe and happy being there.

Athrun took the pills and the glass of juice and turned to Meyrin. "Here, take these. You have a slight fever, we should do something about it before it gets worse." This brought up a funny memory at his mind – him lying sick on the bed at Archangel and Meyrin taking care of him. This time it was the other way around.

Meyrin took the pills and swallowed them, then she took the glass and drank a bit of the juice. "Thank you" she nodded her head and looked at Athrun with grateful look. Athrun chuckled a little "Hey, don't look like that. It was only some medicine. Oh, are you hungry ? I baked some eggs and bacon in case you would be."

_He is so nice to me… he is like a dream. And he actually likes me ? Please…don't let this be a dream. _She started to feel like she was being a burden again.

"Athrun, thank you so much. You shouldn't have done that just for me." Her stomach growled a bit, making her blush like a cherry. Athrun smiled at her, thinking how cute she looks when she blushes.

"Looks like I should have. And its no problem, so don't worry about it, ok ?"

"Thank you" Meyrin wiped her face in the sleeve of her shirt. _A green shirt ?_ "Athrun, isn't this our shirt i'm wearing ?"

Athrun froze on the spot at that question, his face turning red like it would have been painted with red. "Am…i…you see…um…. " Athrun felt like falling trough the floor right about now. But it seemed like the floor didn't want to cooperate.

Surprised at Athrun's reaction Meyrin slightly nodded her head to the right, confused look on her face. "Athrun, are you ok ?"

Athrun's face gained another shade of red. "I…um… when I carried you back yesterday…you were soaked in rain, so…i…I changed your clothes." Athrun explained while stuttering, turning his head aside. He would blush even more if that would be possible. "Um…all of them".

Meyrin realized she is not wearing a bra, or panties for that matter. Her face turned just as red as Athrun's, she gasped and looked at Athrun with shocked look in her eyes.

"I…um…i'm really sorry…i… I just couldn't leave you in wet clothes…i…sorry." Athrun quickly walked out of the room, feeling like he would die from embarrassment on the spot. It certainly didn't help that certain images popped up at his head.

Athrun quickly hurried over to bathroom and washed his face with cold water. _What will she think of me ? she must think i'm some kind of pervert. Oh god, how am I going to explain this to her…_

Meyrin was sitting on the bed, her cheeks red and burning, and it was not from the fever. _He…changed all my clothes ? Meaning he saw me…naked ? _She also felt like she would die from embarrassment. Of course she didn't consider Athrun a pervert or anything close to that for that matter.

Meyrin had always been extremely shy, unlike her sister. She hadn't even kissed before, and now someone had seen her naked. The only thing that kept her from dying from embarrassment was the fact that this someone was Athrun. Had it been someone else she would have probably fainted from learning this.

After sitting like that for a few minutes, red like a tomato she calmed down a bit. _Calm down, Meyrin… its…its not like the world has ended, right ?I mean… its not like he watched on purpose, right ? I…I wonder … what he thought. He…did he …like what he saw? He… did he like it…did he find me ugly …?_

Athrun had certainly liked it enough for it to bother him whole previous evening before he fell asleep. Meyrin was beautiful, and that was clear to probably anyone, but her.

She shook her head, trying not to think. _Stop it, why am I thinking things like these ? _She sighed, hearing her stomach growl again. So, Athrun had seen her naked. It's not like that fact could be changed. She felt surprised that she was wondering more about the fact whether Athrun found her attractive than the fact that he had seen her without clothes.

It was very unlike her, being as shy as she was. Still being a tad pinker on the cheeks than usual she started to eat the breakfast Athrun had brought her, thinking of what to say to Athrun later.

Athrun was sitting on the sofa downstairs, thinking the same thing. He slid his finger trough his hair and took a deep breath. _Aaaargh. What am I going to say to her ? She must hate me now. Darn!. _

* * *

He sat there , blankly looking at one spot for a long time. When he finally came to, it was evening already. Athrun widened his eyes and looked at the clock. 9 pm. _What the hell ? I have been sitting here all day ?_ He couldn't even remember what he was thinking about.

Pretty annoyed he got up and stretched. Feeling a bit hungry he decided to go get something to eat. While making some sandwiches he sighed heavily. He had just wasted a whole day doing nothing. _Wasted ? Not like I have anything specific to do anyway._

And what bothered him more than the fact he had just wasted a day – he still had no idea what to say to Meyrin. _Meyrin…I wonder how she is doing. Maybe I should go check on her._ Athrun decided not to, since he had no idea what to say to her. With a heavy sigh he walked back to the sofa, sat down and turned on TV to watch some news.

He ate his sandwiches and realized he isn't following the news at all. He was about to turn the TV off when he heard someone walking up behind him. Meyrin slowly walked up to him, obviously looking unsure of herself. "Good evening, Athrun."

"Um…yea, evening" Athrun replied, realizing how stupid he just sounded. He frowned at himself.

"Um…may I sit down ?"

"Of course you can.. Why would you need to ask permission ?"

Meyrin nodded and sat beside Athrun, noticing how nervous he was.

They sat for a moment in silence, when Athrun took in a deep breath and looked at Meyrin, sitting beside him. "Look, Meyrin…i…um…i'm really sorry about yesterday, I just… I couldn't leave you in wet clothes…i…I understand if you are angry with me and don't want to see me, so i…"

"Athrun, you… you don't need to apologize, I … it was my fault anyway, so…"

Athrun sighed with relief that Meyrin didn't seem changed much. _She is not angry at me ? Thank god._

"No, Meyrin, i'm sorry. You must feel very embarrassed about it, i…I just… sorry. Can you forgive me ?" he looked at her with his emerald eyes in a pleading manner. Meyrin felt like she could melt from that look. She couldn't be angry at him even if she wanted to, and she didn't want that.

"Athrun, you don't need to apologize, you didn't do anything wrong…if it will make you feel better I forgive you, although i'm not angry at you or anything."

Athrun felt like a huge weight was lifted from his shoulders. "Thank you" he nodded, smiling slightly, then slowly placed his arm on her forehead. Seemed like the fever was gone. "How are you feeling ?"

"Thank you, I guess i'm feeling better" She looked like she was hesitating, then she slowly leaned against Athrun's chest, almost frightened look on her face, expecting that he would push her off. Seeing how that didn't happen she looked at Athrun and looked in to his eyes.

He seemed happy. Something he rarely looked like. He was smiling his charming smile while looking down at her. A true smile, not the small smiles or grins he usually showed, but a true, genuine smile.

Meyrin lied down on the sofa next to Athrun, turning so that her back was resting against his chest now. "Athrun… do you really want me to stay ? I would love to stay, but… I just don't understand what could you possibly like In me, i…"

"Meyrin, please stop thinking so lowly of yourself. What could I like about you ? Is there anything I should not like ? You are the kindest person I have met, Meyrin. You always think of others. You threw away everything… just to be beside me… a man you barely knew.

All that time on Archangel you took care of me, you have always taken care of me. You have done more for me than anyone else ever had, without expecting anything in return. You have a very kind heart, Meyrin." He was speaking with a soft voice, while stroking her red hair. "And yes, I …I would like you to stay".

Meyrin turned to her right and looked up at Athrun. He was rarely so talkative. She was very happy to her Athrun say again that he wants her to stay. She could hear his heartbeats, while leaning against his chest.

"You are beautiful, Meyrin" Athrun quietly said, while stroking her hair and looking in to her eyes. Meyrin felt heat gathering up in her cheeks. _He…he finds me attractive ? He… really likes me ?_

"Athrun, I " She fell silent as Athrun gently placed a finger under her chin and lifted it up, slowly leaning down towards her. "Athrun…" Meyrin closed her eyes and slowly moved her head closer to Athrun.

Athrun slowly brought his lips to hers, and kissed her softly, while holding her chin up and stroking her hair. Meyrin felt like she was flying in the air. His touch… his lips meeting hers in a gentle kiss… it made butterflies dance in her stomach and her head swim. She would gladly stay like this for ever.

After few moments Athrun slowly backed away and smiled at her again. Meyrin was slightly blushing, making her look so cute in Athrun's eyes that he could just melt away.

"I hope this is not a dream" Meyrin quietly spoke up, leaning her back against his chest again and looking up at him.

Athrun smiled back at her "It's not. I promise that."

Meyrin was about to say something but something caught her attention – the TV was starting to play a song. It was one of Lacus songs, a beautiful and sad melody – Fields of hope.

Athrun placed his hands around her slim body, pulling her closer to him. Meyrin truly felt like she was living a dream. This all was more than she had ever hoped for. Her first kiss… it was as perfect as they come. She was with the man she loved more than anything, and for the first time she felt that maybe the hopes and dreams she had for well over 6 months now were coming true.

Athrun was listening to the song, holding Meyrin close to him. He really liked her. Now he fully understood what Lacus had said. He had never felt like this before. Meyrin was just like something he would need in his life – limitlessly kind and caring, she was gentle like summer winds. Someone who had given all to be with him.

And he felt he could do the same for her. He would never let anything happen to her. He had never felt so relaxed, so at peace as he felt now, lying here with the red haired girl resting against his chest, listening to the soothing song.

Athrun leaned his head down and whispered in to her ear the words that Meyrin wouldn't even dare to dream about hearing. "I love you, Meyrin" Athrun quietly spoke and placed a gentle kiss on her cheek.

Meyrin felt like she was floating in heaven. This was indeed the best day in her life. And to think that yesterday she tried to end this life… at this thought she cuddled closer to Athrun, and they both lied there, listening to the beautiful song, enjoying the magical moment.

When the song ended Athrun looked down on Meyrin and noticed she was asleep. With a smile on his face he reached after the remote and turned the TV off. For a moment he was about to carry Meyrin to her bed, but he changed his mind.

He didn't want to disturb her, and quite frankly – he liked her there – in his arms. Athrun was glad that he hadn't turned on the lights – he wouldn't be able to turn them off without getting up. He grabbed a blanket that was located on the floor, near the sofa and pulled it over them.

"good night, Meyrin" He quietly said and lightly kissed her on the forehead, then placed his arm around her again and leaned back his head to get ready for sleep. Despite his not so comfortable pose he felt so content as he couldn't remember feeling at all. He fell asleep with a smile on his face, with smiling Meyrin sleeping on his chest.

* * *

A/N:

Weee, another one done. Hope you all don't hate me yet, at least too much :D hope you liked the chapter, will update in 3 days(i think)my eyes are starting to hurt from the constant sitting in front of a screen :D R&R please, I really appreciate the comments, both good and bad :D


	7. Chapter 7

A/N:

Thanks for the reviews, I like them all :) I'm pleased that there are people that like my story, especially seeing how this is my first fic :D

So, here you go – chapter 7, hope you like it.

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

Lacus slowly sat on her bed, battling the various emotions in her heart, trying to think straight for a moment. She was very shocked to learn about Kira's problem. She could have never guessed that the memories and the strange behavior he displayed at times could be a result of a cancer in his brain.

She laid back on the bed, her pink hair reaching in all directions and blankly stared at the ceiling. "Kira" she softly spoke, placing her hand on her chest, trying to hold back tears as she remembered the conversation with the doctor, and his explanation on the two outcomes the operation could lead to.

She was extremely worried about him, she could feel her heart race, as she held her hand on her chest.

"_If his brain would be badly damaged already, the effect won't disappear, but will continue to get worse even after the cancer is removed. In other words, we are almost certain that the cancer's removal will be successful, but we have no idea if this will improve your brother's condition."_

She felt tears gathering in her eyes as she remembered those words. _Kira… you will be fine, right ? You… that won't happen to you, right ?You must be alright. _He had to be alright. He just had to. He had always been. He had survived when Athrun self destructed Aegis in Kira's face.

He had survived in his battle against Rau. He had survived when Freedom was destroyed. He had survived both wars, while being in the thick of all it. He had survived the death of Fllay. After all that nothing like this will break him, right ? _But what if it does ?_

Lacus gasped at that thought and unconsciously grasped her dress on her chest. The words "_If his brain would be badly damaged already, the effect won't disappear, but will continue to get worse even after the cancer is removed" _deeply echoedin her heart and mind, leaving a trail of worries and fear.

Worse? What did the doctor mean by worse? How could it get any worse than this? Kira had already attacked a person – his own best friend. A picture of bleeding Athrun leaning against a wall, with unconscious Meyrin on his hands crossed her mind, making Lacus close her eyes, trying to hold back tears.

How could that be worse? _Could…could Kira attack random people ? Could he attack Athrun again ?Or Meyrin ? Could… could he attack me ? _Lacus wasn't worried about Athrun or Meyrin that much – she knew Athrun and knew he wouldn't hesitate to protect Meyrin and himself, and he was more than capable of doing so.

_But… what if Kira would attack me… what would I do ? i…" _She gasped as if realizing what she was thinking, placing her other hand on her chest. _Stop thinking like that…why am I thinking of such horrible things ? After all, Kira will be fine. I know he will. _

But why wasn't she with Kira now ? She had gone home without waiting for Kira to wake up, telling Cagali that she was tired. She was tired. But that would never keep her away. So why ? Truth is she just wanted to think. About herself and Kira.

She knew she loved him. She loved him a lot, she had loved him for well over two years now. She really liked to be with him. But she had never been sure about his feelings. He seemed to care for her. He was always there, supporting her, helping her.

_But does he…love me ? _She never knew that. To her it seemed like he acted more like a big brother of hers. He seemed to care for her deeply, but was that love ? She wasn't sure of that. And the fact that Athrun had said that Kira most likely doesn't, didn't help matters either. She knew he was hurt deeply by Fllay's death.

She understood he needed time to get over that. She was ready to wait, ready to stay by his side to help him get over it, in any way possible. Remembering her talk with Athrun Lacus smiled sadly, closing her eyes.

She reminded herself of Meyrin in a way – she always stayed with Kira, just like Meyrin had always stayed with Athrun. She had always stayed by Kira's side, and he hadn't pushed her away, meaning he didn't mind her being there. Just like Meyrin and Athrun. But she could tell that Athrun had feelings for Meyrin, he just couldn't understand that because of his past.

But she was not sure of Kira's feelings. She could not read him, unlike she could do with Athrun. The only person who probably could read Kira was Athrun. And he had said that Kira probably doesn't love her. _Probably… but that doesn't mean certainly, right ?_

She remembered Athrun walking away, carrying Meyrin in his arms – in the end he seemed to have chosen her, he had chosen to get over his past. Lacus took off her dress and slipped under the blanked and placed her head on her soft pillow, a small smile on her beautiful face.

She really did seem like Meyrin in a way. And in the end Athrun had chosen to let go of his past and be with Meyrin. Maybe… maybe Kira will also let go of his past and will walk towards with her in his arms. She giggled a bit at the thought, feeling better. She decided to visit Kira tomorrow, to see how he is doing.

Lacus turned over to other side, hugging her pillow and slowly fell asleep, smiling to her self and her thoughts.

* * *

The guestroom had no windows, so the sun wasn't a problem this time. Athrun smirked at that thought, wondering why he hadn't simply bought curtains for the Meyrin's room. He decided that he will today. _I wonder what color she would like… I guess its just better to take her with me and let her pick for herself – otherwise ill just pick something dumb._

But as things were now, he couldn't go to no shop, or anywhere at all for that matter. He had been awake for about a hour now and hadn't moved an inch. The reason was that Meyrin was still asleep, cuddling against his chest like a cat, and Athrun didn't want to disturb her.

His neck was a bit stiff from lying in an uncomfortable position, but at least Meyrin looked comfortable, and he sure could tolerate a stiff neck if that was what it took to make her happy. He was gently looking down on the sleeping Meyrin, while slowly stroking her hair, barely touching it, afraid to wake her.

He had no idea why he was doing it, but he liked to do that. Her red hair was soft and gentle, just like her personality. Athrun closed his emerald eyes and smiled deeply, realizing how much he actually liked this peaceful moment of his life. He had always been on a rush. When he was engaged to Lacus he had barely the time to see her.

He was always busy with missions and battles, he was busy fighting a war. _No wonder that I ended up nowhere with Lacus, I barely had any time to see her once in a while. I was always away, busy killing people and destroying what I believed was the enemy. No wonder she couldn't love someone who came to see her once in month for few hours, only to be going to the next bloodshed later. _

_No wonder she chose Kira. _The sudden question that Lacus had asked him about Kira's feelings made him uneasy. Athrun wasn't sure he had done the right thing to give Lacus the answer he did. It's not that he doubted the answer. _Why did she ask me ? It's not like it's hard to figure out Kira. He never hides his feelings. _

But still she had asked. And he knew the answer he gave hurt her. Despite her ability to hide her feelings it was obvious how deeply she cared for Kira. But he was certain that Kira, despite caring for her, didn't love her. He never seemed to be able to get that girl out of his head. _Kira…_

Athrun's eyes narrowed thinking about his old friend, as he felt the wound on his arm ache a bit. He had no idea what had gotten in to Kira, but he sure didn't like it. _I'll make sure to call Lacus later and ask her about this. _Lacus… _I hope she is alright…_

Athrun opened his eyes and took in a deep breath. Thinking about Kira made him upset and angry, and he didn't want that now. He looked at Meyrin and soft smile slowly returned to his face. Yes, war had gotten in his way when he was with Lacus. War and country had gotten in his way when he was with Cagali.

All that was gone now, it didn't exist. There was no war this time, he had no obligations to fulfill, had no fights to fight. He was finally given the opportunity to live in pace, which was robbed from his childhood. Now he had all the time in the world, and the beautiful young girl lying against his chest, small smile on her lips. She seemed happy to be there.

And he was happy as well. For the first time he had the chance to live a normal life, and he felt that he will truly enjoy it. It had been a while since he had been able to lay down and have no worries at all, without having to think about anything in particular. And he loved the feeling, just as he loved the girl lying in his arms.

Athrun was surprised at himself that he had said that to her yesterday, but he was glad he did. He had always kept quiet when he should have said something, and he was glad he had said the words he did. He was sure he was not wrong to say them.

Meyrin slowly moved and turned to her other side, making some of her hair fall on to her face. Athrun gently brushed her hair aside, afraid to wake her in the process. She had her hair straight down instead of the usual pigtails, and he had to admit it suited her. She looked really beautiful like this. Of course she looked good with her pigtails as well, but Athrun liked this better.

He slowly slid his hand trough her hair, once again amazed how soft and gentle it was. "Mmmmm" Meyrin slowly opened her eyes a bit and yawned sleepily, then slowly turned her head while rubbing one eye with her hand, still looking oblivious to her surroundings.

Athrun smiled at the sight, remembering how sleepy Meyrin was during mornings. "Good morning, Meyrin" he spoke with a soft voice, taking his hand off her hair.

"A… Athrun ?" Meyrin sleepily asked, stopping to rub her eye and looked up at Athrun, her vision still a bit blurry. She could hear his steady heartbeat. _Heartbeat…_ Realizing her head was resting on Athrun's chest she quickly sat up with a little yelp, looking a bit scared.

"Athrun, i'm very sorry, i…"

Athrun's eyes widened in surprise at her words. "Sorry? For what?"

"I..i must have fallen asleep yesterday while resting against you…sorry. I…I didn't mean to use you as a pillow" She bowed down her head, looking sad and worried.

Athrun just sighed and put his hand on her shoulder, forcing her to look up at him. For a moment from her looks he had thought it would be something serious. The thought that she had used him as a pillow didn't upset him at all, quite contrary. _Why does she always find something to apologize for? Especially about things I don't mind at all._

Now that he thought about it, she had never apologized for something he would have been upset about in the slightest. Not that he had ever been upset with her about anything in the first place. He looked in to her salty-blue eyes and smiled at her.

"Why do you think I would be upset about that? I didn't mind at all." _Actually, I guess I liked it._ Unexpected to him Meyrin suddenly lied back against his chest, gripping his shirt, as if being afraid that he would disappear.

"Athrun, i…I was scared. I thought that it was only a dream…I … it was too good to be true."

Relieved look on his face Athrun placed his hands around her and placed his head on hers, and spoke with a soft voice "Meyrin, I told you yesterday that it is not a dream. I'm not going to disappear anywhere, and neither will you, so please, don't worry, ok ? You have cried far too much already."

Meyrin nodded and seemed to have calmed down, so Athrun let go of her. She was a bit disappointed to feel his arms leave her but she was happy about the thing he had just said. First of all she was happy that this hadn't turned out to be a dream after all. She was afraid that the thing that happened yesterday was not real – it seemed to be too perfect to be real.

And the words that Athrun had just said – that really meant he didn't want her to leave. She was happy to hear that, which was shown on her face. Noticing that Athrun smiled in relief and kissed her on a cheek, making her blush wildly. He once again couldn't help but note how cute she looked when she blushed.

He got up from the sofa and stretched, massaging his stiff neck. "Meyrin, why don't you go and take a shower, ill make us a breakfast. After that we will go shopping if you don't have anything else planned, ok?"

Meyrin was about to protest that she should be the one to make breakfast, but the second part made her confused. "Shopping?" she nodded her head to the right slightly, looking at Athrun with confused look. Athrun nodded and looked back at her with his emerald eyes.

"I think it's about time we get some curtains for your room, that should solve the sun problem in the mornings. I really don't know why I didn't think of this sooner. Sorry. Besides " he turned his head to side and blushed slightly "we can go get you some more clothes, so you can have a bigger choice of what to wear. I…its not that I don't like what you wear, it's just that…I thought you might like that, sorry."

Meyrin continued to look at him with confusion on her face for a short moment, then a smile replaced the confused look. Of course she loved shopping, especially since she rarely, if ever had the time to go shopping during the war.

She stood up and went over to Athrun and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you, Athrun. You are sweet." Athrun blushed at that comment. No one had ever called him sweet.

"Um… it's no problem…really…"

"But, you must let me do one thing" she said with a serious voice.

Athrun raised an eyebrow and looked her in to the eyes. "What's that ?"

Meyrin crossed her arms on her chest and took a serious stance and look on her face. "I will be the one to make breakfast I should do at least something for you".

Athrun stared at her for a few moments, then he started to chuckle. "Fine, I surrender" he lifted his hands in the air, backing away one step. He was being playful. Something you don't see every day. A memory of him and Meyrin going to the restaurant came back to him. "But there is one thing, Meyrin".

It was Meyrin's turn to look at the blue haired boy with a questioning look. "Yes?" She asked while nodding her head to the right a bit. Athrun had noticed she had a habit of doing so when she was unsure of something.

"You better not be planning on paying for the curtains or anything else we might buy for that matter, ok ? "

Meyrin bowed her head slightly to hide that her cheeks had gained a light shade of pink. Actually she had been thinking of it. "But, Athrun, i…"

Athrun quickly stepped forward and placed his finger on her lips, once again noticing how cute she looks when she blushes. He looked down at her and smiled, gently moving his hand from her lips and placing it on her cheek, and looked in to her eyes.

"Please, Meyrin. It's the very least I can do. There is no need to worry about things like these, ok ?"

Meyrin felt heat rising in her cheeks, and not because of the talk, but because Athrun's hand rested on her cheek. "Athrun, i…' she stopped when she almost pleading look in Athrun's eyes.

She didn't like the idea that she is living in his house _and_ getting her stuff for his money. But Athrun seemed upset every time when she tried to pay for something herself, and the last thing she wanted is for him to be upset, so she simply decided to agree with him on this matter. She didn't know what to say, so she simply nodded her head, and smiled a little when she saw Athrun's face filled with relief.

"but I still get to make the breakfast, so you can go take the shower, Athrun. I will prepare something in the time." Meyrin looked up, placing a finger on her chin, as if thinking something, then she turned her attention to Athrun again. "Um, what would you like for breakfast ?"

The question left Athrun surprised. He had never specified anything about their food and she had never asked, and honestly he didn't care much, since everything that she made was good. Athrun shrugged and looked at Meyrin in a surprised manner. "Anything you make will be fine…um… why did you ask all of a sudden ?"

Meyrin turned her head aside, clearly embarrassed. "I…um…I just wanted to do something…for you. You are so nice to me…and I haven't done anything for you…so…"

"Meyrin, anything is fine. You can make pancakes or something. I'll go take that shower now, ok ?"

"Yes." Meyrin nodded and seemingly happy over the fact that Athrun had specified something he would like, hurried to the kitchen. Athrun watched as the red haired girl go out of the room and sighed heavily, then turned around and started to walk upstairs to the bathroom.

_Will she ever stop thinking like she is in debt to me? Haven't done anything for me …?I wonder how many times I have told her that she has done more for me than anyone else. It makes me feel uncomfortable when she acts like that…" _Athrun rolled his eyes and sighed again before entering the bathroom.

* * *

After he had finished all his morning procedures Athrun moved downstairs towards the kitchen. Once he got there he noticed that Meyrin was already done with the pancakes and now was setting up the table for him. Athrun thanked her and sat down at the table and Meyrin was about to proceed to wash the dishes she had used while making the pancakes.

Athrun shot a surprised glare at her. "Aren't you also going to eat?"

Meyrin turned to face Athrun and looked at the surprised blue haired boy. "I...um… I was short on flour so… I could only make one portion of pancakes. But don't worry, I will be fine, I wasn't that hungry anyway." She happily added and looked in to Athrun's eyes. For some reason they were widened and he was staring at her. "Um…Athrun, are you ok ?"

Athrun sat there blankly staring at Meyrin, slowly processing the thing she had just said. Then he rested his forehead in his hand, placing his elbow on the table and sighed heavily, while shaking his head. After staying like that for a while, with surprised Meyrin looking at him, he slowly stood up and got another plate out of the shelf.

He walked back to the table and placed half the pancakes from his plate on the other one, then placed the plate on the table and turned to Meyrin, who stood there, obviously confused by his actions. "Meyrin, there is no reason for you not to eat also. You think I would feel better after eating the whole thing while knowing that you didn't eat anything?"

Sometimes Athrun couldn't help but wonder how she comes up with the things she does. And this was one of those times. He would rather have her eat all the pancakes and none himself, not the other way around.

Meyrin looked away, embarrassed at the situation. "I… I just… wanted for you to be happy…and…"

Athrun's eyes widened again, as he was listening to what Meyrin was saying. _And she actually thought that I would be happy if I would eat while she stays on empty stomach ? … _"Meyrin, if you want that, then please have breakfast with me, ok ?" he looked at Meyrin with a pleading manner, while holding back a chair for her.

Meyrin just couldn't resist that look of his. The fact that she was hungry didn't help either. And as long as Athrun said that it would make him happy… She sat down on the chair that Athrun was holding back for her and thanked him, while blushing slightly at the situation she had created.

Athrun, obviously content that Meyrin didn't try to 'explain' her actions anymore sat down to have breakfast with Meyrin. She was thinking about the shopping trip with Athrun and that got her excited. Partially because she liked shopping, partially because it was with Athrun. She honestly didn't care where they would go, as long as he would be there.

Athrun had no idea what Meyrin was thinking, but she seemed to have cheered up, and that caused him self to feel better. They didn't talk during the breakfast, and after they were done Meyrin was about to wash the dishes again, but was stopped by two hands wrapping around her from behind.

"Athrun?" she asked with surprise in her voice, while turning back her head to take a look at Athrun.

Athrun smiled at her, looking in to her salty-blue eyes. "Meyrin, just go take that shower, ill handle the dishes, it's not like you have to do everything around here. Besides, we can go shopping faster this way."

Meyrin didn't argue this time. She wanted to go shopping as soon as possible. Plus being held by Athrun was too good to complain about anything at that moment anyway. Athrun let go of her and Meyrin nodded, before heading to the bathroom.

Athrun stood on the spot, his gaze following the red haired girl as she left the kitchen. Her selflessness never seized to amaze him. How a person could have spent a whole war, being the CIC on ZAFTs newest warship, and in the end remain so pure and selfless was beyond him. And that was one of the things that he liked in her so much.

When Meyrin got downstairs again Athrun was already waiting for her in the guestroom. "Ready to go?"

"Yes" Meyrin answered, bright smile on her face, clearly showing how pleased she was with this event. Athrun couldn't help but smile at himself seeing Meyrin so happy. He opened the door and held it open while Meyrin walked outside, then he locked the door and proceeded to holding his car's door open while Meyrin got in to the passenger seat.

* * *

It was a fast drive to the shopping centre , and they didn't talk much, since the traffic was heavy and Athrun was focusing on driving. After parking the car in the parking lot, Athrun held the door open again while Meyrin got out of the car. As they started to walk towards the shopping centre it looked like Meyrin was unsure of something for a second.

Then she quickly shuffled over to walk by Athrun's side, while turning her head and looking at Athrun, as if wanting to see if he would object. Athrun smiled at her in amusement when a thought _this is the first time when she doesn't walk behind me, is it ?_crossed his mind. Smiling at the thought Athrun gently took her elbow and they started to walk towards the entrance.

"So, where to first ?"

"Mhmm ?" was the only answer he got, so he looked at Meyrin, and it looked like her mind was someplace else. And it was – she was just thinking how nice it was to walk beside Athrun, him holding her had, like an actual couple. _Couple? Are we a couple ? I …I hope we are…after all he said he …loves me. He said he wants me to stay. I sure hope he also wants us to be a couple…_

"Meyrin?" This time Athrun's voice woke her up from her thoughts.

"I'm sorry…i… I was thinking of something, did you say something?" She looked up at Athrun, worried that he might be angry that she hadn't heard something he had said, but Athrun simply smiled down at her with a bright smile and tender look in his emerald eyes.

"Where do you want to go first ? We need to get those curtains for your room, looks like we need some groceries as well, and… something new for you to wear… if you want that of course" he quickly added, unsure how she felt about this. "And anything else you would like" he added, looking away from her, slightly embarrassed.

Relieved that Athrun wasn't upset Meyrin quickly returned to her excited and cheerful self. "Well… I think we can go get the curtains first, then … some clothes… and we can go for groceries at the end, if that is ok with you." Having said that she looked at Athrun in a questioning manner.

"Of course its fine, Meyrin. So, shall we go?" Meyrin nodded her head and clinched a bit harder to Athrun's hand, at what he smiled a bit and they proceeded to look for a place that sells curtains.

* * *

Meyrin had been running around the store for about half an hour, looking at all the curtains, trying to figure out which ones she likes and what color to pick, while excitedly telling Athrun how each color would blend in with the room and the rest of the house. She seemed perky today, and it suited her.

Athrun was looking how the red haired girl was running around the store, her eyes sparkling in excitement, as she was telling him about all the curtains. He wasn't really listening – fashion sense wasn't his biggest quality. He was simply watching Meyrin. Only time he had seen her this happy was on her birthday.

At least before that incident. If he could he wanted to make her feel as happy as possible, he didn't like it when she cried, and she had been crying far too much recently. His thoughts were interrupted by Meyrin.

"Athrun, do you like these ?" she asked, while pointing at dark blue curtains, about the same color as his hair.

Athrun nodded his head and looked at Meyrin. "They are fine. More importantly – do you like them ?"

Meyrin nodded her head and tried not to look guilty, which is how she felt inside, since she had chosen the most expensive ones in the store – not that she had noticed it in the beginning and not that Athrun cared any about it. At least he looked like he didn't, and Meyrin hoped that it is how he truly felt.

Actually Athrun didn't even notice the price, let alone compared it to others – he just paid for the curtains without paying much attention to the amount he was paying, took the bag with the curtains, and walked out of the store, while holding Meyrin's elbow with the free hand.

Next was the cloth shop – it was located just a few meters away, so they didn't have to look for it. Athrun was standing outside the dressing booth, while Meyrin was trying on another outfit. She really seemed to enjoy this little shopping trip, and Athrun was glad, though he was bored a little himself, but that didn't matter to him as long as Meyrin was having a good time.

"Athrun, what do you think?" Meyrin was asking him that each time she had put on a new outfit. He didn't know why she asked him, since he was sure his fashion sense was next to non existent.

Meyrin was wearing a short, black skirt that reached down almost to her knees, a light blue blouse whose sleeves ended without reaching the elbows. The top button was unbuttoned, revealing the small, golden, heart shaped necklace Athrun had given her as a present on her birthday, and black shoes. She twirled around two times to give Athrun a better look of the outfit.

Athrun couldn't help but stare at her. Simple clothes looked very good on her, and he had to admit he liked this one a lot better than all the previous outfits she had tried on, which included various dresses for most part. Noticing that Athrun isn't saying anything Meyrin nodded her head to right a bit and looked at Athrun.

"Athrun? Is it that bad ? I kind of liked it, but if you don't like it, I'll…"

Athrun walked up to her and leaned closer, whispering in to her ear. "You're beautiful, Meyrin" and kissed her on a cheek.

Meyrin blushed red like a tomato "I…um…thank you, Athrun" she stammered, while turning her head away, trying to hide her face, that looked like it could reach the color of her hair.

In the end she decided to keep the outfit. She liked it herself, and she certainly liked it since Athrun had said she looks beautiful in it. That wasn't the only thing they bought – Meyrin made Athrun to buy a green Hawaii shirt for himself, with pictures of palm trees all over it.

Athrun wasn't very pleased with the idea of him wearing something like that – he was very fond of his black jacket, and was wearing it despite the fact that it was summer. But he agreed to buy it, because, despite all his complaining of him not liking it, he had to admit that the shirt was quite comfortable, and he didn't want to upset Meyrin.

They finally walked out of the store, with Meyrin wearing her new outfit, and Athrun also kept the shirt on, since Meyrin had said that he looks cute in it. He had never thought that someone could think of him as cute, but he had to admit that he liked being called that, especially by the young girl who was clinging on to his hand, while they were walking towards their car, to place the bag of curtains and their old clothes there.

When they got rid of the bags they proceeded to buy some groceries. They ended up buying quite a lot, Meyrin even bought a raw turkey, whom she said she would cook later. Of course that had to be done with some begging to Athrun, who insisted she shouldn't do something like that just for him, but in the end he let her have her way.

They were walking back to the car again, with Athrun carrying four bags of groceries. Meyrin asked Athrun if he wants her to help him carry those, but seeing that Athrun seemed almost insulted by such a question she quickly dropped the subject. When they had placed the bags in their car, Athrun turned to Meyrin.

"Um, Meyrin, I was wondering… do you want to have a dinner? There is a nice, quiet café I the nearby park, and I was just wondering… would you like to have a dinner with me ? I mean… we have spent quite a while here, and it is past dinner time, and…"

"Y...yes, id love to." She quickly replied, her salty-blue eyes sparkling with surprise and happiness. _He asked me out on a dinner? Without any specific reason ? Its almost like a date. _She giggled at that thought, blushing slightly and quickly walked to Athrun's side. She was very happy to be able to walk by his side, and not behind him, as she had done until today.

* * *

They got to the café and ordered a table for two. Athrun held a chair for Meyrin, and then sat down to look at the menu. Meyrin made her order and with a smile on her face examined the blue haired boy in front of her. She just couldn't believe how suddenly things had changed in her life.

Few weeks ago she was just content that she was living in the same house as Athrun, and she was happy that she talked to him now and then and saw him few times a day. Few days ago it seemed to her she had lost him for ever… she even tried to… cold shivers passed down Meyrin's spine at the thought what she was about to do that evening.

And after then – everything had changed. Athrun had left Cagali, about which she felt a bit guilty about, but she couldn't help and feel happy that he did. He had told that he actually didn't love Cagali like he thought he did. She had her first kiss with Athrun – something she wouldn't even dare to dream about few days ago.

Remembering that moment, which happened just yesterday made her heart race a bit faster. He… he had told he loved her. She had fallen asleep in his arms, spending the night lying against his chest, and he wasn't upset about it at all. He had taken her shopping today, something she enjoyed immensely. And now he had invited her to have dinner with him.

This all felt like a dream to her, it was just too good for her. She didn't have anything in her life, she had nothing and never even expected for someone like Athrun to notice her. She had been happy for the possibility to love him from afar, never expecting the feelings to be returned by him, she wouldn't even dare to dream abut that.

And yet, ever since yesterday her dream seemed to become reality. She still couldn't understand what Athrun would like in her, but whatever it was, she was glad he did like her. Despite that she had nothing, aside from her dreams and hopes, he had noticed her and now they were a …couple ?

Meyrin really wished to think that. And Athrun clearly didn't give any reason to think otherwise. She was happy to be alive, and for the first time, she was happy to be who she is.

They were enjoying their dinner, talking about nothing in particular and laughing now and then. Athrun couldn't help but notice how happy Meyrin seemed. And he also noticed how happy and relaxed he felt.

_I have really changed, haven't i? I rarely talked about anything but business, and I almost never laughed. And now i'm sitting in a café, eating a dinner with one of the most beautiful girls I have seen, aimlessly spending time and wearing a Hawaii shirt. Yzak would probably feint if he would see me now. _Athrun chuckled at that thought.

He really had changed, and he felt it. And he liked the change, it was like he was becoming alive, getting out of the shell he had been sitting in during the war. He had become more talkative, more open. And he couldn't help but feel that it was mostly thanks to the red haired girl sitting across the table.

He wondered how she did that – all the sadness of war and death of his friends and family seemed to fade in her presence. She had some magic touch that helped to heal his shattered heart. He didn't know how she did that, but he knew one thing – he loved this girl, more than anything he had ever loved, just like Lacus had said he would. And he was happy that he did.

They finished the dinner in quiet, each drifting in their own thoughts, both thinking of the person in front of them. After they were done Athrun asked if Meyrin wants to take a walk in the park, which she gladly accepted.

They were walking around the park, with no particular destination. They were slowly walking side by side, holding hands, Meyrin resting her head on Athrun's shoulder. The blue haired coordinator was smiling. Athrun looked up at the sun, covering his eyes with his hand.

The sky was clear and sun shined brightly, a warm summer wind was running trough his hair, the aroma of various flowers was filling the air, and bird singing could be heard every now and then. He never though he could actually enjoy such things. Such simple, precious things in life. Peace.

"Thank you, Athrun" Meyrin quietly whispered in his ear.

Athrun slowly turned his head and looked at the obviously happy Meyrin, who was looking at him with sparkling eyes.

"For what ?" he asked, surprised by the sudden thanks he received.

"For everything." Meyrin smiled at him, placing her head against his chest, listening to his heartbeat. "I'm so happy, Athrun. I…I never even dreamed for this to happen. I never thought you would even… notice me. It was but a small hope I had in my heart…i… thank you." She quickly wiped away a tear that was about to form in her eye.

Athrun placed his hands around her waist and leaned his head against hers. "I'm sorry, I have acted like a fool once again. I'm sorry I showed you so little attention during those five months… i…i'm just a fool. Sorry. I'm truly thankful for everything you have done. i…i'm happy that you are here with me now."

Meyrin turned towards Athrun and looked in to his big, emerald eyes. They seemed to be filled with sadness and happiness at the same time. She looked in to those eyes and once again thought that this is just too good to be true. She felt like she could cry again from happiness, and from the fear that the dream might end. She had always felt insecure, unsure of herself, and this time was no different.

"A…Athrun, i... you …you wouldn't leave me,… would you ?" Her eyes were watering again. The thought that Athrun might disappear was too much for her to bear. She didn't want that to happen. Her heart felt like it could crumble from the thought alone.

"Meyrin…" Athrun slowly pulled her tighter to him, while looking in to her sad eyes with a loving gaze, sad smile on his face. "I told you…i'm not going to disappear… I don't want to. I promise I wont…ok ? Please, don't cry. I want you to be happy, not sad."

He didn't like to see her like this. She seemed so strong at times, but at other times it seemed likes she could crumble at any moment. And he wanted to prevent that, no matter what.

Meyrin calmed down at his words. It felt safe in his arms, and his words put her worried heart to rest. She knew Athrun was a man who didn't make promises lightly, and the fact that he didn't want to disappear either made her smile. She didn't even know why she felt so insecure for a moment there. It made her feel ashamed of herself.

"Athrun, i'm sorry. I…I shouldn't have said that. Its just that… you are the only thing I have… sorry."

Athrun felt relieved when he saw her smile again. He didn't want her to disappear either. He wouldn't let that happen. No matter what. _Too many things have disappeared from my life…i…I wont let you disappear also, Meyrin. _

He slowly placed his hand on her cheek and looked her in to the eyes. She seemed happy again. He would make sure that it would last.

Athrun slowly leaned forward and placed a soft kiss on her lips, making Meyrin close her eyes and gasp. He had kissed Cagali a few times before, but this was different. It felt like there were more emotions in this kiss. He felt his heart beating a bit faster, he knew he didn't want to let her go, he wouldn't let her go, and he wasn't going to disappear either.

When he broke away from her lips Meyrin opened her eyes and looked at Athrun with loving eyes, feeling like she could stay in his embrace for all eternity. His presence alone made her happy. When their lips had touched she felt like she was leaving the earth and going up in the sky… the feeling of his lips touching hers…

When Athrun had backed away, Meyrin placed her hands on his chest and blushing from the thought that they are kissing in public, leaned forward, this time initiating the kiss herself. The feeling of their lips touching each other made her tremble in excitement, she felt like her mind was totally numb, his lips were something she just couldn't get enough of.

This time the kiss was more passionate, and Athrun tightened his grip around her waist, wanting to preserve this moment as long as possible. Maybe for the first time in his life, he felt truly in love – with the red haired girl whom he was holding in his hands, while continuing to kiss her tender lips, enjoying every moment of it, wanting for it to never end.

* * *

Lacus was walking around in the park, breathing the fresh air and listening to the birds singing, while quietly humming one of her songs. She was going t see Kira, but had decided to take a detour trough the park, to clear her head a bit. She was in a good mood today, the depressing feeling she had gained from thinking too much yesterday was gone.

She walked trough the park, when something caught her attention. A blue haired man was standing there with his back turned to her. She knew only one man that had blue hair. _Athrun? Why is he here ? hehe, I could surprise him. _Happy at the thought she had she started to walk towards Athrun. When she was really close , Lacus spoke up.

"Athrun !..." she suddenly stopped, noticing that Athrun was not alone there. Athrun broke loose from Meyrin's lips and looked at her in surprise, while Meyrin startled and jumped one step back with a small squeal, blushing as read as a cherry. Athrun's face had also gained a shade of red.

"L…Lacus ? wh…what are you doing here?" His eyes were widened, and his voice clearly showed he was surprised by this. Meyrin looked like she was ready to burry herself in to the ground from embarrassment.

Lacus was quite shocked herself, but quickly regained her calmness. "Um… hello, Athrun , Meyrin " She nodded hear head towards Meyrin, and looked at obviously confused Athrun. "I..im sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, i…" As she was talking various thoughts filled her head, and she smiled at him.

"I'm glad to see you are doing fine, Athrun". Athrun blushed a bit more and eyed Lacus with questioning look. Not to mention he was quite displeased that she had ruined the moment, but he didn't show that.

"Lacus, so…what are you doing here?" As she remembered that, her smile darkened a bit.

"Oh…i'm just going to see Kira, and I just noticed you, and I thought I'd say hello…sorry." She couldn't help but feel guilty for ruining the moment Athrun was sharing with Meyrin. _If…if this will affect their relationship I will never forgive myself…i…"_ her thoughts were interrupted by Athrun.

"What do you mean see Kira ? Isn't he with you ?" From the surprise in Athrun's voice she realized one thing – _he still probably doesn't know about Kira._ _I…I hadn't told him and Cagali probably hasn't done so either… and I doubt he tried to contact Kira…_

"Athrun, Kira is in hospital. Didn't anyone tell you ?" The pink haired girl asked, already sure she knows the answer.

Athrun shook his head. "No, and I didn't bother to ask about him. Why is he there ? I'm sure I didn't hit him that hard "

Meyrin gasped at this. "A…Athrun, did you and Kira-sama fight ?" Athrun looked at her with surprised look , and then realization hit him. _Damn, I forgot – she doesn't know what happened that evening._ The reason he hadn't told her was simple – he didn't want her to know, he wanted to spare her of the emotions that would bring.

But before he could answer anything Lacus spoke up. "No, Athrun, it's not because of that, it's…" Lacus placed one of her hands on her chest, while turning her head to side, pained expression on her face.

"Lacus ? what's wrong ?" Athrun asked with worry in his voice, seeing that Lacus looked as if someone had just died.

"Athrun, it's…its Kira, he…" Lacus told them about what doctor had said that evening, and that now Kira is lying in the hospital, and he has one day left before the operation. At the end she was close to tears, the happy mood she had a while ago was gone, when she was forced to remember that conversation with the doctor.

Athrun stood there with his eyes wide opened, Meyrin looked like she was in shock as well. "Um…so…you mean that he had been acting like that, because…a cancer is having a negative influence on his brain ?" Lacus slowly nodded, wiping away the tears from her eyes with a pink handkerchief.

"I see…" Athrun was standing there, various thoughts and emotions passing trough his head. _I always thought that the way Kira acted in the park…and especially that evening… was not like him at all. Kira… how did this happen?_ He was worried for his old friend, part of the anger he felt was gone.

"Athrun…please…tell me one thing. Can you… forgive him?" Lacus looked at Athrun with her blue eyes, filled with sadness. Athrun struggled with the answer a bit. _I… I could forgive him for attacking me…especially if this problem is what caused his actions…_ Athrun turned his head and looked at Meyrin, who was standing slightly behind him, as if hiding from something.

His hand clenched in a fist. _But I can't forgive him what he did to Meyrin… I'm not the one he should be apologizing to. And what does that change anyway ?_

"Lacus…I don't know. I'm not the one he should be apologizing to. Why ?"

"I…i'm scared for him, Athrun. I just… he cried over what he had said… he… Cagali told me he had said he doesn't even want to… live, because all he does is bring pain to others…He… he truly regrets what he said that day…i…i'm afraid for him."

"Lacus… " he had never seen the pink haired girl so worried about something. Athrun stepped forward and placed a hand on Lacus shoulder and looked in to her eyes. "Lacus… as I said, it's not me he needs to apologize to." He looked over his shoulder to Meyrin, who stood there, obviously confused.

Lacus went over to Meyrin, took her hands in hers and looked at her in a pleading manner, her eyes watering "Meyrin…would you… would you forgive Kira ? I…I know he hurt you deeply, but…he didn't mean that… he… he truly regrets it… please ?"

Meyrin stood there in shock, looking at the pleading Lacus in front of her. As far as she could remember, Lacus had always smiled and been cheerful. _She… she must really care for Kira-sama… Can i... forgive him ? Well… if…if the cancer in his brain had caused him to act like that…if…if he really didn't mean what he said then…_

Meyrin wasn't the person to hold a grudge. She had forgiven Shinn that he had almost killed her and Athrun that one time, and she could forgive Kira, knowing that he really didn't mean what he said, plus she didn't want to see Lacus like this, she looked really hurt.

"Lacus-sama" Meyrin spoke up, with a cheerful voice "Please, don't cry, i…I forgive him…its … he didn't do it on purpose, did he?"

Lacus looked at the red haired girl's bright face and stared for a moment, as in disbelief that Meyrin would do something like that so easily. Then she nodded her head and smiled at Meyrin. "Thank you"

Athrun watched the scene and smiled. Once again he could only admire how kind Meyrin is. She was ready to forgive Kira just like that. And if Meyrin could forgive Kira, so could he. _So… Kira is in hospital now… waiting for the operation. Maybe…maybe we could go see him…_

He walked over to Meyrin and placed a hand around her shoulders and looked in to her eyes. "Meyrin, i… I would like to go see Kira… um… is that ok with you?"

Meyrin looked back at him and nodded "Ill also come, Athrun".

Athrun widened his eyes at that statement. "Wha…but…Meyrin… "

"Athrun, please, let her come."

"Lacus?" Athrun turned his head and looked at the pink haired princess with surprise.

"I'm sure Kira… would want to apologize to her in person. So please, Athrun."

Athrun thought for a moment and sighed in the end, nodding his head. "Okay" One of his hands clinched in a fist again. _Kira, you better behave this time, cancer or not…if Meyrin will have to go trough that again because of you…_

Athrun looked at Lacus, who seemed happy that Athrun agreed to take Meyrin along. "Lacus…my car is nearby, so we can all go there… will you come with us ?"

Lacus nodded her head "yes, thank you, Athrun. I was on my way to see Kira, before I found you and …" Meyrin blushed at that and took one step away from Athrun, feeling embarrassed. She looked at Athrun, not knowing what he will do, but he just smiled and stepped closer to Meyrin and took her elbow, and they started to walk towards the car.

_Does…does that mean he doesn't mind if.. if I am seen with him ?_ Happy at that thought Meyrin gripped Athrun's hand a bit tighter and rested her head against Athrun's shoulder, wondering if he would object, which Athrun of course didn't.

Lacus smiled a sad smile at the sight, feeling happy for the two, and unhappy for herself at the same time. They got inside the car and started to drive towards the hospital.

* * *

Lacus stopped in front of Kira's ward and looked at Athrun and Meyrin. "You should go first…i…I will see him after that."

Athrun only nodded. He understood Lacus wanted some private time with Kira, and that's why she was telling them to go first. Athrun looked at Meyrin and took her hand. "Let's go?"

Meyrin took a deep breath, as if preparing for a battle and nodded in a serious manner.

Athrun opened the door and stepped inside, Meyrin following him.

"Tori" was the first thing he heard. The mechanical bird took of the shelf he was sitting on, located near Kira's bed and flew over and sat on Athrun's shoulder. Kira was sleeping, his forehead bandaged. Meyrin was looking at Tori with amazement.

"Its amazing, Athrun" she exclaimed, while examining Tori with interest, which was sitting on Athrun's shoulder, flapping its wings and looking back at her. "I didn't know that they are making mechanical birds."

Athrun smiled at her "I made it. I gave it to Kira when we were still little" Meyrin looked at Athrun with amazement.

"I didn't know you could make things like that, Athrun."

Athrun shrugged. "It's a habit, I guess. I have always been good with things like these…"

"Tori" the small bird jumped from Athrun's shoulder to Meyrin's shoulder, and after that took flight and flew out the window.

"H…hey" Meyrin ran over to the window and looked out with a worried look.

"Don't worry, it will come back" Athrun said, while walking closer to Kira's bed. Looked like he was about to wake up.

Kira slowly opened his eyes and yawned sleepily, then turned his head to right and noticed that someone is standing there. _Must be some doctor again… must be time for my medicine…_ His vision was still blurry, but he could make out that the person standing beside him had blue hair. _Blue…hair…?_

All his sleepiness disappeared in an instant and his eyes opened widely, as he realized who the person was. "A…Athrun ?"

He quickly sat up, staring at the blue haired coordinator. Athrun stood there watching at Kira, not knowing what to say. Kira lowered his head and spoke up, with silent and sad voice. "Athrun…if you came… to beat me up… I know that I deserve it, i…"

"Kira, I didn't come here to do that."

Kira lifted his head and looked at Athrun, surprised look all over his face. "Athrun…then why ?"

Athrun turned his head away "Lacus…she told me about the cancer… I … I understand now that what you did was not your intent …"

Kira couldn't believe what Athrun was saying. _Is he…really forgiving me…i…after what I did ?...I …I don't deserve to be forgiven…after what I did to him…to Meyrin ...i_…"Athrun" Kira bowed his head again, tears gathering in his eyes, as he remembered the sight of Meyrin breaking down on her knees… "I…what are you saying…I don't deserve to be forgiven…how…how can you forgive me for this?"

Athrun looked at his old friend, who looked like he was about to cry. He looked like he was truly sorry for what he had done.

"Kira" Athrun slowly spoke up, his voice sounding a bit cold. "It's not up to me to forgive you. But if Meyrin can forgive you, then so can i."

Kira closed his eyes, and small streams of tears started to flow down his cheeks. "How…how could she ever forgive me? How… i…I said such horrible things to her…I" His hands clinched the blanket he was covering himself with … "I even tried to"

"Kira !" Athrun shouted, not wanting for him to continue. After all, Meyrin was still in the room, which Kira hadn't noticed, and Athrun didn't want her to find out that Kira tried to attack her, nor the fact that Kira stabbed him in the arm.

Kira shook his head, still sobbing. "Athrun…i'm so sorry…i… how can I be forgiven?...i…I don't deserve to…"

Athrun looked at Meyrin, who was standing near the window, left from Kira's bed. He walked up to her and placed his arm around her waist, looking her in to the eyes.

Meyrin's eyes were watering as she had listened to Kira speaking. She had forgiven him. She just couldn't not to forgive him seeing him like this – crying on the bed while gripping his blanket. He looked like he was in so much pain and guilt. He really regretted what he had done, he looked broken. This sight was more than enough to convince Meyrin that his words were real.

Athrun looked down at her and nodded with a small smile on his face. Meyrin turned her sight back to sobbing Kira and took in a deep breath. "Um…Kira-sama ? I…I forgive you."

Kira suddenly stopped crying at hearing her voice, his eyes wide opened. He slowly turned his head and looked in surprise at the girl who he hadn't noticed.

He slightly trembled at the sight of the girl, whom he had insulted badly. And there she was, slight smile on her face, watching at him with her bright eyes, saying she forgives him. Tears again started to flow down Kira's cheeks, and he bowed his head down again.

"Me…Meyrin, i…I' so sorry…i…i'm so sorry…i…didn't mean…what I said…i.." Kira was stammering heavily, without knowing what to say. _Athrun…Meyrin…why…why did you…forgive me ? …i…I don't deserve it…cancer…that is no excuse…i…it was still i... so why ?_

Meyrin almost felt like crying herself at the emotional sight. "Kira-san, it's ok. I…i forgive you…it's alright."

Kira stopped to cry and wiped his face in his sleeve and looked up at Meyrin. "Thank you" was all he could say

"I also forgive you, Kira, so lets drop this and forget it happened at all, ok?" Athrun spoke up, moved by seeing his friend so broken and filled with regret. "Um…anyway, we should go – you have another visitor waiting for you, and I don't want to keep her waiting, ill come see you before the operation."

Seeing that Kira didn't answer Athrun started to walk towards the door, bringing Meyrin with him. He opened the door and held it open while Meyrin walked outside, and was about to walk outside when Kira suddenly spoke up.

"Um, Athrun? Could…could I talk to you for a bit?" Athrun looked at Kira, and then looked at Meyrin and Lacus. Meyrin nodded her head in agreement and sat down beside Lacus, and watched Athrun enter the room again.

She sighed and looked up, glad that this was over. "Did it go well?" Meyrin turned her head towards Lacus and looked at her blue eyes, filled with concern.

"I..i think it did. He really looked sorry… and he cried a lot" Lacus smiled at her and looked a bit relieved.

"Kira has always been like that. He cries easily. He really didn't mean that when he said that."

Meyrin shook her head. "I forgave him, so did Athrun. I…I would like not to talk about this anymore, Athrun feels the same."

Lacus nodded and decided to drop the subject – it was nothing pleasant anyway. Then something else came to her mind.

"Meyrin, if I can ask why were you and Athrun at the park?" A stupid question.. Obviously they were taking a walk, as well as kissing…which she managed to interrupt. Lacus frowned at herself at that thought – she had ruined a moment between the two and instead they have ended up in a hospital, forced to remember all that they tried to forget.

Meyrin blushed slightly at that question, remembering when Lacus had caught them. "I…we went shopping…and we had dinner after that…and after that Athrun asked me if I would like to walk in the park… he is just too good to me…"

Lacus seemed surprised. _Athrun went shopping? I never thought he would do that… I assume Meyrin made him buy that green shirt he was wearing… it looks good on him._ She listened to what Meyrin was saying about Athrun with a loving look in her salty-blue eyes and a soft voice, but at the same time a bit sad. Lacus smiled at her.

"You love him a lot, don't you " Lacus asked in a quiet voice.

Meyrin almost jumped in surprise at that question, especially from someone she barely knew, but since Lacus was Athrun's friend she thought she can trust her.

"Um…yes, I do" Meyrin quietly answered, heat gathering in her cheeks.

"But you seemed sad a moment ago, why?"

Meyrin bowed her head down, feeling a bit sad. She placed her hand around the necklace Athrun had given her. "I… i'm scared. I...i don't even know why. He…he is just too good for me… i'm afraid he might just disappear…i…i'm afraid i'm just bothering him…I don't know what he could like in me…even if he said he loves me…I just don't know what he could like in me"

Meyrin wiped away a tear. She had no idea why she was telling all this to Lacus, but for some odd reason it felt like she could trust Lacus. She seemed so kind and willing to help, willing to listen. Perhaps Meyrin just needed someone to cry her heart out.

Lacus looked at the red haired girl beside her and placed a hand on Meyrin's shoulder and spoke with a soothing voice. "Meyrin, you don't have to worry about that. Athrun is not someone who would disappear anywhere. You are not bothering him, he likes to be around you, he seems a lot livelier around you. He likes you a lot."

Lacus smile grew wider "And you should know, Meyrin, that if he did tell you that he loves you, then you are the first one to whom he tells that"

Meyrin turned to Lacus with her eyes wide opened and disbelief in her face "W…what? But Athrun…he had been engaged to Cagali-sama. … And to you, Lacus-sama."

Lacus shook her head, and smiled, while looking in to Meyrin's widened eyes. "Yes. I think he did love me. Maybe he loved Cagali, but he had never said that. Athrun is usually very quiet, i'm sure you have noticed that." Meyrin nodded, still being very surprised at Lacus words.

"He doesn't say things unless he truly believes them, and he almost never speaks of his feelings, and if he said he loves you, that means you are special to him, so please don't worry. It probably worries Athrun when he sees you sad."

Meyrin blushed like a boiled beet, listening to what Lacus was saying. _I…I am the first one he says he loves? I'm …special to him?_ She gripped tighter the little necklace, feeling a lot better after hearing what Lacus had said. She looked at Lacus, happiness filling her eyes, her cheeks still slightly red. "Thank you, Lacus-sama"

"Take care of him, Meyrin. He needs you." The color of Meyrin's cheeks again darkened. She felt a lot happier now. _I'm …special to him? He needs me? Perhaps…I am worried about nothing…I mean Athrun is so kind to me…i…I shouldn't doubt him… He… he gets worried if i'm sad? Then I shouldn't be sad. I want Athrun to be happy with me, not sad…_

Meyrin was happily smiling while thinking about herself and Athrun, tightly gripping the small necklace. This was the second time someone had asked her to take care of Athrun. And she would, even if the world would end, she would take care of him.

* * *

Athrun closed the door behind him and walked towards Kira. The brunette lifted his purple eyes and looked at his old friend, who had hated him for the last few days more than anything else.

"Athrun, i…" Kira lowered his head and looked away "Thank you, Athrun…for forgiving me…i…i'm truly sorry that happened."

"Kira…I told you I forgave you. Meyrin forgave you, and it's her you hurt the most, not me."

Kira shifted his view to Athrun, looking in to his emerald eyes. "So… you and Cagali broke up ? You… are with Meyrin now?"

Athrun's eyes narrowed and he shot a cold glare at Kira. This was not something he wanted to discuss, and especially not with Kira. "If that is what you wanted to talk about, then I will leave". Athrun stood up from the chair he had sat on and prepared to leave.

"No, Athrun, its not that…its… i'm glad that Meyrin didn't leave… because of my words…" Kira lowered his head and stared blankly at the bed he was sitting in.

Athrun's hands clenched in to fists, he felt anger rising at Kira again. _Didn't leave? …She almost… _Athrun took in a deep breath and tried to calm himself down. This matter had been resolved already, and there was no pint in getting angry about it. "Look, Kira" his voice sounded colder than usual "this is not something I want to talk about. Especially with you."

Kira nodded and slowly looked up at Athrun. "I…I know. I'm sorry, I understand. This… this is not what I wanted to talk about. I … I just wanted to say i'm happy to have a friend like you, Athrun. I know you probably still hate me… but I at least would like to think of you as a friend."

Athrun stood there, completely confused "Kira, what are you … ?"

"No, its just that I wanted to say that… in case we don't get to talk anymore after the operation."

"Wha…Kira…what are you saying? Lacus told me you will be fine after the operation."

Kira sadly smiled at Athrun, lifting his sad, purple eyes and looking in to Athrun's emerald ones. "Lacus…she didn't tell you, did she? About the other possible outcome?"

"Other…outcome?" Athrun blankly repeated, staring at his friend, who looked unusually depressed.

"If everything will go as planned, i…they will remove the cancer and I will stop seeing these visions…But…there is a possibility…that my brain is already damaged…and i…I wont stop seeing them. It will only get worse."

Athrun's eyes were widened in disbelief "Wha…Kira, what are you saying? what…do you mean, get worse ?"

Kira smiled sadly lowering his head again, clinching his hand in a fist "It…it probably means i…I will be seeing more of those visions. I…I might start acting like that again…. For ever."

Athrun felt he was speechless. He didn't expect something like this. _But…its just a possibility, right ? Kira…he will be fine._ All the anger he had recently felt had faded, now he was looking at the depressed brunette with pity and sadness. "But , Kira…that's unlikely to happen, right ? I mean…you are a coordinator, we shouldn't have problems like that."

Kira slowly shook his head. "I don't know, Athrun. The only thing I know is that after the operation I will either return to normal or it will only get worse. I don't want to get worse, Athrun. I…I already said those horrible things to Meyrin. i…I even stabbed you…I don't want that to get worse."

"K…Kira, why are you saying this? You will be fine."

"Probably. But…can you do me a favour ?"

"Um…what would that be?" Athrun felt unsure, he didn't like the tone Kira was using. It sounded…empty.

"If I would get worse…they will probably place me under supervision…i…I could end up hurting other people…i…I don't want that to happen. Don't let that happen, Athrun. If…if that would happen… please… stop me…forever."

Athrun felt like a ton of bricks had landed on him, his stomach turned around from the thoughts that passed trough his head along with Kira's words. 'Wha…Kira…what are you…why…why are you saying this ? You will be fine."

"Yeah. I will. However… please, promise me… if I wouldn't be ok…no matter how small that chance is… would you… stop me ?" Tears were starting to fall down Kira's cheeks again, he was lightly shaking, obviously feeling terrible about the thing he was asking. But he felt it had to be done. Just in case.

"Please, Athrun. You…you are the only one I can ask this. If that would happen…i…I don't want to end up hurting you…Meyrin…Cagali…Lacus…so please…promise me… that you wouldn't hesitate."

"Kira…" Athrun felt his eyes were watering, and a feeling of sickness growing inside him. Athrun slowly nodded his head. "I promise. But…you have to promise you will be ok".

Kira looked back at Athrun, smiling a bit. "Its not like I think I wont be ok, its just better to be prepared I guess. Old habits die hard. I have learned that trough the war."

Athrun sighed at relief that Kira seemed to have cheered up. The dark cloud that seemed to have engulfed the room few moments ago was gone. Athrun was sure Kira would be fine, and Kira didn't seem upset either any more. Athrun decided its time for him to go.

"Well then …I think I will be going now. Lacus is waiting to talk to you, and I don't want to keep her waiting. Besides, Meyrin is waiting for me." The blue haired boy stood up and walked towards the door.

"Thank you, Athrun. For forgiving me, although I don't deserve it."

Athrun looked back at Kira, then vacated the room, without saying anything. Outside he saw Meyrin and Lacus talking to each other, and Meyrin seemed happy. Athrun smiled at himself – he had always thought that Meyrin and Lacus would get along well, they seemed very similar, both being very kind and gentle.

Both looked at him as he exited the room and got up, walking towards him.

"Athrun, how is he?"

"He's fine, Lacus. He seemed glad to know that Meyrin has forgiven him."

Lacus turned towards Meyrin and bowed her head. "I'm grateful that you came, Meyrin, Athrun."

"Um…its ok, really." Meyrin shyly replied, looking towards Athrun.

"Lacus, at least i'm glad we are over with it. I told Kira that you will be coming to see him, is that ok ?"

Lacus nodded her head and smiled at him. "Thank you"

Athrun went over to Meyrin's side. "Well then…we will be going. See you again, Lacus"

Meyrin bowed her head "It was nice meeting you, Lacus-sama"

Lacus bowed her head and turned around to enter Kira's room. Athrun took unusually happy Meyrin by the elbow and they started to walk towards the elevator that leads to the exit.

* * *

A/N:

Phew, chappie done. My longest (And worst imo) chapter. I rewrote some parts many times and they still ended up crappy imo, I especially didn't like the Meyrin / Lacus chat . The unbearable heat outside is not helping at all. I can swear that it is sucking away my already almost non-existent brain cells. Ill try to do better for next one . R&R and flame away please. (runs to hide in fridge to cool off)


	8. Chapter 8

A/N:

Thanks to all the reviewers, all the nice reviews really help the writing. hope you will like this chap.

bastion the legend – you own me a fridge now :D

_Special thanks to The-Dark-Spirit182 for proof-reading my crappy writing :)_

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

* * *

Kira was sitting in the bed, his head bowed down blankly staring at his bed sheets. He didn't understand why Athrun and Meyrin forgave him so easily. He didn't deserve it, he knew that much and he almost felt guilty for getting out of the water almost dry. But in some corner in his guilt plagued heart he carried a feeling of happiness.

He was glad he and Athrun could talk again. Although they hadn't seen each other for a few months, during the last few days he felt more distant from him then during the time he was on PLANT. He and Athrun had been friends since they were little, they went through two wars, and they fought against each other.

Their friends have died in the cross fire, they tried to kill each other, completely possessed by the pain and despair of losing those they cared about at each others hands, they both almost died. They became friends again, only to be separated by the next war and having to fight each other again.

But in the end, their friendship prevailed. It overcame the obstacles set by the merciless wars and countless dilemmas. They became friends once again and put an end to the war, fighting side by side, entrusting each other their lives, and the lives of the ones they cared about.

Kira smiled sadly, but the smile seemed to carry a small piece of happiness with it. Their friendship was strong. He knew it couldn't end that easily. _Although…I have to admit … I really thought he was going to kill me … he had that look in his eyes again… just like when... I… killed… his friend. But…I'm glad, Athrun. I'm glad we can talk again…like friends. _

_So… you…you really have broken up with my sister? You…you are with Miss Hawke now? Cagali…it…it must hurt her. Lacus…she told me that Cagali cried in the night… you…you made her cry…_ Kira sighed heavily, but his expression changed to one which seemed relaxed, he closed his eyes and lifted his head, the sad smile on his face changing it to a soft one, making it seem as if he was happy about something.

_But…I'm glad, Athrun. I'm glad because you…_

"Kira?" a soft voice called out his name, disturbing his thoughts and bringing his consciousness back to the reality. He slowly opened his purple eyes and looked at the figure of the person who disturbed him from his thoughts, although the voice alone was enough to tell who it was.

Lacus slowly walked forward, then, after a moment of hesitation, she sat on the bed beside Kira, her hands crossed in her lap. Her blue eyes were sparkling with the usual energy and wisdom she seemed to poses, and she looked rather pleased about something, as she eyed Kira with a smile on her lips. She wasn't this happy most of the time, during the last months, while dealing with the Chairman's work.

Kira asked "Lacus?" with a bit of confusion, not being sure what makes her happy at this moment.

"Kira, you seem happy about something."

Kira nodded, still bearing the smile on his lips, as he looked at the pink haired princess. "I was just thinking…about Athrun. It's…it's good to be friends with him again." Lacus nodded, looking in to Kira's eyes. They seemed to have changed a bit, compared to how they looked during the past few days.

She knew how much Kira suffered from what he had done to Athrun and Meyrin, suffered to the extent he didn't even want to live. Knowing that the two have forgiven him must have felt like a ton of bricks removed from his shoulders. But still…he looked too happy for that alone to be the reason.

Kira turned his head to side, and continued in a more silent voice. "And…I was thinking about Cagali and Athrun…and Meyrin…"

Lacus felt her smile disappear from her face, and her gaze seemed to be filled with worries and concern. She knew how protective Kira was about his sister. _He…he is probably mad at Athrun…but he should understand that… that it's not his choice… I hope he won't do anything rash about this again…he…he just made friends with Athrun again…if he does something inappropriate again, they could again become enemies…Kira, no matter how you feel about Cagali, no matter how you hate Athrun for this, you must not…_

"I'm glad for Athrun. I'm happy things are the way they are now."

Lacus sat petrified for a moment, trying to make sure she heard that right. She sat in spot, staring at Kira, who seemed content about what he was saying, no sadness in his voice, nor in his features. For the first time in a long while, she felt lost of words. She just sat there, her eyes widened, looking at the brunette sitting beside her and feeling completely confused.

Hearing Kira saying something like this was something she never had expected. She thought he would be angry at Athrun …angry at Meyrin…or at least that he will feel sad about his sister, but there he was – saying he is glad that the things are the way they are with a happy look on his face. And Lacus had no idea why.

"Kira…I thought that…you…Cagali and Athrun…" She stammered, sounding utterly confused and lost. Something she rarely was.

Kira slowly turned his gaze towards the obviously confused Lacus, and his smile became sadder. "Athrun…he…he wanted to die."

Lacus was shocked at Kira's words. _He…he isn't making any sense. Is…is he again…?_ A slight shadow of fear appeared in her eyes and she gasped at the thought that Kira has probably gone insane again, and she unconsciously moved a bit further from Kira.

Kira only shook his head and looked in Lacus blue orbs with reassuring look. "I'm fine Lacus, don't worry." His voice sounded calm and his gaze looked perfectly 'normal' .so Lacus calmed down a bit and eyed Kira with questioning look. "What are you saying, Kira? Athrun…"

Kira smiled sadly again and looked away. "Athrun wanted to die. Ever since his father tried to destroy the Earth…he wanted to die. Or even before that – when he returned to PLANTs to confront his father. When I told him we both can't afford to die yet. That day…he wanted to die…together with Genesis. He wasn't planning on being rescued…he wanted to die." Kira was speaking slowly, bringing up the painful memories of Jakin Due, bringing up the painful memories that were still haunting him, memories he was usually trying to suppress.

Lacus was listening to Kira's sad voice, his expression had suddenly changed from a happy one, to one with pain and regret, as he talked about Jakin Due…Jakin Due…the place where he fought against Rau…the place where the first Bloody Valentine war had ended…the place where his first love died in front of his eyes….

She felt her heart clinch in pain, simply by looking at the expression on Kira's face. She wanted to scream out to tell him to stop. But she also wanted to hear what Kira was saying. She wanted to understand, and after all – Kira himself began to tell this…but what was it he was trying to say? Lacus slowly placed her hand above his, startling him a bit. It was painful for her to watch as Kira relived those moments again. But he continued.

"He…he didn't want to live. Because…he had lost all hope in humanity…he only wanted to save the people of Earth…and to die while doing so…without having to see what comes afterwards. Because… because there was nothing he wanted to see, he…he had nothing to look towards to. But, he lived. Because I said we can't afford to die yet. And so, he lived on… blaming himself for his father's mistakes. I…I could see it in his eyes…he had lost all will to fight…to live…he only walked forward because he was alive…because I told him he can't die yet…not because he wanted to be alive. Athrun…he tried to live normally…but he was like an empty shell... not knowing what he wants to do with his life…because he didn't want anything"

Kira's eyes were staring to feel misty, as he continued to talk about his best friend, and his voice started to sound more and more…helpless…empty. "He…didn't know what to do…during the second war…I could feel it. He fought without passion…the fire and desire to win and reach the cause that he had in the first war… it was no longer there.

He simply fought without knowing why he is fighting, or what is he fighting for… he fought, because he was still alive… he felt he needs to do something… but he had no idea what… because his whole life had no goal and held no desire to live, after his father almost destroyed the Earth… He was there… he stood firm…but…his eyes…they were empty…lifeless."

Kira gasped and a tear fell down his cheek, and he wiped it away with his sleeve. Lacus felt tears gathering in her eyes as well. She had noticed that Athrun had changed…but she had never thought it to be so serious or so deep. She could usually read Athrun very well, then why she hadn't noticed this? _Kira…why…how do you know this?_ Her hand squeezed Kira's hand tighter, as she was struggling to hold back her tears.

Kira was beginning to dwell in his thoughts again, but the pressure on his hand made him snap out of it. Kira nodded, still looking away from Lacus, as if saying he is fine, and continued in his ghostly voice. "Athrun…he was still like that…when we met on the shore that day… when I learned he had returned to ZAFT… he…his eyes were still lifeless.

But…when Colonel Kisaka found the cockpit of his destroyed Gouf in the ocean…and brought him to Archangel…after that he changed a little. I…I could see the little spark in his eyes again…it was faint…but I saw it. He…he didn't want to die anymore."

Kira turned his eyes towards Lacus, who was sitting there, tears falling down her face, and smiled at her, with the same warm smile he had a few minutes ago. "And that's why I'm happy, Lacus." His voice had changed back to normal, as if he had gotten over the pain this hard-luck story had caused him.

"I'm happy, because he has that spark in his eyes again. I saw it today, its strong, also the shirt he was wearing… he is becoming alive again…he doesn't want to die anymore, he wants to live." Kira separated his hand from Lacus and rubbed his face with both hands, as if trying to remove the remains of any tears he might have, then he smiled again.

"I'm happy that he wants to live again… to live, not to exist…and…Meyrin…if…if she can make Athrun alive again…if she is the reason he wants to feel alive again…then I'm happy for him. Cagali…I guess Cagali reminds him of the war…I guess that's why…he can't be happy with her…and she has her duties…so that's why…that's why I'm happy. I'm happy that he has found a reason to live…"

"Kira…how…how do you know this?" Lacus felt confused, Kira usually didn't say things like these, and she couldn't understand how he could have found out…usually Athrun didn't speak of his emotions, so she doubted that he would tell anyone…_but then again…Kira is Athrun's best friend…if he would tell anyone that would be Kira…_

Smile faded from Kira's face, as he turned away, as if once again thinking of something painful, something he didn't want to remember. "Because…I'm the same. So that's why I know…that's why I'm happy that Athrun has found a reason to live again."

Kira lowered his head, a shadow of sorrow looming over his face, clinching his hands in to fists, "At least one of us has…" he said so quietly, that Lacus barely heard him. This one phrase made Lacus heart twitch in pain, but before she could say anything, Kira continued.

"And that's why I'm happy I'm friends with him again… he really had that look in his eyes again that day…just like…just like when I… killed… his friend… Nicole… Athrun looked like that when he wanted me to die… and he looked the same when I… said all those things about Meyrin…I…I didn't want to lose him as a friend… it felt just like then…

_Flashback_

_Aegis was thrown backwards on the ground and apparently ran out of power, its phase shift armor and beam saber deactivated. Kira lifted his large, anti ship sword above his head and stood in front of Aegis. "Athrun !" Kira stood there for a second, hesitating. He didn't want to kill Athrun, just like Athrun never really tried to kill him._

_They were childhood friends, tossed in to the merciless battlefield, fighting for reasons they didn't understand, and didn't believe in. They were forced to fight against each other, they were on different sides of the fence. Yet they never tried to kill one another, and he wasn't going to kill him now either. Athrun knew that as well. But others didn't know that. _

"_Athrun ! Move out of the way " a cry of a desperate young man could be heard in the communicator. Blitz appeared to the right of Kira, deactivation Mirage Colloid and charged forward Strike, holding its pike in its remaining arm, thrusting it forwards, ready to ram it in to the Strike._

_Kira instinctively ducked, barely dodging the pike, that missed Strike's head by bare inches and slashed towards Blitz with his sword. The sword pierced Blitz's cockpit, thrusting in to the pilots stomach with its laser edge, ensuring a fatal blow._

"_Athrun…run" were the last words that could be heard from the young pilot, filled with pain and agony that he felt at the moment. The pilot's helmet filled with blood and cracked, and after a few seconds Blitz exploded, taking the young pilot with it._

"_Nicole!" a shriek filled with despair and anger was the last thing Kira heard from Athrun, before returning to the ship._

_Nicole… a fifteen year old boy, usually cheerful and gentle, who loved to play piano, but was also dragged in to the war, trying to protect PLANTs, was the first one to get destroyed in the flames between Athrun and Kira, flames that no one was supposed to die except themselves. _

_End flashback_

Kira was breathing heavily, his voice trembling, remembering this scene and how crushed he felt inside himself. _For Athrun…it must have been hell…that look in his eyes afterwards…the voice he spoke with …_ "I…I don't want to ever see those eyes, Lacus… the eyes he had that day in park…I'm happy he doesn't look at me that way anymore…"

Lacus could literally see the pain in Kira's eyes…she felt just how shocked he was just now, while telling her how he killed Athrun's friend… She slowly lifted her hand and moved it forward to place it on Kira's cheek.

Kira was breathing heavily, and he started to sweat. The scene of him killing Nicole just kept reappearing in his mind… then came the next one, when Athrun killed Tolle. Kira's eyes widened, and his eye pupils shrunk, as he realized he cannot stop the flow of memories. It was happening again…

"Lacus, you must go. Now!" Kira rapidly spoke up, quickly turning his head towards Lacus, startling her. He knew what was coming, and he knew he better be alone at that time. He quickly reached over to the table beside his bed and grabbed one of the pills that were located there and quickly swallowed it, still breathing heavily. Sleeping-pills.

The doctor had told him to take one immediately when he starts having the memory flood, so he would fall asleep. They always worked – every time he would wake up he would be back to normal. But they needed a few minutes to take effect, and he knew that it's best if he is alone at that time, otherwise he tended to become aggressive.

Lacus observed Kira's actions with worries and pain in her heart, her eyes starting to feel misty again. "Kira, are you…?" She knew he was probably seeing all those memories again, and she wanted to help him, to comfort him…

"Lacus, I told you to go. Please, leave me alone for now." Kira was getting impatient, he knew Lacus meant well, but this time she had to leave, before he had the chance to do anything irrational to her…while he still held on to his sanity. And the load of memories and visions rapidly increased, and he knew he wouldn't last long now.

"Kira, I…" Lacus reached her hand out again, fighting to hold back tears that were trying to break free from her eyes.

Kira closed his purple eyes, placing his hand on his head, and bowed the head down, feeling it become heavier, his thoughts becoming thicker and more unclear…

"GO!" He almost yelled, wishing she would just go away, feeling the last remains of his sanity slowly being engulfed in a dark, cold mist. _Why can't she understand?_

Lacus stood up and started to walk towards the door in a fast pace, tears streaming down her face. She wanted to help him, if possible to ease his suffering in any way possible, even if in the smallest. But he was sending her away. She knew she probably couldn't help him at this moment…that he probably sent her away because he didn't want to cause any problems to her… but it still hurt – being sent away by him.

As Lacus closed the door from the outside, she went over to the chairs that were placed along the walls of the hospitals hallways and collapsed on one of them, placing her face in her hands and placing her elbows on her knees, crying. Crying as hard as she could, warm tears staining her face and making her hands wet. Her heart itself was crying.

"_Athrun wanted to die … _

…_we both can't afford to die yet… _

…_lost all hope in humanity… _

…_an empty shell... _

…_not knowing what he wants to do with his life… _

…_had lost all will to fight…to live… _

…_life had no goal and held no desire to live… _

…_because… I'm the same. So that's why I know._

…_Athrun has found a reason to live again_

…_At least one of us has."_

Lacus sobbed quietly, her head buried in her hands, tears starting to roll down her hands as well, starting to stain her sleeves, but she paid no heed to it, just like she ignored all the people passing her and their looks.

"Kira…why…" her voice left an impression she could crumble at any moment, it was quite and trembling, filled with as much sadness and despair as a humans heart can muster. "Why…why don't you desire to live? Why…why can't I be…a reason for you to live...?"

* * *

Athrun was sitting in the guestroom's sofa, watching TV, while his thoughts were elsewhere. It has been about two hours since he and Meyrin came back from visiting Kira and their shopping trip, and it was getting kinda late. Meyrin…she seemed unusually happy after their visit. But then again – Athrun could understand it. 

After all, it seemed like she enjoyed the shopping quite a lot, although she didn't get herself anything other than her new clothes and the curtains. Athrun sighed, running his fingers trough his blue hair. _I wonder if she didn't get herself anything else because she didn't want to spend more of my money. Most likely…she is always very worried about it… _

The blue haired boy rolled his eyes and rested back in the sofa. Meyrin sure always worried about spending his money…Athrun sure didn't care himself, as long as she would be happy. And since she seemed happy about the trip to the shopping centre, he decided it was ok. But made a mental note to himself, that he must somehow make Meyrin loosen up about this, although, he had no idea how.

The thought that Meyrin actually had walked home that time with groceries instead of taking a taxi, because she didn't want to spend more of his money made Athrun frown. But she sure loved shopping, the way how she ran around when selecting the curtains so excitedly and with such enthusiasm made Athrun smile a bit.

Yes, she definitely seemed happy after the shopping. And she also seemed happy in the park, despite her sudden outburst of sadness at one point. Athrun didn't like that and he didn't like it when she was sad, mostly because he didn't know what to say more often than not. He was never too bright on the talking side.

But as long as it turned out alright…_But she sure seemed a lot happier after we left the hospital…the talk with Kira must have cheered her up. She did find out that Kira actually didn't mean what he said, and she seems to have made friends with Lacus. I'm glad things turned out the way they did. _

Athrun smiled and looked up at the ceiling. The day had turned out to be a good one, everything seemed to have finally taking a turn for the better. Meyrin was happy, she had settled things with Kira, just as he had himself. _Kira…It's good that everything is back to normal. _Back to normal…

Athrun frowned at the thought, feeling a bit uneasy. Kira's operation was in one day, and he couldn't help but worry, knowing that his friend is going to have brain surgery. _Kira, you better be alright. Lacus is worried sick about you._ Speaking of which… he hadn't seen Meyrin for a few hours, which meant she hadn't left her room at all ever since they came home.

After a bit of hesitation Athrun decided to go check on her. After all Meyrin had a habit of getting sad and worried at times, and he hoped that this was not the case. Athrun turned the TV off and stood up, then stretched, feeling a lot better. He still felt a bit stiff after spending the previous night in a not so comfortable position. Not that he minded it one bit.

Athrun climbed the stairs to the second floor, thinking about Meyrin, his head bowed down. He noticed one of the palms on his new shirt and smirked. He had almost forgotten that he was wearing that. He didn't understand why he bought the thing in the first place… but it seemed quite comfortable and surprisingly, he almost liked how he looked wearing it.

He knew that a month or so ago he wouldn't even consider buying this for one moment, he enjoyed wearing plain and simple clothes, especially his black jacket. He was fully aware that he bought the shirt because of one red head, who had begged him to try it on, but what surprised him was the fact that he would never wear something like this a month ago, no matter who would ask him to do that.

His trail of thoughts was interrupted when he accidentally hit his leg against the top step of the stairs. Growling and cursing in his thoughts, as well as wincing slightly the blue haired boy continued towards Meyrin's room. The door was not closed, so he decided it was ok to go in.

Meyrin was standing on her tips of the toes on a chair, and was trying to affix the curtains to the wooden bar above the window, but it seemed she couldn't quite reach it. She let out a sigh and eyed the wooden bar with an annoyed look and pouted, placing her free hand on her side, the other hand still holding the curtains.

Athrun couldn't help but smile at how cute she looked like this, it made him chuckle a bit. It startled Meyrin and she turned her head back, looking over her shoulder. "Athrun, I didn't know you were here." Her voice sounded cheerful, and her eyes sparkled, despite that she was annoyed by the curtains.

Athrun smiled at her and moved beside her, looking up at her, catching her gaze and looking in to her salty-blue eyes that were filled with happiness, instead of sadness as most of the time he had seen. "Meyrin, why didn't you just ask me? You don't have to do this, especially if it's hard for you to reach it."

Meyrin looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed. "I…I just wanted to do this myself. Its not like I'm that short, right?" Actually she was almost the same height as Athrun. "And I didn't want to bother you about this, Athrun, so…"

Athrun sighed loudly enough to make Meyrin look at him, and again looked in to her eyes. _Why does she keep thinking that everything she does is a bother to me?_ "Meyrin" Athrun slowly spoke up, looking at the red haired girl, who had her hair in the two ponytails again, what made her look even cuter. "Can you promise me one thing?"

"Yes" Meyrin instantly answered, knowing that she wouldn't refuse anything Athrun would ask of her. "Please, if there is any problem or anything you need just ask me, ok? It is not bothering me at all, why are you so afraid of asking me something?" He spoke with a soft voice, the look in his emerald eyes was almost pleading.

Meyrin felt heat rushing up her cheeks, and she turned away. She really had no idea why she never asked anything. She was very shy by nature, and had used to rely on herself for a long time now. But perhaps it was time when she could rely on someone. And besides, the pleading look on Athrun's face showed that he really wanted to help, but she was always afraid that he is only doing so because he was a gentleman. Perhaps it was time she stopped doubting him. Especially after what Lacus said in the hospital.

She turned towards Athrun and happily nodded. "Um…if you want, Athrun. But I'll just finish attaching this one – it's the last part anyway." She smiled at Athrun and then turned back to the curtain. It was true – only the last corner of the curtain had to be attached, so there was no need for Athrun to get up on the chair just for this.

"Don't worry, I can reach iWHAAA" she squealed, when Athrun suddenly lifted the chair in the air, almost causing her to lose balance, and holding it steadily at his chest-height, with a smile on his face. Meyrin recovered from the shock this sudden action had caused her and looked at Athrun with surprise, who looked obviously happy. "A…Athrun?"

"Meyrin, I'm going to help you with this, one way or another." The blue haired coordinator smiled at her, speaking in a happy voice, obviously looking content with his actions.

Meyrin looked around and she had to admit that attaching the curtain won't be a problem now – her head almost reached the ceiling, and the wooden bar was easily reachable now. She looked down at Athrun with concern, despite the slight shock she had from this sudden action. "Athrun, isn't this heavy?"

Athrun raised an eyebrow. First of all he was a coordinator, so lifting something heavy wouldn't be that much of a problem, and second – there was nothing heavy to begin with, Meyrin only weighted 45 kg, and Athrun had no idea why she was talking about something like diets from time to time. And third – it's not like he would drop the chair even if it would be heavy.

Athrun shook his head and looked in to Meyrin's eyes with a reassuring look. "It's fine, Meyrin, its not hard, and I don't know why would you think that you are heavy." Meyrin blushed and turned away to hide her red cheeks and started to attach the curtain. Ever since she failed to get in to the Lunamaria's miniskirt she had thought she might be too 'fat'. Of course she was light years away from being anywhere close to that, but for some reason it always bothered her. _Damn Luna and her skirt…_

Athrun smiled and looked up at Meyrin, who was still occupied with the curtains and looked for a moment, then his expression suddenly changed, and he quickly turned away, red all over his face. Meyrin was still wearing the skirt she had bought today, and Athrun was pretty sure he had just seen things one should not without permission. He let out a small 'gulp' sound, cursing himself.

_Damn you, Zala. You sure have to act before you think, like I haven't given her enough embarrassment already…now this. God, she will really think I'm some kind of a pervert if she will notice this…darn…_

"There, all done." Meyrin happily announced and turned her head towards Athrun. Her sudden movement caught Athrun off-guard, since his thoughts were not exactly on holding the chair right now, and caused Athrun to startle, and this caused chair to stagger, which in turn caused Meyrin off-balance.

With a small scream she lost her balance and fell down the chair backwards, closing her eyes and awaiting the moment she will hit the floor. This never happened, because Athrun managed to drop the chair and catch her in his arms in time, what caused him to take a few steps backwards. As he took the few steps back, fully centering his attention on Meyrin in his arms, he ran against the bed, which caused him to fall backwards on the bed.

Meyrin opened her eyes and looked around, wondering why the fall was so soft. "Mey ?" she turned to the right and looked down, meeting Athrun's emerald green eyes looking up at her. Then she realized she had landed on top of Athrun, and was now sitting on his chest. She quickly scrambled up, moving away from Athrun, her cheeks slightly red.

"Athrun, are you ok? I'm sorry" she looked at him with concern and kneeled beside him on the bed, placing her hand on his shoulder as he sat up, with a small 'cough' sound. Athrun turned towards her, and looked in to her eyes, smiling softly. "I…I'm sorry, Meyrin, I didn't hold the chair firmly enough."

Meyrin shook her head "No, Athrun, I…" she couldn't continue because Athrun suddenly leaned forward, kissing her lightly on the lips. She could feel her heartbeat increasing, and she closed her eyes, returning the sign of affection. After a few moments Athrun backed away, a warm smile on his face, looking at the red haired girl in front of him.

Meyrin gasped when their lips separated and looked at Athrun, slowly opening her eyes. He seemed happy, looking back at her, his emerald eyes emitting warmth and care. This was the perfect dream she had hoped for during the last few months. And it was real, right in front of her, in the shape of a blue haired boy, about whom she had dreamed for a long time now.

Meyrin slowly placed her hand on his cheek and moved towards Athrun and slowly brought her lips to meet his, while blushing red as tomato. Athrun placed his hand around her slim body and pulled her closer, without breaking the kiss. Meyrin didn't resist, instead she placed her hands around Athrun's neck, and they sat like that for about two minutes, enjoying each others company, their lips meeting in a passionate kiss.

"Athrun, I...I love, you , Athrun, please don't leave me." Meyrin asked in almost pleading voice. _At least this time she is not crying or looking sad_ Athrun thought, taking her hand in to his and looking in to her eyes with a loving look.

"I won't leave you, Meyrin. I…" His eyes turned to the small heart shaped necklace he had given her on her birthday. Slowly, he placed his hand around it and looked in to Meyrin's salty-blue eyes. "I…I love you too." He quietly added and lifted her chin up with one finger, letting go of the necklace and placed another kiss on her soft lips. He had no idea why, but he just couldn't stop kissing her soft lips, the feeling of his lips brushing against hers made him feel a bit dizzy. He didn't want to let her leave his embrace. And Meyrin didn't want to leave his arms either.

Without realizing much what he is doing, Athrun leaned down and kissed her on the neck, while running his hand trough her hair, earning a gasp from Meyrin. She slowly tilted her head back, revealing more of her slim neck, and Athrun planted several soft kisses on it. His hand slowly slid under her blue shirt and gently touched her back, circling his arm on the spot.

Meyrin's mind went blank from his touch, from his warm breath on her neck, from the feeling his lips left when touching another spot on her neck. She knew where this was going, and felt a little frightened and unsure about this. But her mind was getting foggier by the second from Athrun's touch, and she would lie if she would say she didn't enjoy it. But still… she had only kissed for the first time yesterday, and now was she ready to do _that_?

It seemed much too fast for her. She let out another gasp, trying to hold on to her sanity, which was slowly drifting away from Athrun's touches. Maybe it was too fast… but then again – it would be with Athrun. She loved the blue haired coordinator, more than anything. She had entrusted him her life in an instant, surely she could entrust this to him as well…

Athrun was having similar thoughts at the same time, trying to control himself. He had never felt like this before. The scent from Meyrin's strawberry shampoo and her body was driving him to the brink of insanity. Her soft skin…her gentle lips… _Are we…are we really going to do that? But…does she really want this? I…I just kissed her yesterday, and now this ?_

_It…it might hurt her…she might not like it…maybe we shouldn't…_ Athrun gathered all his willpower and started to slowly back away, unsure how Meyrin felt about this. She was usually very shy and quiet, and he was worried she wouldn't say anything just because of her quiet nature, and that would feel like using her…and he didn't want that.

He breathed heavily as he slowly backed away, but he didn't get far, because Meyrin tightened her grip around the back of his neck, as if she didn't want him to back away. Athrun didn't resist her hands and allowed her to pull him back closer to her. He could feel her lightly trembling.

Meyrin slowly lied back on the bed, pulling Athrun with her. She slowly opened her eyes and since she was not capable of saying anything simply nodded her head, as if she could sense Athrun's doubts. She closed her eyes and gasped again when Athrun gently resumed kissing her neck, his hand slowly sliding under her shirt and starting to gently circle around her stomach, causing her mind to black out again from the sensation.

* * *

The sun was setting down, leaving a crimson reflection in the ocean, behind which it tried to hide. The crimson reflection seemed a bit blurry due to the small waves, making it look crumpled. A couple of seagulls could be seen circling above the water, their cries filling the air at times. Small waves were slowly hitting against the shore, creating a quiet rustling. 

The wind briefly blew trough the young man's raven black hair, making it flutter in the wind. The boy stood in front of what seemed to be a small stone memorial, his head bowed down. He was shaking lightly, as his hand clenched a pink mobile phone. There were a few water drops on the ground – tears that were streaming down the boys face and falling to the ground.

His hand tightened around the phone, as he lifted his tear stained face and looked towards the setting sun and the ocean. His voice was filled with sorrow and pain , as he quietly spoke up, tears streaming down his face in increasing rate "Stellar…Mayu…"

* * *

A/N: 

Whee, another one done. Hope you are still enjoying this at least a bit, sorry if this took a bit longer to update. Now if you will excuse me, I will go and hide in a corner next to a block of ice, since the heat outside is unbearable. Please R&R.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N:

Sorry that this took longer to update, I just had to write that oneshot, because it kept bugging me:P And my god damn HDD burned down 2 days ago (I wonder if bastion the legend has anything to do with this….hm… :P )

So I had to redo the whole god damn chapter, which was already ¾ complete. Don't be amazed if this chapter hasn't turned out as good as it should have been, I was kinda pissed when I wrote this (for the second time). Ok, enough of my useless ranting, here's chapter 9

Special thanks to The-Dark-Spirit182 for proof-reading the chapter

DISCLAIMER : I don't own anything from GS/GSD

**XOXOXOXOX**

The doorknob slowly turned and the door opened with a light creak. Shinn entered the house and slowly looked around, eyeing every corner and item of the room. Memories flooded his head, as his gaze flew over many familiar objects. He slowly took of his shoes and proceeded to the next room, shutting the door behind him.

The next room looked like it was the living room, because of the large TV that was located near the wall, and the sofa that was placed in front of it. The same sofa he and his sister sat on that day and listened to Lord Uzumi's patriotic speech. Shinn's red eyes slowly slid across the room, examining every object in it, stopping at anything interesting.

_My…home. It sure hasn't changed, everything is in place, just how we left everything that day. _Shinn lowered his head a bit, his black hair covering his eyes, as he remembered the chaos and hurry, in which they had left the house.

_Flashback_

"_Shinn, Mayu, take only what's really needed, don't take anything useless! Dear, are we ready to go? We must hurry!"_

"_Yes, I'm ready, how are the kids?"_

"_They are fine, let's go!"_

_Mayu clung to her mother's arm and looked up at her, almost looking like she is about to cry. "But mom, I still need to take my CDs and…"_

"_Forget about them, it's not needed. Let's go!" The woman took her daughter by the hand and almost dragged her towards the exit, her husband already waiting there. She looked over her shoulder at the red haired boy that was almost finished packing._

"_Shinn, come on, lets go!"_

_Shinn nodded and dropped one of the bags he was not finished packing and ran towards his family, locking the door behind him._

_End Flashback_

Shinn slowly went over to the sofa and sat down, looking lost in thoughts. He coughed, because of the small cloud of dust that emerged from the sofa as he sat down, and he quickly stood up again. _It sure hasn't changed. I'm even surprised it is still here after almost three years. _He slowly reached out his hand and smacked the sofa lightly, causing another layer of dust escaping from it.

He took a step back and waved his hand in front of him, trying to chase away the cloud of dust, without much of a success and coughed again. _It sure is going to need some cleaning…_ He frowned at the thought of him cleaning something. He usually didn't even clean his own room, and in the ZAFT there was not much to clean anyway, but now he had a whole house to clean. _Shinn Asuka, elite pilot of ZAFT, sitting home and washing floors… god, Athrun would probably laugh at me right now. _

_Well, its not like something is going to change if I just stand here, might as well unpack, and…_ the black haired boy froze at that thought and stood still for a few moments. Unpack…its not like he had anything to unpack. One backpack was enough to store his belongings once he left ZAFT and decided to come back to ORB._ ZAFT… why did I return even after the war?_

Shinn sighed and slowly proceeded to the second floor, thinking about ZAFT. _Well… I guess I went back because Luna wished to go at that time…_Luna… the thought of her forced a sad expression on Shinn's face. He knew back then that their relationship wouldn't last. After all they were just lost children in the flames of war, their friends dying around them, and they had just found comfort in each others arms.

_And, I can't forget about Stellar. _Shinn slowly walked down the corridor, head bowed down,feeling mist in his red eyes. Memories of the blond haired angel flooded his mind and he leaned against a door and placed a hand on his face. _Stellar I missed you… _It has been more than half a year since she died, but memories of her still haunted Shinn. He was not able to forget her, but then again, he didn't try much either.

A tear rolled down Shinn's face, and he wiped it away with his hand. He was a merciless killer during the war, he killed anyone who crossed his path, and he was proud of his strength. Not the case now, not after all that has happened, not after talking with Athrun for a while. Now the raven haired boy was ashamed of himself, of the actions he took during the war. After all, he had long forgotten how it felt to actually feel anything, to care for anyone.

Until he met her... her wavy blond hair, her magenta eyes, her childlike personality… it was Stellar who caused him to feel again, to care for someone. But he had failed her… he couldn't protect his angel, no matter how strong he was then.

"_Shinn said he would…protect Stellar."_

"_Stellar! Stellar!"_

"_Shinn…I love you"_

With a loud growl Shinn punched the door with all his strength, causing it to open. He could no longer hold back his tears. He had joined ZAFT after his family had died, so that he would have the power to protect the ones he cares about. But once again, his power was not enough to save the one life he valued above his. And once again he had strived to gain more power.

Ironic, wasn't it? He obtained even more power…Destiny… but now he had no one to protect. He finally had the most power he could gather, but there was no one left to protect that would matter to his heart, so he had just continued to kill, hoping that it all would end one day. But it didn't. The one he deemed to be weak had easily beaten him, but instead of finishing Shinn off Athrun had tried to help him to get over his past and to get on his feet.

_Friend…is that what a true friend is? _Shinn sighed and wiped the tears from his face and entered the room, whose door he had just punched open. A friend…only 'friend' he had during the war was Rey, but that man could not be considered a friend. Not now, when Shinn knew the truth._ Rey_… the thought of his former comrade caused him to wince in anger. _If only I had listened to Athrun back then…_

_But I didn't… I shot him down along with Meyrin… just because Rey told me that would be right…I almost destroyed ORB! I was a god damn fool! I still am. _Shinn lifted his sight and slid it across the room. A bed in the corner, green curtains, a stack of comics near the bed, a pile of clothes in the corner, a desk with computer on it. _My old room…_

"_Come on! It's my turn to play that new game!"_

"_Mayu, leave me alone, this is my room. Stop pulling my arm!"_

Shinn quickly vacated the room, breathing heavily. He needed to do something, otherwise these memories would get the best of him, and he would spend the rest of the day sulking in a corner, Shinn knew that all too well. He entered the guestroom again and looked up, looking somewhat relaxed. _But still…my home…I'm glad that its still here… maybe it was not such a bad idea to come back here…after all there is nothing for me in ZAFT._

Shinn sighed and walked around the house for a while, examining all rooms, trying not to think too much about the memories that popped up in his head. After a while he sighed again and sat down, annoyed look on his face. The house sure was dirty, as was expected since it was abandoned for almost three years, and he sure did not enjoy the thought of cleaning this all up. _Maybe I should go visit Athrun…I think I still remember where his house is…I bet he will be surprised._

Shinn rolled eyes at himself. He could not believe how much he had changed during these few months. He no longer was the angst hothead of ZAFT, always rude to his superiors and considering himself right in all situations. Though he still had a fast temper, it was far from what it used to be. Visit Athrun…why did he want to visit him?

Shinn sighed and stood up. He knew the answer to that question he had just asked himself. Athrun always seemed to have some advice for him when he needed it, after all Athrun had went through a lot of grief and pain during the two wars, and he seemed to have the ability to keep his head cool in any situation, something Shinn wished he had during the war.

Now that Rey was no longer there, Shinn realized just how one sided his beliefs and justice was while talking to Athrun a few times. _Justice…_Shinn smirked. _I think it's no accident his Gundam was called Justice…_In all honesty he enjoyed talking to Athrun. The blue haired coordinator always seemed to know the answers to his questions and his calmness, which used to irritate Shinn a lot during the war, and now seemed to affect Shinn as well in a positive way.

Shinn stood up and slid his gaze around the room once again. Nope, he didn't want to start cleaning, and going to say 'hi' to Athrun seemed like a good excuse to delay this annoying work. The fact that Athrun's house was pretty far away didn't bother him. An hour long walk in the fresh air seemed like a good idea after the house's dusty air. He put on his shoes and walked outside, locking the door behind him. After walking a few meters Shinn turned back and looked at his house, feeling somewhat nostalgic. _This time I won't take three years to come home. I'm glad I still have one._

**XOXOXOXOX**

The young woman stopped running and leaned down, placing her hands on her knees and panting heavily. When she had caught her breath she stood up and slid her hand through her short magenta hair and enjoyed the sudden breeze that had risen. Luna shot a glare at her watch and pouted. 10:25 am. After sighing unhappily she started to walk towards. After all she didn't want to end up at Athrun's place exhausted from the running.

She felt angry at herself. Not to mention very guilty and depressed. _I AM a terrible sister. _The reason Luna was feeling guilty was because she hadn't congratulated Meyrin with her birthday yet, and it had already been 5 days. Well she couldn't help it – her job had requested her that she leaves ORB and head to PLANTs right that night, after she had helped Athrun with shopping for presents.

The owner of the company she was working for had suddenly announced that she has to leave for a meeting immediately, since he himself had just broken a leg, and that it's her duty as manager to replace him. It was an important meeting, so Luna had no choice. She had just gotten back yesterday and had to leave again in one hour, she barely had time to rush over to Athrun's place to greet Meyrin.

Luna almost growled under her nose, as she continued to walk towards Athrun's house. She was still about 5 minute walk away and seeing that her shuttle is leaving in one hour she probably didn't have more than 10 minutes to spend there. _And I even didn't have time to get her a proper present, sheesh. I hope she won't be too angry with me. _Luna stopped and straightened her skirt and turned her head to look at the sun, covering her eyes with her hand.

She liked the sun, a lot more than the artificial ones up in the Plants. But she had to go there and stay there for a few months 'because it's in the best interests for the company'. Luna sighed again and resumed her walk towards Athrun's house; she didn't have time to stare at sun. _I'm sorry I couldn't come to see you, Meyrin, in the short time I had, but I was too busy with staring at sun_ didn't seem like a good excuse to her. _I just hope Meyrin isn't sleeping._

Athrun was lying back in the bed, various thoughts running through his head. He slowly turned his head towards the window and smiled a bit. The curtains were doing their job well, and sun was not disturbing the inhabitants of the room this morning. But curtains were the least of his concerns now. He slowly turned his head again and looked at the red haired girl lying beside him, her right hand resting on his chest.

He slowly stroked Meyrin's red hair with his hand and smile appeared on his face, as he watched the young girl. He sure felt a bit awkwardly. Ok, a bit would probably be an understatement. A lot of things had suddenly happened during the last days, but this one was probably the most unexpected. Not that he minded the new experiences he had last night, nor did he regret it.

His concern was how Meyrin felt about this. Last night she had fallen asleep without saying anything, and Athrun was worried about her reaction this morning, and he sincerely hoped she didn't regret it either. Obviously this was her first time as well, and he truly hoped he hadn't done anything to upset her or hurt her. Athrun knew he wouldn't be able to live with that thought.

She had gone through a lot recently, and the blue haired coordinator sure didn't want to be added as another one of those bad experiences in her life. And he was not about to wake her, although a thought of preparing breakfast had crossed his mind. But that would risk waking Meyrin, and Athrun much rather wanted to be by her side when she wakes up.

Then the doorbell rang. Athrun cast an annoyed look towards the clock. _Who could it be this early._ The doorbell rang again; this sure was annoying. If he would try to stand up now he might wake Meyrin. But then again – if he wouldn't the ringing would surely wake her anyway.

He gently took her arm and moved it away from his chest, causing Meyrin to move a bit, but she was still asleep. Athrun carefully slid out from under the blanket and quickly scanned the room for his pants. Answering the door butt naked was certainly not a good idea. He quickly put on his pants and scrambled towards the door without looking for his shirt, wincing again when the doorbell rang for the third time.

He quickly cast his last gaze upon Meyrin before exiting the room, and she still seemed asleep. After almost breaking his neck and falling down the stairs because of his sleepiness Athrun quickly moved towards the door, massaging his aching neck, feeling angry at the unwelcome visitor. Grumbling quietly he started to unlock the door.

Once he opened the door he quickly lifted his hand to protect his eyes from the morning sun, which was shining brightly outside. He blinked few times while his eyes adjusted to the bright light and looked at the person standing just outside, his vision still a bit foggy. A short, pink miniskirt and magenta colored hair were the first things he could make out. The anger he felt a moment ago was gone, people he didn't mind seeing anytime were his old friends, and Meyrin's older sister was one of them.

"Lunamaria?"

"Good morning, Athrun," the girl happily answered in her usual, cheerful voice.

"Good morning, Luna. What are you doing here?" Athrun rubbed his left eye and yawned, stepping aside from the door. "Want to come in?"

Luna nodded and stepped inside, closing the door behind her, her eyes traveling across the room. She had never been in to Athrun's house, despite the fact that she knew where he lived. She had to admit it looked rather cozy, something she didn't expect from Athrun's house. Her observations were cut short by Athrun's words.

"Luna, you can sit down while I go get some tea." Luna looked at the blue haired coordinator and shook her head.

"No, Athrun, thank you. I just ran in for a couple of minutes, I have to go real soon."

Athrun raised an eyebrow and sat on the couch, signaling Luna to sit down as well. She sat down beside Athrun and looked at him. He was obviously waiting for what she has to say, and she sure didn't feel easy about this. She looked in to his emerald eyes and asked in a voice that had a small tint of sadness in it. "Athrun, is Meyrin here? I…I need to talk to her".

Athrun turned slightly red at her question, but not enough for Luna to notice it. "Y…yes, but she is still sleeping. Is anything wrong, Luna?".

Luna lowered her head and sat like that for a few seconds, her conversation with Athrun in the restaurant popping up in her head. "Athrun, do you…do you still think that I'm not a horrible sister?"

Athrun was surprised seeing Luna sad and down, when she seemed her usual cheerful self just moments ago. "Wha…Luna, what are you…"

Luna slowly lifted her head and looked at the obviously confused Athrun and smiled sadly. "It has been five days since her birthday, and I didn't even call, because I didn't have time. She…she must hate me." Athrun stared at Luna for a few seconds, then a small smile found its way on his face and he looked back in to Luna's eyes. "Luna, she is not angry at all, so don't…I'm sure you had a good reason."

_She is definitely not mad…she probably wants to forget that day._ After few seconds of silence Luna nodded and the sad expression left her face. The tone in which Athrun spoke made her believe his words, and she wanted to believe them as well. Meyrin was the only family she had left, so she couldn't help but feel extremely bad about forgetting her birthday. Ok, its not like she forgot but the result was still the same.

"Thank you, Athrun. I…I just came to greet her before I leave for PLANTs again, but it seems I cant do even that, I have to go in five minutes." Luna sighed unhappily and pulled a small box wrapped in a red paper and a small, green card attached to it, and placed it on the table in front of her. She looked up at Athrun and smiled meekly. "Could you please give this to her? And tell her…tell her that I'm sorry."

Athrun looked at the small box and then nodded at Luna. "I will. I'm sure she will be happy."

Luna nodded her head and stood up. "Thank you, Athrun. I…I should go now. My shuttle to PLANTs is leaving in 45 minutes, and my boss is going to kill me if I'm late." She stood up and straightened her pink miniskirt, then shot a glare at Athrun and smirked. "Looks like I'm not the only one who answers the door when not properly dressed."

The blue haired boy turned his head aside, feeling a bit embarrassed. "I…um…it's just that…"

Luna let out a small laugh and started to walk towards the door, while waving her hand at Athrun. "Thank you, Athrun. I better go now." Athrun hurried over to the door and held it open while Luna stepped outside. She turned around and smiled at Athrun. "Take care of my little sis, i…" she was interrupted by a familiar voice coming from inside the house.

"Athrun?"

Both Luna and Athrun turned their heads towards the voice. Meyrin was coming down the stairs, her head bowed down. "A…Athrun, i…" she raised her eyes and froze on the spot. Her eyes widened at the sight of her sister looking at her. "N…Nee-chan ?" After standing still for some moments Meyrin turned around and quickly retreated back to the second floor, red all over her face.

Luna stood there in evident shock, her grey eyes widened and mouth slightly opened, as she watched her sister, wrapped only in a blanket, run back to the second floor. She slowly turned her gaze towards severally blushing Athrun, who looked like he would rather fall through the ground, then back to the now empty stairs. Her eyes traveled few times from Athrun, who was wearing only his pants, to the stairs where her sister was moments ago, with only a blanket covering her.

After a while her surprised expression was slowly replaced by a large grin, and she turned to Athrun, who stood there speechless. She raised her hand and patted Athrun on the shoulder a few times, her grin growing wider. "You know, Athrun…I was going to tell you to take care of my sis, but I see I won't have to say that."

The blue haired coordinator turned redder, if that was even possible. "Lu…Luna! It's…it's not…" He stopped there, his mouth opened halfway. He was about to say 'it's not what you think', but then again – it pretty much was what Luna was thinking judging from her expression. Athrun's silence seemed to only confirm her thoughts and she patted him on the shoulder again.

"Well…I think I should get going, I don't want to disturb you two." Luna was laughing in her head - she enjoyed the sight of embarrassed Athrun. "Just be nice to her, you better take her to that celebration tonight, she likes to dance". Embarrassment in Athrun's red face was replaced with confusion.

"Celebration?" he blankly repeated, staring at Luna. Luna raised an eyebrow.

"Don't tell me you don't know? Afterall today is the day ORB Union celebrates its foundation – I think its 75 years since ORB Union was founded. Don't tell me you didn't know that?"

Athrun felt like an idiot. Of course he knew that, but he had completely forgotten about it because of the happenings during the last few days. There was a large celebration planned in the Central park, which was supposed to include various activities and a banquet, and as Luna had stated – a large dance floor.

Athrun nodded his head at Luna, who was still eyeing him with suspicion "I…I knew, it's just that…I had forgotten about it." Luna seemed even more surprised.

"Forgotten? How can you forget something like this? I mean even the news have it all the time, don't you watch them Athrun?" Athrun turned his head aside, slightly embarrassed. He watched the news. Or rather for the past few days – sat in front of the television without paying any attention to it, his thoughts traveling elsewhere. Luna grinned again "Or did you have more interesting things to do?"

"Luna!" Athrun was red all over his face again and Luna was starting to irritate him a bit.

"Fine, fine, I'm going." She exclaimed, her hands in the air, her face literally shining. Luna turned around and started to walk away, waving at Athrun. "I have to hurry or I will be late, just be nice to my little sis, ok? Bye, Athrun."

Athrun watched how Luna hurried down the road and closed the door, leaning against it and letting out a loud sigh. He was glad this little torture was over. Yes, he had completely forgotten about the celebration, but that was not important right now, unlike some other things. With that thought he hurried towards Meyrin's room, grabbing Luna's present from the table and placing it in to his pocket.

He knocked on the door and waited for a few seconds. "Meyrin? Can I come in?" silence was the only response he got. After a bit of hesitation Athrun slowly turned the door knob and slowly stepped inside. Meyrin was sitting on the bed, her back towards the door, still wrapped in the blanket. "Mey…?" he silently asked, and seeing that she didn't react, slowly stepped closer to her.

Athrun slowly sat on the bed behind her and hesitantly lifted his hand, but stopped before touching her. _What…what if she doesn't want me to touch her at all, maybe I should…_

"Athrun, I…I'm sorry"

Athrun was struck dumb by her silent words. "Meyrin, what…what are you saying?"

"I'm sorry about…last night, I didn't mean to… I …I didn't mean to do anything you might regret, I…"

Athrun sighed and lowered his head, but he felt somewhat relieved. That's Meyrin for you. He was worried he might have hurt her, that she wouldn't want to see him again, but she was acting just like she used to around him – always thinking she has done something wrong. Luckily Athrun had already somewhat gotten used to this. _At least she is ok. I don't regret anything, why would she think I would?_

He lifted his green eyes and looked at Meyrin, who was still talking and smiled. "I'm sorry, Athrun"

She felt two hands wrapping around her, and she turned her head in surprise. "Athrun?" The blue haired coordinator smiled warmly at her and kissed her lightly on her cheek.

"I'm not"

Meyrin looked in to his green eyes with confusion. Athrun smiled at her and stroked her red hair with his hand. "I…I'm not sorry, Meyrin" he said, his cheeks turning a tad red. "I'm not sorry, I…i was worried if you were sorry, if you are not, then… I'm glad.

Meyrin was looking over her shoulder at Athrun, and she felt that happiness is beginning to fill her heart. The worried expression in her salty-blue eyes was slowly fading. _He…he doesn't regret what we did? He…he really likes to be with me…? He…he is worried if I don't regret it? _Meyrin didn't regret it, although she had never thought of that to happen. She had never hoped that much on a relationship with Athrun in the first place. Well she had, but she didn't hope much that he would feel the same.

She had never even thought about a serious relationship with him, although she would be happy about it. But she didn't think Athrun would want much to do with her, so she couldn't help but feel guilty that she might be the cause of something the blue haired coordinator might regret. But he had come to her, embraced her and told her he doesn't regret anything, and this made the young red-head very happy. The thought that maybe she can have a serious relationship with Athrun caused a small smile on her face, as she looked back at Athrun's green eyes.

"Athrun…thank you" she said in a soft voice, cuddling closer to Athrun, resting her head on his chest and closing her eyes, feeling safe in his arms.

"For what?" Athrun asked with a tint of confusion in his voice, although he felt relieved to see that she no longer seemed sad. Meyrin only shook her head slowly and remained silent. She smiled softly when she felt Athrun's hand tenderly stroking her scarlet locks. After few silent moments Athrun remembered of something lying in his pocket.

"Meyrin, Luna had come to visit". The red haired girl lifted her head and looked at Athrun with a bit of surprise in her eyes. She had completely forgotten that she had seen her sister a few minutes ago, despite the fact that she had been completely stunned from seeing her sister here. And she hadn't spoken with her sister for quite a while.

"Luna told me to give you this". Athrun pulled the small box out of his pocket and held it towards Meyrin, who seemed surprised. "She…she also said that she's sorry…for not calling on your birthday".

Meyrin took the small box with both hands and held it close, while smiling slightly. _Nee-chan…_ she was happy that her sister hadn't forgotten about her, despite the fact that their relationship was never that great…especially ever since they both had fallen for Athrun when he had joined the Minerva. She smiled inwardly at that thought. So many girls had longed for Athrun's attention.

Her own sister, the fake Lacus named Meer, princess of ORB…and herself… the shy, little and unnoticeable girl who had served as CIC onboard Minerva, who didn't even have the courage to step forward and say something to Athrun at that time, unlike her sister. And yet – it was her who was sitting here in front of Athrun in his embrace after all that has happened.

"Mey ?" Athrun's voice snapped her out of her thoughts and she looked towards Athrun, who was looking away somewhat. "I…um, there is a celebration held at the Central park this evening to celebrate ORB's foundation, and i…I thought that maybe…would you like to go there?"

Meyrin watched Athrun for a few moments, surprised at his question. _He…he wants to go out with me? He doesn't mind that people would see us together?" _Smile foundits way on Meyrin's beautiful face and she clasped her hands in excitement. "Yes! I would love to!" It had been quite a while since she had been out somewhere to celebrate something. Her birthday didn't really count. In all honesty she didn't care that much where she would go if it would be with Athrun.

Athrun smiled seeing excitement in her salty-blue eyes. He was worried what to say if she wouldn't want to go, but he was glad he didn't have to figure that out. The celebration was supposed to start at 7pm and there was plenty of time till then. Athrun placed a small peck on Meyrin's soft lips and stood up. "I will go prepare breakfast, so you don't have to worry about it, ok?"

Meyrin was about to object, she felt that Athrun is making the breakfast far too often in the past few days – something she considered her 'job'. But seeing that Athrun looked happy when he was looking at her with his emerald eyes, she decided not to. She did not want to argue with Athrun, especially if he was in a good mood like now, so she only nodded her head. Her eye spotted something green lying on ground, near Athrun.

"Um…Athrun…your shirt" she extended her finger, pointing near the said boy. Athrun turned his gaze down and eyed his shirt lying on the ground. He quickly reached down and picked it up and quickly left the room, heat gathering in his cheeks. He sighed and put on his shirt while proceeding downstairs to make breakfast, thinking of some red-haired girl, which caused a smile on his face.

Meyrin giggled a bit at the sight of blushing Athrun quickly leaving the room. She was happy about how this day had started. Athrun had washed away the doubts she had a while ago, and her young heart was racing in happiness. After all this time her life seemed to be gaining some bright colors. She remembered the small box from Luna, which was lying on bed now.

She picked it up and started to unwrap it, then she noticed the green card attached to it and started to read it. Smile found its way on her face as she was reading the card, and she looked at the small box again. Without opening it she placed it in the drawer of the cupboard located near her bed, joy all over her face. _Thank you, Nee-chan, but I won't need it. _

**XOXOXOXOX**

Luna sighed as she sat back in the chair of the shuttle, as it was taking its place on the mass-driver, preparing for launch. She didn't want to lave for PLANTs. In the short while she had stayed in ORB she had grown fond of it, especially the sun. She smiled meekly as she remembered the card she had wrote to Meyrin.

"_Happy Birthday, Meyrin! _

_I'm truly sorry that I couldn't congratulate you faster, but I just didn't have the time. I know you must think that I'm a terrible sister. I just hope you can forgive me. _

_The gift is really nothing special – just a small good luck charm. I know that you like Athrun a lot, so I hope that this little thing will help him to notice your feelings. I know it sounds stupid, but I really couldn't think of anything else. I'm sorry I won't have the time to talk to you, but I must leave for PLANTs for a while. Good luck, Mey._

_-Lunamaria"_

_It seems my gift is a bit too late. _Luna's smile grew wider, and she placed her hands behind her head and tilted it backwards, looking up, happiness in her eyes. She was glad for her sister. Judging from this morning Athrun indeed seemed to have noticed her feelings. Even more than that. Luna was happy for Meyrin. In all honesty she had always worried about Meyrin living alone, due to her shy and quiet nature.

But if Athrun was really going out with her sister, Luna was assured Meyrin would be alright. After all, Athrun was not one to break relationships easily from what she had learned, and wouldn't do anything to hurt Meyrin. Of that Luna was sure. Luna sighed unhappily, closing her eyes, deciding to get some sleep. She was glad her sister had found happiness. Something Luna was not able to find herself. Luna yawned a bit and turned in the seat, to get in to more comfortable position. As much as she hated it, she couldn't worry about her personal life right now – she had job to do.

Shinn was walking through the park, slowly eyeing his surroundings, recalling his childhood days in ORB. His red eyes were filled with sadness. He liked it here, in ORB. More than PLANTs, despite the fact that he had claimed he hated ORB. That he tried to destroy it. _If ORB is going to be defeated, I will be the one to do it._ He frowned at that memory – his thoughts before launching to attack ORB.

Some activity caught his eye in the middle of the park. People were running around, placing decorations all over the place, and were setting up what seemed to be a large dance floor. What he found weird that amongst the people setting up the decorations were children and elder people. He made his way to some man that seemed like the one who was observing all this.

"Excuse me."

The man turned around and eyed the black haired boy with a smile on his face. "Yes, how can I help you" he asked in a cheerful voice.

"Could you please tell me what is going on here?" Shinn waved his hand towards the noisy area. The man raised an eyebrow.

"You don't know?" Then his features softened again "Oh, you must be a tourist. We are setting up the place where the celebration of ORB's declaration will take place. Today, 75 years pass since the foundation of ORB Union. Didn't you know that?"

Shinn turned his head away slightly, feeling embarrassed. "Um…no not really." He winced as one kid stepped on his foot while running around and laughing excitedly. "What's with all these kids?"

The man smiled again "Any one who wants can help in preparations for the celebration. Quite a lot of people are helping actually. It makes them feel like they are doing something for their country I guess."

"Doing something for your country…" Shinn slowly murmured, sad expression on his face, head bowed down. His hand gripped around the pink cell phone in his pocket. Shinn was lost in thoughts for a second. Visiting Athrun could wait, it's not like he was expecting him to come anyway. Shinn lifted his head and looked over to the dance floor, enjoying the small breeze that was blowing through his messy raven hair. He turned back to the man, feeling a bit better. "Can I help with something?"

**XOXOXOXOX**

"Lacus. Lacus. Lacus!"

"Mhm?" The pink haired princess lifted her head and turned her head in the direction of the voice. Cagali eyed her for a moment then sighed.

"Cagali, I'm sorry…I was just lost in thoughts" she smiled meekly at the princess of ORB, looking in to her amber eyes.

_I could notice that. _Cagali put down her fork besides her plate and leaned back in the chair and sighed again. "Lacus, you haven't eaten anything, and you have been gloomy ever since you came back from the hospital yesterday. What happened? Did my little bro say something to you? Should I go and get him to his senses?"

Lacus lowered her blue eyes and stared at the table, looking as miserable and unhappy as one can get. And it had something to do with Kira's words, but that was not the only reason. Cagali looked at Lacus with worry – she had never seen Lacus like this. "Lacus…what's wrong?"

Lacus slowly lifted her head and smiled at Cagali, hearing the worry in her voice. She didn't want to upset other people because of her feelings, and she didn't want Cagali to worry about her, but she couldn't help it. "It's Kira…his operation is tomorrow and… I'm just worried if he will be alright."

Cagali shook her head and sighed at Lacus. "Don't worry, he will be fine, he's tougher than that. Besides, I didn't let him not to be ok, so he better watch it!" The blonde exclaimed with stern voice, putting on a serious face and shaking her fist in a joking manner.

Lacus even giggled a bit at Cagali's actions. _Maybe I am worried too much. After all Cagali is right – Kira is tougher than that. I'm sure he will be fine. _Lacus nodded, shadow of unhappiness leaving her face. Cagali felt relieved to see that Lacus had cheered up a bit, she had been like that all evening and this morning.

"Lacus, you will be coming to the celebration, right?"

Lacus sighed and looked down at the table again. "I…I don't know, I'm not sure if I want to."

"Oh, come on" Cagali almost whined "I have to be there because I'm the representative, and I want some company. And besides, maybe it will help to lighten your mood."

Lacus didn't feel like celebrating anything at the moment. But seeing the almost pleading look in Cagali's face, which is something you don't see every day, made her change her mind. "Ok, Cagali, I will come if you want."

Cagali smiled at Lacus "Yes! Thank you, Lacus. I can't stand being alone with a bunch of politicians. It drives me crazy." _And I'm sure it will help you to put your mind off my brother for a while._

Lacus smiled at the sight of cheering Cagali and stood up from the table. "Well then, I will go and pick what to wear." The real reason is she wanted to be alone for a while and to think a bit. _I just hope I won't ruin the party for anyone._

**XOXOXOXOX**

A/N:

Bah, I'm quite displeased how this turned out in the end. Like I said – I was quite pissed when writing this for the second time. This chapter was intended to be lighter in the mood compared to the previous ones, but its not that easy to write that when you are feeling pissed :P (and I got only three reviews on my oneshot…but oh well, at least I didn't get flamed :P) (too bad this wasn't supposed to be an angsty chap – I bet I would have had loads of inspiration: P) Anyways, time to shut up, I'm ranting again.

R&R please, hope it's not too horrible.


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